inorii Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Hi everyone! I would like to have some advises and opinions on this. Sorry if this sounds rushed or has bad grammar. It would've been better, but my last thread didn't submit and now I had to retype everything to the best of what I remembered. It has been almost one month since my break up with my ex-girlfriend. We were together for two years and a couple weeks together. We both come from Asian backgrounds, but her was more of a stricter side. Now brace yourselves because if I don't you a summary of our relationship background, it will be alot tougher to understand my situation. We met when I was a senior and she was a sophomore during our high school years. I was her teacher aid for her art class and we didn't know each other at the time. Apparently she fell in love with me at first sight when I first transferred in her class couple days after school started. We got to know each other when one day I created facebook because my cousin wanted to keep in touch with me. She friend requested me two days after I created my facebook and I knew who she was because I kinda liked her at the time, so I accepted her. But what I didn't know was that she secretly liked me the entire time, I even checked her posts and it really was about me. After a week or so, she posted a post about giving up on love and I saw her post, so I messaged her on random things so that I can secretly encourage her and while acting cool. Eventually we got to know each other and started talking to each other every single day from then on. It was really sweet and even today it makes me happy thinking about it because it was that special to me. A few weeks gone by and she invited me to go ice skating with her and her friends. I was really skeptical at first because 1.) I didn't know how to ice skate lol and 2.) I got this bad vibe that something would happen if I were to go, but hey I didn't listen and went ice skating. When I got there, her mom was there and boy did she not look so happy seeing an older guy there (though I'm only a year and three months older than her.) What was really weird was that she was my aunt's friend and my aunt did not like my family what-so-ever. Feels like being in a typical Asian drama movie to be honest. Anyways, my aunt talked crap about my family to her mom and alot of stuff happened but would take a 400 pg. book to explain everything. In a short brief summary, we couldn't talk to each other until school was back. During that time when I couldn't talk to her, just like during the first few weeks of our break up. We thought every thing was over, so we both had stuff prepared to fight for the cause. But when we saw each other, we apologize to each other and sooner or later we became a couple. Our first year was sweet but bitter because we didn't fought against each other but other people were trying to turn us against each other. However it was still special. Our holding each other's hands, hugging, our first time kissing each other, etc. it will always remain dear to me especially, because she really meant alot to me. Never in my life I would be willing to sacrifice so much for another person, though typically I'm a really nice guy if you got to know me Moving on, during the end of the first year she asked me to make a promise to her that I would not cheat on her or abandon her because her parents found out we we're talking to each other over the internet when we were at home, so they blocked her from certain websites and destroyed her itouch. They even blocked my number (but I got a new number anyways). We still talked to each other in secrecy using instant messenger but she couldn't talk for more than 45 minutes a day during weekdays and we could only see each other a couple times a week. Eventually things still didn't go to our favor when her close friends abandon her because one of their friend used to like me but I chose my ex-girlfriend because I really liked her and didn't know about the other girl existed until a little later. So now during our second year together, she had no friends to hangout during lunch so I tried my best to take all night classes so that I could visit her 3 times a week while the rest is for school. I even took time and took her home from after school during those visiting days. I tried my best to replace her bestfriends and comfort her during her time of need. She really loved it when I did, telling me she loved me so much and never wants me to go away from her. We didn't had any fights at all during the first two years. But when she finally became a senior in high school things started to change. At first she really love seeing me and telling me how she missed me but a month or two later, seeing each other started decreasing. We started to get into small fights about seeing each other. We made up and all, but eventually she and her old friends are friends again. I was extremely happy because she wasn't lonely anymore at school. I even encouraged her to spend more time with her friends and so she did, but started to get out of hand. From seeing her 3/5 times a week, to seeing her 1/5 times a week. I wasn't so thrilled receiving less days and eventually we didn't see each other at all during the middle of the year. Eventually, she stopped talking to me on instant messenger because she said she doesn't feel like talking to me and watches Korean drama instead. I told her that during the times you want to talk now is when I'm at school in class and the days she doesn't get on, are the days I'm off. So after a while, we didn't see each other but still talked. And when our anniversary came, she didn't even bother seeing me. She started making claims that she was "busy" though I knew she was just hanging out with her friends during lunch. Although I knew, I agreed to her claim and passed it off. When Christmas was coming, I went and got her an expensive present (although she hates it when I buy expensive stuff for her, I still do it because I cared about her). I visited her the day before her school gets off without telling her this time. When I gave her present to her, she takes it but said she was busy and I left without even holding her hand because for some strange reason that was the first time ever we didn't even held hands together when walking. The