Mr. Lucky Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Btw, I havent left for practical, money issues. It has nothing to do with whether I think I should or not. If this is really true (and believe me, I understand and accept your position) and his conduct has no bearing on whether you'll stay in the marriage - why read his his emails and snoop into his online activities? Why the interest in what he does or says to her or anyone else? In other words, if you're not going anywhere, why do you care ??? Mr. Lucky
anne1707 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 My point still stands. Why on earth do you stay? He does not truly love, he does not truly respect. He does however truly use and abuse.
CarboniteCammy Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I think he "brings you into his affair" to make her jealous. I don't think it has anything to do with you, and I honestly feel that there's some disconnect between reality and what you want reality to be. I think he's planning on leaving you for her, as he's sent her emails that say, "You jump I jump," or whatever and basically I think he's just waiting on her to leave her husband. I don't feel that she really wants to leave her husband. I think he's far more interested in her then she is him. Since you want to wait it out for reasons I don't understand, then you have to accept the fact that your marriage depends on what she wants to do. If she leaves her husband, then you're going to lose your marriage. If she doesn't want to leave her husband, then the affair will continue as long as its not brought to light. Your husband seems to feel he really has a chance with this woman, and he's willing to risk his marriage and divorce to be with her. All he's waiting for is her "ok." You, your feelings, your marriage, your mutual children don't matter to him. What matters to him is this woman and the "love" they have together.
nofool4u Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Smith I'm a fWS. If your H is so barefaced cruel and disrespectful to continue to have this affair, knowing that you know, then there is nothing to reconcile. He does not care enough about you and the marriage. Are you really prepared for him to just have sex with other women just to stay in this sham of a marriage Agreed. Smith, divorce him, take half the marital assets, get 1/2 of the retirement he accumulated while married, etc. Let him have the house, sign a quit claim deed on it and get 1/2 the equity in it from him. You can come out smelling like a rose unless he is a real loser and has very little. Get what you are entitled too, and more if you have a good attorney, and move on with your life.
anne1707 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Smith If NoFool and I agree then you are pretty much on to a sure thing with our advice as this does not happen everyday.
CarboniteCammy Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I will tell you that the best chance your marriage has for survival is for you to tell the other woman's husband that she is cheating, and bring all your evidance to him and let him decide if he wants to be with her. Once her husband knows, then they affair won't be able to continue as it has been. I don't think she wants your husband as a life partner if she's telling him point blank that her husband makes more. I would only say those things to someone if I wanted to make sure they knew they didn't *really* have a chance with me.
nofool4u Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Smith If NoFool and I agree then you are pretty much on to a sure thing with our advice as this does not happen everyday. Don't push your luck. 1
sunbeach200 Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I am flabberghasted that you are allowing this kind of behaviour. I will never understand women like you who stay in toxic realtionships. never.
Author SmithM Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 I've read more emails where the woman mentions he kissed her when they had sex a couple of months ago, but not yesterday, when they had sex again. Someone just said that if he has stopped kissing her, but did in the past, it's because he has become emotional. What?! I don't understand? What's your opinion? Is he more emotional if he has stopped kissing her?Apparently Instead he asked her in emails dozens of questions about her job, child, parenting, talked about our kids , how we raise them, what we feed them, discipline, toys, his political views, his job, trying to make it sound like he's getting a bigger job and sounding snappy when she mentioned her husband got one under the same circumstances (a merger), etc. I asked him sarcastically if he had enjoyed his day yesterday and he barely answered. I think he has an inkling that I know but he's not trying to compensate like he did last time. There hasn't been any communication between them since yesterday, she just wrote to him that "next time, it's your turn to drive" and he wrote he'd be happy to drive to where she is, about 40 minutes?! She never said when. I don't understand why these details mean so much to me, but it helps to discuss it with people.
turnera Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Smith, I don't know what to say to you. You are doing ALL the wrong things and you ignore all the advice, so I feel dirty and used even replying to you. 1
Minnie09 Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 If you're not brave enough to confront, print the emails and send them to her h in the mail. I'm sure you know where he lives or works. He will take care of the issue I'm sure, and the a will be over. Done. Nobody will have evidence to prove who they were mailed by. And you can have your revenge and see your disrespectful husband humiliated and quiet.
