tommycapnpants Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 hello everyone, i have posted here several times in the past. more so in the second chances section. long story short. i am in a ldr with a lady who lives 3 states away. we have been on again off again for the past two years. the reason why we are in and out of a ldr is due to a breakup we had in october 2011. since then we have, as i stated, continually bounced between on and off again. the breakups have all been initiated by her. this latest one is pretty darn hard to deal with. mainly because i was doing really well without her. after nearly 6 months of nc she reached out and we decided to get back together. i had a lot of hesitation in doing so, because i felt that she would just drop me again. well, she did. last monday. the last time we were together was during christmas when i flew out to spend it with her. we had a wonderful time, and she took me to spend it with her father. . .she has never introduced a guy to her dad. well, fast forward to last monday. she calls me crying, because she kissed another guy while out drinking. she was so apologetic and i told her i could not trust her and i needed some time to sort out my feelings. after a day or so she said that she feels like she ruined our relationship by messing up the way she did. she says she still loves me so much but thinks its best that we stop again. basically, the same story i have heard in the past. so, since this is less than a week old, i decided on doing something bold. i booked a flight on monday to go see her in an attempt to sort this out. im not going with any expectations really. i just want to be told yes or no in person. i know it sounds crazy, but we had been doing really amazing this time around. we were supposed to fly to another city in march to scope it out; as we were planning on moving there together this summer. i dont really know what i expect from this post. maybe just some feedback. call me an idiot or whatever you may think. i would appreciate any responses. thanks!
asianbrody Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I hope the trip goes well for you remember that no matter what the outcome, you made the right choice by sorting this out in person. 1
salparadise Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I understand that love and attraction are strong motivators, but honestly, after all the breakups all initiated by her what do you think the chances are that this can ever become a stable, fulfilling relationship? Do you not have a breaking point after which you'd just realize that you don't want your life to be made up of constant drama and being pushed and pulled at the whim of a woman who has no sense of dedication or any clear idea of what she wants from you? I'd probably just say that roller coasters are not my thing unless they're in amusement parks. 1
Els Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 If you're doing it for you, for closure, then by all means do so. If you're doing it for your R, I really don't think it's worth it. She broke up with you so many times and you're still going after her. Not sure much good can come out of that. 1
Author tommycapnpants Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 I'm clinching my teeth and going for it. Boarding the plane. Now
castroadis Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Tommycapnpants, I'm dying to see what happened in your situation, I might build courage and do the same as you. Keep us posted and stay strong.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 My honest thoughts are that you weren't doing that amazing this time around. Why? She kissed someone else and you broke up yet again. What is so amazing about that? I don't mean to be insensitive, but I think you're wasting time by flying out there. In so many ways, she's already said "no" to a relationship with you.
Author tommycapnpants Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 i actually posted about it on another thread for another ls user's post. i'll quote it below " just got back home. She was stunned when I showed up. We spent two very nice days together. In the end it was the closure we both needed. She cried so much. She began to hyperventilate several times the night before and this morning when I left. We still love each other, but our timing is off. We are in different places in our lives. We ended on a great note...knowing we will always love each other. I am sad as hell now. But, it's a new day and a new page in my life. I'll always miss her." "i am glad i made the flight out to see my ex. we spent two really beautiful days together. we didnt make love (although we could have, but that would have just confused things even more). but, we spent the entire time together after the shock of me being there and surprising her subsided." so, in the end. it was what i needed and i am glad i did so. @italy, i dont think you are being insensitive. just speaking the truth really. i recieved an email from her last night for the first time since i returned. it was pretty lengthy. but, to sum it up, she basically said she loves me so much. and feels depressed that she ruined the greatest thing in her life, etc. i was going to respond. but, i have not yet. i am trying to move on. and now have two dates lined up for the weekend. but, there is a part of me that wants to reply to her email...cuz gosh darnit, i still love her too.
meeji Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 That is tough. I'm glad our flight went well and she didn't take it in a negative way and that you guys could talk like adults. Good luck. I hope the future holds something good for you and her both.
castroadis Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Thanks for writing back, Tommycapnpants. In the midst of all my confusion concerning my breakup, I somehow long for the kind of closure that you have got. His coldness when he told me he was breaking up with me, the fact that I am realizing he might have planned this without telling me, Not being able to defend and prepare myself. Maybe it's too early for me. Good luck to you and once again thanks for sharing your experience.
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