Ex needs time

[dazednconfuse]

I was wrong agn...she sent an email to my work email..."pls call me". I really need to stop this madness. I thought she would finally leave me be...what does she want from me...more ego strokes?

 

I am able to keep this from getting to me...and actually had a nice bday...

[TaraMaiden]

Do Not Respond.

Do not, do not, DO NOT - respond.

 

The less you play her game, the more Power you regain.

 

I hate use of that word - like it's a war-game, you know.... but I can't think of a different or more appropriate term right now.

So, you know what I mean.

 

The more she demonstrates how weak she actually is, and the levels she will sink to, in order to gain your attention, the stronger you can become.

 

I know you have deep feelings for her, and I don't want to offend you, but if she was posting right now, I'd tell her in the strongest possible way (without getting an infraction) to lay off, quit being selfish and stop wanting her ego stroked.

She's acting like a five-year-old, and is attention-seeking and wanting to be loved by both of you.

 

Well, I'm sorry, that's classic Cake-Eater behaviour.

 

You see that, don't you?

Man, she's persistent, I'll give her that...

You need to really do all you can to block her.

 

And if she comes knocking do NOT let her in.

 

Honestly.

 

That way lies disaster....

[dazednconfuse]

@Tara...I do see it..but why doesnt she just let me go...as she said thats what she wants?

 

And she cant show up at door because I have not been staying at my house.

 

I do not plan to respond at all. But, I cant help but think...what does she want? I know it is messed up...but I would still take her back for another chance if she demonstrated thats what she wants. What if she is trying to get me back? I know, it is so not likely...but if she and the gf are great than why would she need me?

 

Maybe she realizes the issues with the gf had nothing to do with me in the picture?

[TaraMaiden]

@Tara...I do see it..but why doesnt she just let me go...as she said thats what she wants?

 

No. She wants YOU to let go, but it's patently obvious she still wants YOUR attention.

 

And she cant show up at door because I have not been staying at my house.

Well, let's hope she never does.... I dread to think what would happen if I answered the door!!

 

I do not plan to respond at all. But, I cant help but think...what does she want?

Her ego stroked.

The best of both worlds.

Her cake and eating it.

You name it.

But trying to get inside her head, for sure for sure, is really neither advisable or possible for that matter....

 

I know it is messed up...but I would still take her back for another chance if she demonstrated thats what she wants. What if she is trying to get me back?

Then she would say so.

in exactly the same way she told you she had made her decision.

She's playing mind-games and I don't know about you, but I am seriously getting a whole load of pi$$ed off right now....

 

She is dumping a mass of breadcrumbs your way because she sounds immature, insecure and needy and frankly she is so self-absorbed and selfish that all she honestly cares about is getting her way....

 

I know, it is so not likely...but if she and the gf are great than why would she need me?

She doesn't 'need' you.

She just wants to know that if she needs to call upon the second option, you'll be there.

If you were truly her first priority - she would be with YOU - wouldn't she...?

But she isn't. She's with new squeeze. but if that looks dicey, at least her 'soft place to land' still wants her.

 

Ugh.

 

Maybe she realizes the issues with the gf had nothing to do with me in the picture?

Or maybe you realise she is one crazy phukked-up individual who is messing with your head, and frankly would be better ignored, blanked off and blocked off at every turn?

 

Maybe??

 

It's time to stop asking the "What is she doing?" questions, and time to implement your safety strategy.

To help your heart heal and get out of this mess.

Edited March 15, 2013 by TaraMaiden

[dazednconfuse]

Happy St pats all....

 

So I have been super busy and feeling pretty good.

 

She has called, emailed and texted but has not said anything so I continue ignoring...its been around 10 days since we had last talk. I have been ok ignoring and I labeled her contact info as "waste of time" so it comes up that way as a reminder.

 

Today she has finally "cracked". She left messages begging me to call her. That she made a mistake, is sorry, and she is not happy. Said She has to have me in her life and "needs me to help her find her way".

 

She has not said what she really wants so I do not want to talk to her still and just "waste more time" with dumb talk.

 

She throwing more crumbs or what?

[TaraMaiden]

I would say so.

 

The problem I see here, is that even if you were to relent and say, "Oh, okay then, let's talk about this".... She would still be the confusing, prevaricating, indecisive person she always has been.

In short - you can never trust now, that she simply won't bounce back and forth on you.

She has proven herself to be unreliable, flaky and frankly - let's face this head on, shall we? - she's cheated on you.

She committed to someone else, and left you.

 

Really, do not let yourself be messed about like this.

[TaraMaiden]

Happy St pats all....

 

So I have been super busy and feeling pretty good.

 

She has called, emailed and texted but has not said anything so I continue ignoring...its been around 10 days since we had last talk. I have been ok ignoring and I labeled her contact info as "waste of time" so it comes up that way as a reminder.

 

Today she has finally "cracked". She left messages begging me to call her. That she made a mistake, is sorry, and she is not happy. Said She has to have me in her life and "needs me to help her find her way".

 

She has not said what she really wants so I do not want to talk to her still and just "waste more time" with dumb talk.

 

She throwing more crumbs or what?

 

The Bolded part speaks to me of a lack of commitment on her part.

She doesn't want you in her life to be by her side, and stay with her, she wants you to help her find her way.

 

WTF does that mean??

That, to me, means - "I don't want to commit myself to you specifically and definitely, because you and I won't work, but I need you to be around me, giving me love, support and friendship, while i decide what to do with my life....."

 

In other words, I want you in my life, but I can't even begin to promise i will commit to yours.

 

Get the hell outta here..... :mad:

[dazednconfuse]

Hey Tara...thanks for all the replies. Very helpful. She is a cheat and liar.

 

I mis spoke slightly...she said "i need to help her get back on track". She sounded so miserable. So sad for her. Not...

[TaraMaiden]

Okay, but my comments still stand, particularly the previous one, where I pointed out that she has made herself completely untrustworthy.

 

It makes me angry just to know she's still trying to yank your chain after all she's done. And somehow expects you to drop everything and stand there open armed....?

 

This hopefully gives you an insight into an aspect of her character which unfortunately, is not altogether likeable....

 

Keep going. Stay no contact, and be strong....

[dazednconfuse]

After several days of me ignorning messages...I finally called her to try to end the stupidness of non sense communication.

 

She was calling and texting constantly and was crying....and begging me to talk to her. She said she was miserable, un happy, sick and was lost without me on her messages. She was saying she was sorry and wanted to make things right. And, she was wrong and had to have me in her life.

 

So, when I called, I said, 'what do you want'. She reiterated all the things above. I said nothing. Then said it makes no sense since she threw me out like garbage. She said she was trying to make things right and the other pulls her back...said the other was having surgery the next day and asked her to take care of her.....said the whole thing makes her sick...She then said she had to throw up and hung up. So, never really got what she wanted from me.

 

So, that was it for days....nothing. So I assume she is playing nurse, lol.

 

 

Then today, a text....'i miss you...im so sad wo you..take sense of satisfaction knowing you are loved and missed'.

 

I really think this girl has flown over the cuckoos nest. It is clear she is in bad shape and does nothing to change it. I am happy she is miserable and hope that feeling gets worse with each passing day...

 

As for me, I am getting stronger. I feel better. I cant lie, if she did some big jesture I would want to try again with her (with eyes open). We cant help who we fall for right? But, I am happy to not deal with the dumb **** anymore so move on a day at a time.