Mr. Lucky Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 What's your opinion? My opinion is that you're asking the wrong questions. And asking them of the wrong people... Mr. Lucky
2sunny Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 I've read more emails where the woman mentions he kissed her when they had sex a couple of months ago, but not yesterday, when they had sex again. Someone just said that if he has stopped kissing her, but did in the past, it's because he has become emotional. What?! I don't understand? What's your opinion? Is he more emotional if he has stopped kissing her?Apparently Instead he asked her in emails dozens of questions about her job, child, parenting, talked about our kids , how we raise them, what we feed them, discipline, toys, his political views, his job, trying to make it sound like he's getting a bigger job and sounding snappy when she mentioned her husband got one under the same circumstances (a merger), etc. I asked him sarcastically if he had enjoyed his day yesterday and he barely answered. I think he has an inkling that I know but he's not trying to compensate like he did last time. There hasn't been any communication between them since yesterday, she just wrote to him that "next time, it's your turn to drive" and he wrote he'd be happy to drive to where she is, about 40 minutes?! She never said when. I don't understand why these details mean so much to me, but it helps to discuss it with people. Why are you torturing yourself? Take some action to divorce this crappy dude who disrespects you at every turn! It's no longer on him - its on you because you keep ALLOWING it by staying with him.
Summer Breeze Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Why are you torturing yourself? Take some action to divorce this crappy dude who disrespects you at every turn! It's no longer on him - its on you because you keep ALLOWING it by staying with him. Couldn't agree more. There's a point you move from victim to volunteer and sadly, I think you've done it. I really hope you see what this is doing to you and possibly your kids. You all deserve so much more than this.
waterwoman Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 Couldn't agree more. There's a point you move from victim to volunteer and sadly, I think you've done it. I really hope you see what this is doing to you and possibly your kids. You all deserve so much more than this. Yep. In fact no-one could deserve this
CarrieT Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 SmithM, you keep asking for help in understanding his motivations, but why have you never answered the questions we keep asking you don't do anything about it and why you put up with his affair?
ThatJustHappened Posted February 28, 2013 Posted February 28, 2013 OP- How can this still be considered an affair when you have given him your permission to continue seeing his OW? Sounds more like an open marriage to me.
Author SmithM Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 I haven't posted in a while, but the affair seems to be getting worse. My husband is emailing his mistress again. Today, she wrote him again! Saying she wanted to try something "kinky". Then she writes she wants to watch him getting a lap dance at a strip club and then have sex after! My husband writes he would love that and asks if she would be ok watching the stripper going down on him? She says no... He seems a little baffled by the whole thing Then she writes "I've never even thought of being with another woman, I just wanted to watch... Is that what you're looking for?"* And he writes "Yes, I would prefer that you only watch... You don't get jealous, do you?" And she writes "Of a stripper? No. Would you get jealous if you saw me with another guy?" Then for the first time he took almost 20 minutes to write her back?!! And he wrote "No I wouldn't. That's kind of hot." It was completely different from everything else he wrote. Then she wrote "Wow, I never thought you'd say yes! I asked my husband once and he didn't talk to me for two days!". Did the fact that he didn't want her getting together with another woman ( and he's a guy!) and then acted funny when she asked about another guy - does that mean he's becoming emotionally involved? I HAVE CONFRONTED HIM BEFORE, HE TOLD ME SHE WAS JUST SEX, now I just found out they're in touch again. But what struck me is that my husband likes two women together, which I've never done. Then with her he says he would NOT like to see her with another girl? Just watch? Am I right to think this is another red flag as far as his feelings go? Just coming here and venting helps!
2sunny Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 You are unbelievable - it's hard to understand - and believe - that you aren't DOING SOMETHING about this! Do something - ANYTHING! Mostly - get a divorce as soon as possible! Get yourself help! You don't think much of yourself since you stay and put up with completely unacceptable cheating.
2sunny Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 At this late date - you can only blame YOURSELF! Mainly because you know - yet you stay. That makes you a victim of your own choice to stay. He's a complete tool - I hope you're not having sex with him at all throughout his cheating days.
2sure Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I think they do have an open marriage, with a rule of just sex no emotional involvement. Some people actually find some aspects of their spouse " cheating" hot. Sounds like OP does, but isn't sure about her husbands emotions
sweet_pea Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I dont mean to be rude, but is this a troll thread? I remember I replied to a thread of her's a while back and she is pretty much STILL in the same position, not doing anything, and asking the same questions. Take action. Do something. I know it's hard, but it's like you're enabling this to happen by just sitting by while your hubby is out with some other woman. What is holding you back? You have all of the proof in the world.
Mycatsnuggles Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Smith, I can understand being afraid to leave him but please you have to confront him about the emails. I would tell you to block them and stop reading them but I know it can become an obession where you can not stop. Confront him. At least make him know you know. It may not stop his behavior but at least he may change the account. You cannot keep reading the emails. It is slow torture to yourself. It is not for his sake I say this it is for your own. You know what he is doing, he will either choose to stop or he won't. The only behavior you can control is your own. If you choose to stay with him take control of the relationship as it stands. You have more power then you think. It doesn't appear he has any intention of leaving. Focus on this and change what you have control over.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Am I right to think this is another red flag as far as his feelings go? Just coming here and venting helps! It's interesting that you're coming here and asking forum members to evaluate the quality of your husband's relationship with his other woman. I give it two thumbs up... Mr. Lucky 2
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