pain of seeing your girlfriend lie to you saying she was busy but just wanted to hangout with her friends instead was terrifying. I was pissed and sad at the same time. Few weeks later (2013), she refused to go on instant messenger so I text messaged her to get on but she said what was the point and eventually we got into an argument with each other. Next day she told me to visit her so which I did knowing something bad was going to happen. I got there early and waited for her to get out of class and when she got out gave me a bag of my old stuff (not all of it though). We walked to our usual hangout place and not holding each other hands indicated that I was for sure dumped. She told me that she fell out of love and she doesn't think about me anymore. She doesn't even wanted to be seen with me or having to hold the burden. Focusing on school more. I told her to rethink her decision but she said she already made her decision and was thinking about it for over a month. I tried to convince her to the best I could, but she would not change her mind. When I got home later that day, I noticed that on my facebook she unfriended me and deleted couple of our secret messaging accounts, pictures, and wouldn't receive her stuff that I want to give back. She told me to give it to my sister, but I told her that I didn't want to give it to my sister so she told me to throw it away... During the first couple weeks after the break up, I tried my best to focus on school but failed hard. I thought about how jacked up she was to break up with me knowing that I had school the next day and I didn't have many absence days left since I used most of it already. My chest hurt so badly and I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I felt like I got the short end of the stick trying my best to make do with the situation. I always thought that common sense will always prevail or in most cases it would. A girl who failed twice in a relationship because they either cheated on her or failed to take responsibility would have some kind of brain to understand reality. But it did not happen. I always thought she would be with me because she has been cheated before and as long as I didn't cheat on her or treated her badly, she would be there. I guess I believed in her love letters too much and maybe that made me lose sight of reality itself. I mean seriously, if a girl who didn't want to be with you anymore give you couple $100? Well she said that is for all the food and gifts I gave her during the course of relationship (though I paid more than a few $100) but I didn't care about the money nor religion. I keep thinking that maybe she wants me to be happy because she was slowing me down? But that wouldn't make me happy at all. Being abandon because she chose her old friends instead of me. It doesn't make any sense what-so-ever. When her friends abandon her, I took away my precious time and comfort her, making her happy. And she really loved it when she saw me. When we were together she told me that whenever she sees me outside the window waiting for her, she said it was like falling in love you all over again; she said that not even that long ago? So what is with the sudden change of attitude? I'm starting to believe that being the nice guy will always be last to get anything. Neither of us cheated, well technically she chose her old friends than me so I guess I have been cheated? But it just doesn't add up. The first three weeks after our break up, I caught a glimpse of her logging on our secret messaging accounts for 5 minutes then logs off. I don't know, maybe my hopes are fooling my judgement. But when I log on facebook, I can see she hides her old profile pictures of us. I just don't know what's right or wrong anymore. Though I tried my best to move on, life is just so boring now. My bestfriend whom I known for many years left to join the army this year, my older brother crashed my car so I have no car anymore, I tried making friends at school but everyone is either too old or in a different major (my major has the lowest amount of students.) Man, I hate 2013, its such a bad year for me. I just don't know what to do anymore and would like to get some advice and opinions. Oh and I can't wait until its her birthday because I am going to dump all of her stuff on her school desk lol. I think she will really regret her decision of breaking up. I mean because she is practically screwed. She can't go on the internet at home for more than 30 mins a day, her friends are still school while she gets out early so she has no one to talk to, and all she has left are asian drama movies. I think she really made a big mistake of her life to be honest. Not trying to be mean or anything. Thank you for reading my rant! I hope you guys will help this lost turtle in need...
Kengne Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 She told me that she fell out of love and she doesn't think about me anymore. She doesn't even wanted to be seen with me or having to hold the burden. This is the most important piece of information she gave you. I know it doesn't "make sense" but as you get older you will realize people in relationships often make decisions that don't "make sense" to anyone but themselves. This is one of those instances. I don't think it has anything to do with her friends. She may just want to enjoy the "single life", esp if her gfs are all single and doing single girl things. Or she may just feel she is too young to "settle down" in a long term relationships so soon. Either way, I don't think you did anything "wrong". And even then, sometimes when you do nothing wrong & everything "right" the relationship still ends. All you can do at this point is try to keep yourself busy, DO NOT CONTACT HER, and focus on moving on. GOOD LUCK K.
Author inorii Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 I just can't be help but wonder why a person who can't access the internet world, who is trapped in the house 7 times a week, and can't even talk on the phone give up her only chance of communication? I guess that's why men and women are different in the thought process? But anyways, thank you for your advice and opinion! I'll try my best to keep myself busy and move on and hopefully things will get better for me.
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