blue_eyes18 Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 Hey everyone, JUst wondering what guys mean when they say they don't want a girlfriend right now, but if they did, it would be you? It is so hard not to believe this guy when he tells me that! I don't want to feel bullcrapped around, either. We went out about a month, but he kinda backed off because he moved way too fast. I don't know why he went from moving so fast to breaking up, to lets be friends, to "We are doing something next week. Just lets go slow and let everything fall into place." Could he be saying this because he is not sure of me, or is hiding something? I mean, he still tells me that I am so pretty and smart and cool. I just wish I knew why, if he still likes me a lot, then how he could go from calling me all the time and missing me all the time to all this. He did say not long ago when I asked him if it was because maybe someone else, he said"No, it is NOBODY else! I just can't be with anyone right now, but if I could it would be you." I guess maybe some of it has to do with the fact that he is an addict in recovery? I am basically just wondering if it just sounds like an excuse. I mean, if he likes me so much like he claims, then why would he not want me as a girlfriend? He did say we need to start over and then just let things happen. Well, do you think he is full of it? haha This is really bugging me though. I know we definitley clicked though. We both agreed on that one. I guess I need a guy's opinion for sure. Anyone's opinion really.
Craig Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 There are times in people's lives when they know that having a SO would not be the best thing for them or the other person. I have had times in my life when I was so focused on goals like school or career that having a girlfriend would either be unfair to her or achieving my goals would suffer.
Author blue_eyes18 Posted September 2, 2004 Author Posted September 2, 2004 Yeah, you must be right. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't one of those famous lines. lol I really never thought it was. This whole thing is confusing to me what he is going through though. Anyways, thanks.
snilljente Posted September 4, 2004 Posted September 4, 2004 It's hard to say....My guy said he couldn't get serious now (even though I had not pushed the issue and did not expect/want to get serious so early) because of legal issues and the stress that this was causing him...each time I asked him if he just wanted to break up...he said no, he was just stressed and trying to "get through right now"....I'll admit, I did panic...and bombard him with messages trying to figure out why we went from madly in love, to needing space, but still talking, to just text messaging, to him not returning my calls....I NEVER SUSPECTED he would see anyone else....but I found out via a third party that he had hooked up with a 24 yr old..he's 33, I'm 35...he told me he had always dated older women?! I don't know if some how, he figured that given my age, I was expecting someone more serious, although I told him flat out that I do not want to rush into anything serious, but that I did want to spend more time together and see "what happened"...and freaked out and took a safer partner in a much younger person who might seem like less of a threat of a serious relationship..He's going to jail in a couple of months and I told him I would see him through that time and we could "see what happened"...his behavior has completely taken me by surprise...I mean everyone thought this guy adored me, including me....so, my point was, that it is very hard to say what is going on in someone's head, especially when they won't communicate with you about it, except for bits and pieces....
Author blue_eyes18 Posted September 4, 2004 Author Posted September 4, 2004 Snilljente~ How you described your situation sounds a whole lot, like mine! Mine has a drug problem though. Actually, he is getting treatment and all, but it is still a problem, ya know? All the things he is going through is getting in the way I know, and when someone is like that, I have been told that you can't believe one word they say. And he says opposite things a lot becasue of his problem. He wants me in his life, and I want him in mine, but this whole thing with the drugs has got to get better. If it keeps going like this, I can't handle it. We are taking it very slow, and he said to let it happen if it is going to happen. That's what I want to do, it is just hard on me dealing with these feelings I get from being so confused. I hope it is not al a bunch of lies. He persists with me though and says he wants to see what happens.
Author blue_eyes18 Posted September 4, 2004 Author Posted September 4, 2004 Sorry there were so many errors in my reply! I was in a hurry!!!!!
snilljente Posted September 4, 2004 Posted September 4, 2004 Well, he still persists with you though, so that's good. Mine has cut off all contact and the last time I messaged him he sent me a message telling me to not contact him that "he is very happy with his life" (right?!)...then his new gf started calling me and telling me that he is too nice to tell me that he doesn't want anything to do with me...DAYS before he hooked up with her he was telling me he cared, that we would be together, etc....At least your guy is still talking to you...I have/am trying to move on...I don't think I would ever want mine back if he did decide he had screwed up...he has been with someone else...I don't want sloppy seconds.
