creighton0123 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 (edited) Well, after a very good week, I must say that I was doing fine until I looked at the facebook profile of a friend of my ex's. Not sure why I did it. My ex isn't all that active on facebook, but there was a post about him. Nothing of substance, but brought back a little anxiety that I wasn't expecting tonight. It is anxiety enough to know that I almost two weeks post BU and not nearly ready enough to begin dating again. Tonight, I'm feeling a bit of anger towards him. Instead of working on the relationship, it seems the moment he decided he wasn't 'as happy as he used to be', he decided to cut and run. Lesson learned. I've decided that it's in my best interest to unfriend these people, since they were friends I met through my ex. They are his close circle of friends, not mine, and I can't severe ties if I visit their profiles only to see them joking around about his now being a single man and how he seems to like guys he has 'nothing in common with'. Edit: It's strange. I'm not feeling overly sad anymore. Haven't felt sadness for a week. The only thing I am feeling is anxiety - heart racing most of all - and a touch of disappointment and anger about the outcome. Edited February 23, 2013 by creighton0123 1
Author creighton0123 Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Delete. Delete 'em all! Yup. I did. I also called a close friend to talk through my anxiety. We came to the conclusion that it was less about the breakup and matched more with anxiety I feel about changed plans. I like my life to be ordered and structured, with a solid plan for at least the next year. It makes me feel more at ease knowing what's on the horizon. I don't dislike spontaneity, but like to know what's coming. The breakup changed the following plans: 1. Where I was going to live in three months 2. Where I was going to go on vacation over the summer 3. When I could start saving to buy a home 4. When I could get a dog that I really really want 5. When I could think about trying the knot (legal in MA) 6. When I could think about investigating adoption 7. Who I was going to be closest to during that time On top of that, I had plans to meet a bunch of cool people I know tomorrow for some laser tag, but that got postponed a week. I get anxious about these things, both because of the wasted time and energy planning them and the loss of potential or delightful anticipation. I was really looking forward to going to Europe this summer for a week and a half and having a wonderful, romantic vacation. I don't want to do that by myself. I don't want to do it with someone I'm fresh in a relationship with. So I decide to postpone it until I have someone in my life who I can share that amazing experience with. That made me very disappointed.
Author creighton0123 Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Meh. I don't know. I suppose my current state of mind is partially my own doing. I need to find a new circle of friends in the Boston area, which means I need to call some people I know and actually take the initiative of being social instead of moping around and waiting to be telepathically included. I'm just happier, healthier, and more at ease in a relationship and when the time comes, I prefer my next relationship to endure for the long haul. That means finding someone who isn't afraid of commitment and shares the same goals as me - including a mutual spark.
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