lullaby Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Well, like the title says. I was in a relationship for the past 5 months, and put an end to it because the guy was having some problems at work, his uncle had died, and he was really upset about everything but never let me help him. We had wonderful first 3 months, and then on December he started to change, saying he was sad and down about everything. I was worried about him and tried to do as much as I could to be there for him, but at one point I felt I could do no more, because he wasn't even sharing with me what he was going through. There were times he even said he didn't want to talk on the phone, said he was sorry but he hoped I would understand him and that he appreciated me being there. I became really upsed because I saw him sad, but decided it was time to think of myself and then put an end to it. He never wanted to talk face to face, I had to do it through chat. He apologized for hurting me, and said he wasn't man enough to face me. The thing is that I never understood his behaviour, and always had a feeling there was something else going on. I had seen suspicious posts on another girl's facebook, and it had caught my attention. Eventually, I forgot about that because we were already separated but today I confirmed that he was indeed with that girl, he lied to me, he was never upset, he just didn't know how to break up with me and he couldn't see me because he was feeling GUILTY! Of course!! Today I saw he posted "I'm so glad I have you in my life, beauty" and comments such as "long live the couple". So... even though I was not thinking about him anymore, in fact, I was actually realizing I still have feelings for my previous boyfriend. But this buffled me completely. I knew there was something going on but to see he shamelessly had the nerve to lie like that... uff... it kills me. I know many of you have been in this situation, and I don't know if there's something I should do. I would love him to know that I KNOW and that he couldn't fool me no more. Thanks for reading. I just needed to vent and I would really appreciate some encouraging thoughts for this awful moment...
AlexfromBoston Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Well on a positive note, his true colors shined through before you invested too much time on your relationship. So from this point on, you should be 100% confident that NC is the proper medicine for your ailing heart. He does not deserve you. Good luck hun. 2
cavalier99 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Well. Now you have even more motivation to get over the a*hole. No change of a course. Still only NC. Letting him know will bring you disappointment and conflict and set you way back. He doesn't give a ****. 2
Exitleft Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I'm sorry, that would be tough to find out. I can relate to probably wanting to break contact to tell him you know but the truth is you won't achieve anything and will probably be the one hurting most from it. If you can keep up your NC, let him think he got away with it. He does not deserve to occupy anymore of your time, I hope you feel better soon. 1
Author lullaby Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Thank you for your words. Today I woke up and couldn't stop crying. It's so hard to find out you don't know the person you were going out with, I feel he lied to me about everything! and that's what hurts me the most because I had already made up my mind about it and didn't want to get him back at all!!! I know I have to keep NC, I just had the urge to let him know that he couldn't fool me but I guess that what goes around comes around, right? I just hope I feel better soon because it hurst so much....
Exitleft Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 You're doing the right thing. Just stick with it a while longer, eventually the pain will turn into annoyance and then you won't even be bothered with him and what he knows anymore. Like you said what goes around comes around, especially if he is not remorseful. Hang in there, cry if you need to cry. Let it all out and then do something nice for yourself today. It will be alright. 2
Author lullaby Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 And I cried indeed. I feel I met a different person, I can't help thinking he's with her right now and it tears me apart, not because I want him, but because I feel used, lied to, well, you know the drill and the feelings involved... it's just so dammed hard...
Ladybugz Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Let him know and move on. Njo more wasting of time. 1
Author lullaby Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Yeah. I wish I could have the chance to let him know. Like, stumbling upon him on the street or something, that would make it easier! I'm gonna wait a couple of days, till these depressing moments end and then I'll see how I feel. Either way, I'm so grateful for having ended it before he could humilliate me more and now it´s up to that poor girl who's with him, she doesn't know... 1
Author lullaby Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 An update? Even worse, he met her parents a month ago, so he definetely went out with both of us at the same time!
geegirl Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 An update? Even worse, he met her parents a month ago, so he definetely went out with both of us at the same time! It is an awful feeling, Lullaby. After my break-up, I found out that my ex was cheating on me with 4 different women. One messaged me on FB and I found out about another woman at my girlfriend's funeral. Trust me. I know what you are going through. Cheating devalues your sense of worth. You want answers. You want revenge. You want him to pay. I would recommend that you stay NC. Confronting him will only hurt you more and cheaters will deny, deny, deny. And even if they confess, it won't change that deep feeling of betrayal that you'll carry for awhile. Grieve and heal from this. The only thing you can do.
Author lullaby Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 It is an awful feeling, Lullaby. After my break-up, I found out that my ex was cheating on me with 4 different women. One messaged me on FB and I found out about another woman at my girlfriend's funeral. Trust me. I know what you are going through. Cheating devalues your sense of worth. You want answers. You want revenge. You want him to pay. I would recommend that you stay NC. Confronting him will only hurt you more and cheaters will deny, deny, deny. And even if they confess, it won't change that deep feeling of betrayal that you'll carry for awhile. Grieve and heal from this. The only thing you can do. He was cheating on you with 4 women? My God! You can't imagine how much I want him to pay for this. And I don't even love him, I stopped before falling in love with him, lucky me! This new girl is being lied to, her family as well. I don't in this case he will deny because I have proof of it, there's no way he can hide. But like you say, even if he confesses, it won't take away this ugly feeling of betrayal. Thanks for your kind words!
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