Author blue_eyes18 Posted September 4, 2004 Author Posted September 4, 2004 I know what you mean girl! I don't want sloppy seconds either. And, if I find out that I am getting them, it's over. lol~ Because of his addiction, I think he needs room to help himself, and so we don't really have good relationship until he gets better. We do care about each other though ,we are just trying to slow down a little. I know that is what he needs, I just don't know if this is what I want. I am not saying he does want to, but if he does mess with someone else, I am so afraid I would get something! I am serious! I mean, it is so easy to catch something when stuff like that happens. I guess I am going overboard with it, but who can be for sure. I mean, we want thigs to work out between us, but we are at the point right now to where we can hang out with other people if we want without feelinhg bad. YOu know? But that doesn't mean I want to. And I don't think he does either. He don't want me to, I know. I can tell. He was going to cut it off completely, but I told him I would agreee to this and keep him in my life, that I could handle it. So we are going to do something next week. I probably already told you that. Anyways, I would cuss that b**** out one good time and be done with it! Just kidding! I can't stand when girls try to jump in the middle of crap. ' Last time I talked to mine a few days ago, he said for me not to call him, that he would call me. That's the only way we can have anything to do with each other right now, is if I am not pushy. He would rather me be in his life though. That's why I am going to try to deal with this. I hate that a drug problem is doing this to us. Maybe we can work out. I hope he gets better. Your guy seems like a butthead. He doesn't need to lie and take advantage of the fact that you care about him. That's what he is doing I think, and he should not have that girl call you. I think that is a bunch of drama. What you should do is act like you don't care! I am serious, it WORKS!!!!! Next time she calls or he acts stupid or something, just act like he is crazy and don't call. IF he really wants you or anything, he will come back. I know you know this. Deciding if you want him or not is the hard part. Even though I want to spend time with mine, I don't know if it worth trying to decide if he has messed with someone else or not. I don't even want him if he has, and I am not kidding! GOOD LUCK!!!!
snilljente Posted September 4, 2004 Posted September 4, 2004 YOu sound strong and happy today.....I think you are doing the right thing by just letting him call you...he needs to get his life together....and you must protect yourself while he is doing it.....My guy is a liar and did take advantage of my caring about him....to a degree I never expected....he won't call....and I don't think she will, unless I call him or something, and she gets jealous, but I am not planning on ever contacting him again....Funny, his mom told me that she told me that she said to him "you have gold, why are you throwing it away" in reference to me...his mom really wanted us to be together, which is flattering as I was just getting to know her and wasn't sure if she liked me a little, a lot...etc...Anyways, he dumped me (I'm 35) for a 24 year old and I can't compete with that....I have been told that she and I are COMPLETE opposites...I am 5'8...blonde, green eyes, athletic and she is 5'4, dark long hair and eyes, the no make up type and I am more of the "barbie" type...weird that he went from one extreme to another....I think may he got scared and found it "safer" to be with someone much younger...I will meet my man....I have to believe that and be patient and know that God has SOMEONE special waiting for me that is going to make all of this suffering worthwhile.....Stay strong and keep in touch!!
Author blue_eyes18 Posted September 5, 2004 Author Posted September 5, 2004 Hey, How are you doing today? Good, I hope. SO, what's the news today? Have you heard from him yet? You know, that is strange how men tend to do things like that, going from you to someone that you described. Strange, I don't get it either, but it may be that he is trying to forget about you because he does feel guilty. I don't kiterally mean forget you, but take his mind off of you. It could be a game to try to make you want him or change for some reason that he thinks you should. The commitment thing, you know? He may be trying to get you to feel a different way. You know, if he is being a little jerk like that, just don't call him. Then iif he does come back, be serious and honest with him. DO NOT let him see how you have felt though,except for annoyed at his behavior! My guy is supposed to come pick me up after church today, but whether he will or not depends. You know, last night I talked to him for the first time in a few days, and he said he missed me and asked if I missed him. He said he wrote a song about all of this that is going on. We talked about his drug problem also, and he said he was surprised how much I knew about everything. Well, I have been reading up on it and trying to find out more so I can help myself mainly, because he is drving me nuts with all of this! Anyway s, I guess I will see if he shows up or not. If not, I guarantee I will NOT talk to him for a while. I will not even waste my time worrying about his damn addiction or anything else. In other words, I will not let myself be disrespected like that right in my face! I think today may show me what I need to know... Well, best wishes to you, and just remember to KEEP YOUR HEAD UP!!! Holler back at me!
Author blue_eyes18 Posted September 5, 2004 Author Posted September 5, 2004 Hey Snilljente~ Well, he didn't show up! So much for that junkie! I will not feel guilty for not worrying about him now. I am not speaking to him at all. I can't believe he is doing this! a**h***! Let me know how it's gong with you!
snilljente Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 No, I haven't heard from him and I am not expecting to.....I am not really in the mode of thinking he will call...maybe he will months from now when he gets some distance from what he has done/what he has lost....but for now, I am sure that he has completely emersed himself in his new relationship with his new gf and that I am not on his mind that much....I wouldn't want him back anyways, he threw away his opportunity and that's that....no second chances...it still makes me sad, but he is not the person that I thought he was period. I am sorry your guy didn't show up....It just sounds like he is not capable of being in a relationship if he can't even keep his word to show up when he says he is going to.....You deserve better...move on....it's hard, I know, but it will not be any more heartbreaking than dealing with this man. Take care
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