Standard-Fare Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 (edited) I was in a relationship that ended over a year ago, and I'm gravely concerned that I'm not over it yet. I assumed I'd be OK after a few months, but it's been a rollercoaster with very few high points. What concerns me most: A) A few times I've expressed quite clearly and honestly to my ex that I'm still in love with him, hoping for some sort of reunion. He's never responded to that positively. So why can't that be enough for me to be like "Well, he obviously doesn't care, so F him, his loss." I'm terrified and disappointed by the part of myself that can harbor love for someone who has shown me no love back. It's such a waste of energy and emotion. B) I'm having a lot of trouble getting back into the dating scene. I thought even just sleeping with a couple new people would get the ex out of my system, but nope. Having sex with others feels fundamentally wrong to me. Even SAD. So maybe I should take more time and acknowledge that I'm not ready yet, but does that mean exiling myself to an affection-less existence for the foreseeable future? The lack of physical affection in my life is starting to take a real toll on me. I've been careful about treating myself right... I exercise all the time, I'm in better shape than I've ever been in my life, I eat right, I socialize, I keep busy, I make exciting plans for the future, etc. etc. ... but nothing is curing me of this disease. It's there waiting for me every night when I get in bed. It haunts me every single day. Edited February 23, 2013 by Standard-Fare 1
blue_jay_bird Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 (edited) Everybody has their up's and down... But in all together its still going forward. THAT is if your NC, and talking to someone. You can be stuck in a train of thought, for years, and your whole life. You have to change it. It's like being on a carousel. I call it carousel crazy, ...gah i have to get off it. I'm in a Lawl at he moment cause of vday. But think about a better time during that year and how it is different. And what was happening? Edited February 23, 2013 by blue_jay_bird
Almond_Joy Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I was in this holding pattern for a little over half a year after my last breakup. I couldn't will myself out of it. I just woke up one day and was tired of being sad. I didn't have any more emotional energy to give to the loss. I thought about it and all of the sadness was used up. I was cheated on, so in my case anger took the place of the sadness. I'm sharing this to tell you that maybe this is what will happen for you, in it's own time. I get the feeling you're talking about....I don't think you can force it to go away. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to get over it quickly. Let time and distance do the rest here. Good luck, and keep doing what you're doing. It certainly isn't hurting .
destroyed4sho Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Have you been on nc for the whole year. Just accept the fact that you may never be over it and moveon with your life exactly as you have been doing. One day you will realize that u havent thought.of him.the whole day. My friend took 2yrs to get over a 5 yr relationship.
Sugarkane Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 It's difficult logically pining is just a waste of time right? If I could've healed faster it would be easier. Why should you be stuck and unhappy, while their out there living their life and having fun? Eventually you just get sick of it.
Amelie1980 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 One of my friends took 5 years too get over a 2-3 year relationship. It happens.... How long were you together.
treezy Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Reading this makes me really concerned about myself. My ex said some nasty things to me but it's still not enough for me to get over him. I still love and miss him despite it all. It makes me wonder if I will get over him.
Author Standard-Fare Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 I think the best advice here is Almond Joy's: "I just woke up one day and I was tired of being sad." A woman I know said something similar to me last week. We weren't talking about my breakup, but her own loss – a much bigger deal. Her husband, the love of her life, died in a freak accident a couple of years ago, leaving her to raise two twins alone. She has obviously had a wrenching time of time. But she was telling me that a therapist's simple words started to make sense to her: "It's sad to be sad." Not a sophisticated statement but I think it's very true. Though sadness can feel out of your control, there's at least a small part of yourself that's choosing to immerse in it, rather than challenge it or conquer it.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Don't worry, you're not alone. I too am nearly a year post breakup, several months no contact, and I still feel the same way. We were together for eight years, and had gotten engaged two months prior to breaking up. She's obviously past it and has moved on. I, on the other hand have not, and like you I have been with other people, and feel the same- it feels "alien" to me to the point I can no longer do it. I have also tried exercise, hobbies- anything not to think of her, it just doesn't work. I guess we just need more time to pass... Not much more we can do.
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