soconfused13 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 My husband and I have been together for 11 years (Since I was 17), married for almost 5 years. He is a very good man, just a little self involved. In our time together, we have moved (for his job), sold homes, started businesses (his) and gone through quite a bit together. In the last year, I have reached a breaking point. I am the one supporting us (and have been for the last couple years) and prior to that, we were actually living apart while he worked a job out of state. During that time, I supported myself, so for the last 3 years, I have basically been on my own financially. Prior to the last 3 years, I have always had a room mate, boyfriend or lived with my family, so I had never had to be totally independent. I think that because of this, I was more dependent on him before where now I don't feel like I really need him. He has been trying to start his own company and I have been trying to be patient with that but am starting to lose it. Sex is another issue all together. I have always been the one asking for it (Begging for it) and most of the time I am turned away. Since I expressed my dissatisfaction in our marriage and that I would like to have my space, he has been all over me. But it feels like too little too late. I love my husband and I certainly don't want to hurt him, but I don't feel like I am in love with him anymore. We don't have children and I feel like if this isn't working that maybe we should both move on. He says he's still in love with me and that he just wants a chance to make it better, but I told him I am over it, which he did not take well. Of course, I have talked to my mother and girlfriends, but none of them have been helpful. I really don't know what to do. I want to honor our vows, but don't want to start a family in an unhappy situation (I grew up in that kind of household and don't want to continue the cycle). I feel like I am just being a total bitch and don't want to be that girl. Help.
jf2good Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 You must feel like a lot of men do, supporting their wife all the time and begging and pleading for sex and not getting any. I would say divorce before you cheat, as no one can live like this forever, that is assuming you don't think it will get any better and very quickly. I do not think your a total bitch.
zxNadEProofxz Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 A lot of issues in marriage can be fixed with a little time, effort, and communication from both sides. It's when this fails to happen on a consistent basis where resentment and anger can set in, which appears to have already happened. You two would benefit from some kind of third-party arbitration. A marriage counselor where you go together as a couple or even just you going would benefit you two greatly and allow you to gain a different and much needed perspective. I know you're worried about being in an unhappy marriage, but many studies and anecdotal evidence has shown that just by sticking it out through the bad and putting effort into no only each other, but the marriage, things almost always turn out for the better. Most second and subsequent marriages are even more likely to fail anyways because the same issues (i.e. lack of communication, etc.) can translate into future relationships. Give it a chance! It appears that he loves you and wants to work out whatever issues were plaguing your marriage, give him the benefit of the doubt! There had to be a reason you two married in the first place Remember, your vows were "for better or worse", don't give up yet!
zxNadEProofxz Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 And you should never go into a marriage feeling like you "need" someone to get by in life. You go into a marriage willingly and with love because you want to "share" your life with that person. Part of the beauty of marriage is that you share yoursef with your spouse, but that you can also maintain your own identity and independence.
Sullyswag Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Ok I think that if he wants another chance to let him try and work it out maybe You will get more affection and is it really worth starting all over again and feeling bad because you think you did the wrong thing if you feel like that then you still love him and you need to give him a chance to fix if!!!
Author soconfused13 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 Thanks for the comments. This last weekend things kind of came to a head. He found the summary dissolution paperwork I had printed up (While he was going through my work bag) and we had to talk about it then. He's going to give me the divorce with out any trouble, but says he still wants another chance. I've decided to go ahead and file the paperwork and move forward with the divorce. I wish I could say that I want to work on it and stay together, but if I am being honest with myself and everyone else, then I have to say I am done.
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