tawdrydisgust Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/372225-vile-disgusting-empty#post4588932 First of all I want to say clearly that I take responsibility for what I did. I made a choice to cheat, and it was wrong. Also I'm sorry in advance for the novel I'm posting. I'm going to add to the situation though that after never being much of a drinker, I was drunk most days of the week for the past two months, and taking it with lorazapam here and there. The night after I posted my original thread I took several lorazapams and drank. The next day I woke up and remember being angry. The day is kind of patchy. That night I took about 30 pills and a handfull of some other ones while drinking. My husband called me that night and I guess I started crying and alluded that I was saying bye. He hung up on me and called the local police from Afghanistan. They came, and I ended up leaving in an ambulance. I don't remember anything after that but the next day I ended up in a psych hospital for a week. Anyway, my husband is being sent home indefinitely because of what happened. He has no idea what I did. I know I'm going to have to sit him down and tell him what I did. I want to cry when I think about how much pain it's going to cause him. I didn't cheat on him with the intention of hurting him. It was a barrier that he crossed and I couldn't come to grips with that, so I wanted to cross it too and see how it was so easy for him. I briefly mentioned my reasons in my original post. Part of me wishes I had never found out about what he did and wished he had been smarter about hiding it. Then when he admitted the physical affair it was almost like I felt he was selfish for unloading all that on me, as much as I tried to appreciate his willingness to attempt honesty. I tried to tell myself that I couldn't tell him and to keep it a secret. But, in the end I want to one day say that I ****ed up, but I grew into a person with character or integrity. One day. So, with him coming home from a combat zone there's going to be 'make up' sex. Ideally I wouldn't want to do that until I could be honest and he could choose whether he stills wants me or not. However I'm scared. My husband loathes the ex boyfriend I cheated on him with already. He also knows where to find him. I know the rage I felt when he told me, and I don't want him to come home fresh from combat and feel that rage. I don't want any brash decisions being made out of anger by him going after the guy. Any wisdom would be appreciated please. I'm not going for sympathy here, but trust me- I know I'm an ******* for putting myself in this situation.
seren Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 First off, nothing you have done should have the effect that you want to do anything as drastic as hurting yourself, ever. I hope you are feeling better after all you have gone through. Your H will be worried, he might be angry to be sent home, but he will be glad that you are OK. Once his initial relief is over he will ask why and that is when you have to be honest and tell him what has happened. I would do it without blame for his actions, more as an explanation of how you felt at the time, I would also try to explain how it made you feel, how and what you are prepared to do to reconcile, if that is what you both want and for you both to talk about what has gone wrong in your marriage. This isn't said gently to condone an A, revenge or not, but it sounds like no one could say anything that would make you feel as bad about your A as you do feel about yourself. Not that making you feel worse would or should be the reason people respond, it sounds like you have hit rock bottom and are seeking advice. x That you had the A with someone he hates is telling and says, to me at least, that you really wanted him to hurt as much as you felt hurt. Of course you know this wasn't the way to deal with your pain from an A. I would tell him as soon as you can, before someone else does and I would also tell the AP that you intend doing so. The reason for this, is my H is Xmilitary and I know the consequences for his career if he had gone off on one with another military person. it isn't about warning the AP, more about protecting your H and his future. I hope you are feeling better about yourself and have IRL support, the station padre should be on your list of people to trust and get support from, maybe they can help you both. Either way, I hope it goes well for you both.
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Focus on getting well right now. You need to be stronger before telling him. Also, don't go worst case senario quite yet.. You BOTH messed up, hurt one another and now obviously trust is going to be an issue on both sides. Together you two will work it out and do counseling or together you'll decide it might be easier to divorce. It depends on how much you two wanna work together and fix things, if your love is strong enough and the desire is there to want to be husband and wife again.
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