New2Love4Now Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 It's just been so much to handle, so many mood swings and emotions every day since she broke up with me and I finally broke down. It seems like I have an infinite amount of regrets and my brain is constantly swapping between them. I start imagining all of the things I could have done differently, or things that I shouldn't have done, and when I come back to reality I get so angry at myself. Then I get angry at her. And then at myself for being angry at her. I can't focus on anything else. I could watch a TV show and not remember a thing that happened because my mind is programmed to just think about the break up. Anger, sadness, regret, depression, and only brief moments of happiness that I've realized only happen when I start to build up false hope. I want her out of my head. I don't want to have a single thought about her, but thoughts about her are on my mind probably 95% of my day. I'm so sick of it. How the f*ck could I have convinced myself that sending her about 10 text messages two days after we had a friendly conversation and ended on good terms was a good idea. Not only were we on good terms, but I was able to play it cool (fake it) and she even brought up some of the sexual things we did. NC would have been perfect after that. Then I go ahead and text two days later because I felt I had to redeem myself for my earlier begging and pleading episodes, (why in the hell would I bring them up again?!) and I panic and come off as a pathetic loser and get ignored. WTF. I can't forgive myself for that. To top it all off, she thinks I'm some vengeful and spiteful prick now. Can I get any more unattractive to her? Sorry just had to vent, and it definitely helped some. I just can't wait until I don't give a damn about any of this.
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