dat_raiderguy Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Ok. I met this woman a year ago at the place where I work. She is a really cute woman two years elder to me. She initiated a date and we went out to have dinner a couple of times. We also had sex sometime later. All of a sudden out of the blue, she said she wanted to stop having sex and only wanted to be a friend. That broke my heart but in-spite of that I went out with her two times. It was awkward and some of the worst dates I have ever been in. Later she started making excuses whenever I called her out. I took this as a sign that she does not ever want to hang out with me again and so I stopped every form of communication with her. I forced myself to not think of her even though it hurt me real bad. I had some success with other women but mostly I was just alone and depressed, feeling miserable. All the while, she was still working at the same place where I work, and we see each other everyday. She smiles at me and I smile back and that's all there is to it. This made things even worse for me. She has been giving me some mixed signals lately that she might still be interested in me (Like she still remembers what I like and she once said that I haven't changed). I also heard from one of her friend's that she was still single. I gave her a bar of chocolate for VD (just to see what her reaction could be) a couple of weeks ago, and I told her that she didn't have to take it she didn't want to. She took it, and also told some other people in the office about this. She is a high energy woman and she talks to everyone she sees. Whenever she talks to me (very rarely), I do not understand if she has any feelings for me or is she just being friendly as she is with everyone else. I know that is a cliche that every guy faces but it;s just ruining me completely. I know that I care so much for this woman (She once had an accident and she never told me about it. I heard from someone else about this and I couldn't sleep for two days. I also ended up talking about this to someone else that I dated). Now it is at a point where I cannot focus and I am losing my mind. Its already been more than a year and I still cannot forget her. Its getting worse by the day and I cannot hang in there anymore. Now here comes my million dollar question - Should I pursue or should I run? Please explain how to do what you suggested me to do as well. Because, obviously I tried to run and my methods are not working right as I cannot forget about this woman. Any help is greatly appreciated! Thanks!
Apolodor Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Amigo, you made a capital error by entering into an affair with a woman at work. You are now experiencing the aftermath of that bad decision. It is always awkward when a relationship between 2 people finishes, but when you have to see your ex almost every day, that can be excruciating. The fact that she speaks rarely to you can mean just one thing: she lost interest in you. Maybe it was your lack of technique in bed or, perhaps, it was a lack of chemistry in the bedroom. Sometimes women know better than men what they want, and if they see no promise in a man, they will have no qualms discarding him. This is the 21st century! You seem to have genuinely fallen in love with this female, which complicates things considerably. But the lack of any clear interest from your female friend indicates that you'd be better off moving on to greener pastures. The best antidote for the pain you're experiencing is going out and socialising with your friends. Possibly finding a new romantic interest and pursuing it vigorously. Or, you can choose to approach this woman and humiliate yourself by begging her to get back to you. But she might find you needy and will probably be turned off. I was recently in a similar situattion as you (less the sex) and I chose the latter solution -- I can tell you that it was the biggest mistake I have ever made. Unless you want to feel the same, I suggest you go with the former solution. Hope things work out for you.
Author dat_raiderguy Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Thanks for your reply. I feel like I am spending too much of energy to NOT think about this woman. Its draining me completely, to a point where I have no more energy to charm other women. I battle with myself as to why I keep doing this rather than just use it on her (the woman in question). I tried to talk to my friends about this and they pretty much said the same things as you did. I guess I have to somehow manage to find an antidote. But arrrggghhhh Its killing me!
Apolodor Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 You need to take her off the pedestal. At the moment you see her as a Goddess, which is not a very good idea. I'm sure she has some personality or physical traits that are not perfect. Think about those and amplify them in your mind. Don't you find it strange that she requested not to have sex with you?? If you were compatible with her in the bedroom she would have found opportunities to come for more. Women tend to be completely shameless when it comes to having their physical needs satisfied. I had a crush on a woman at work very recently and I was spending a lot of time thinking about her, to the point that it started interfering with my day-to-day work. I know it's hard getting over her, but you need to avoid contact with her and spend your free time with your friends or thinking about some future plans that do not include this woman.
Pirate40 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Dude, you are describing an almost identical situation I'm going through. I recently separated from my wife. I work out of an office 180 miles from my home office every couple of weeks. Before the separation I had become friends with a girl at the away office. She's much younger than me but we liked hanging out and going to dinner whenever I was in town. Nothing more. Soon after my separation became public she approached me and told me she had always been interested in me more than just a friend. We decided to start dating. Big mistake. It started off really well but turned in to a fiasco. First came the mind games where she decided it wasn't going to work, then she came back less than a week later stating she thought she didn't give it a fair chance and we decided to try again. Well when I go back in to her town for the first time after deciding to try again she blows off our date and says she doesn't know why but it just doesn't feel right. If you want to read the whole story look for my post titled "Mind F^@cked". While I'm hurt, disappointed and humiliated on top of it I've come up with a solution. While she's extemely hot and smart (getting her Phd) she's a mess! She's got some sort of personality disorder in my opinion. Work ethic is poor, worries about irrelevant stuff, manipulates people, moody, always thinks she is right, has no "real" friends, still depends on daddy to send her a check every month and pay her bills for her. So what I've done is find all the less than pleasant things about her. It's actually helping. As a previous poster mentioned, take her off the pedestal.
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