Minki Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 This has been the worst week of my life! My ex(broke up 2 years ago) decided to share some intimate photos of us with my family and friends which also found their way to my fiance and his family. I haven't really spoken about the incident with my fiance or had sex since it happened, but I did notice him crying in the shower yesterday morning It kills me to see him hurt like that and I regret reconnecting with my ex which lead to all this drama. Knowing my fiance well he is probably analyzing the situation in his head which is why he has become so distant the past few days...no cuddling, no sex and the affection has died down a lot. I don't want to suggest therapy as my fiance's mom is a therapist and she will most likely feel that I am no longer good enough for her son and manipulate his feelings to make break off the relationship. Do I give my fiance space to resolve the issue on his own and be there when he wants to talk about it, or should I keep nagging so we can talk about it and move on?
geegirl Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 So, you reconnected with your ex while with your fiance?
Feelin Frisky Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I vote for space. Some gentle prompting down the road a bit is good too. Were these really carnal pix or just clothed togetherness? One is easier to get over than the other. Welcome to LS, btw.
Author Minki Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 So, you reconnected with your ex while with your fiance? Yes, I felt that we could be friends since I have no romantic feelings for him left.
Author Minki Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 I vote for space. Some gentle prompting down the road a bit is good too. Were these really carnal pix or just clothed togetherness? One is easier to get over than the other. Welcome to LS, btw. I just don't want him to slip away and break things off because of this. The photos was of us having sex, basically showed everything... Thanks for the welcome
iouaname Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 That's so disgusting of your ex - what an awful jerk. Suggest to your fiance that whenever he is ready to talk about it, you will talk about it, but until then you'll give him space. Then, give him space and just be available when he wants to talk about it. 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Well, did you cheat on ex while with fiance? If those pics were from before your relationship with fiance, tell your fiance that obviously.....you did nothing wrong. Then also tell him how BAD the sex was with your ex and that he was really BAD in bed, the worst you ever had in fact. He didn't know what he was doing, etc.......this will calm him down. Also, add in other BAD things about him too, he was a wimp, not a real man, point to specific examples, I am sure you have plenty (point to what a little pathetic creature he is to share nudes with your family). You have to destroy the threat, belittle the ex so that maybe your fiance can get back some of his esteem/manhood back. I wonder if you can file a law suit or something for exes actions?? I think I heard someone doing this for the distribution of nude pics.. Never contact ex again. EVER. and tell your family to never speak to this guy again. 3
Joaquin Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Seems the ex had unfinished business. If it were my gf, I'd break his legs. What a scummer. 2
Ladybugz Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 what is intimate pictures? cause if you made nude pics with him, its your own stupid fault. things like that always can come out especially after a break up. exes can use it against you. so if you are not planing to become a porn star dont make pics or film even if you are horny as hell or crazy in love. now your reputation is a mess so you have a lot to explain to the people you are with now
Joaquin Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 what is intimate pictures? cause if you made nude pics with him, its your own stupid fault. things like that always can come out especially after a break up. exes can use it against you. so if you are not planing to become a porn star dont make pics or film even if you are horny as hell or crazy in love. now your reputation is a mess so you have a lot to explain to the people you are with now The only thing the op could apologize for is reconnecting with the ex. That was a bad move. The rest is down to the scum bag ex. 3
Author Minki Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Well, did you cheat on ex while with fiance? If those pics were from before your relationship with fiance, tell your fiance that obviously.....you did nothing wrong. Then also tell him how BAD the sex was with your ex and that he was really BAD in bed, the worst you ever had in fact. He didn't know what he was doing, etc.......this will calm him down. Also, add in other BAD things about him too, he was a wimp, not a real man, point to specific examples, I am sure you have plenty (point to what a little pathetic creature he is to share nudes with your family). You have to destroy the threat, belittle the ex so that maybe your fiance can get back some of his esteem/manhood back. I wonder if you can file a law suit or something for exes actions?? I think I heard someone doing this for the distribution of nude pics.. Never contact ex again. EVER. and tell your family to never speak to this guy again. The photos were taken long before I even met my fiance. Sadly my ex was addicted to a site called fetlife which is mainly based on different kinds of fetishes, so you can only imagine what embarrassing acts I had to endure while in a relationship with him. I think for now I will tell my fiance that I love him and that I chose to spend my life with him and not my ex, maybe even belittle my ex a bit like you suggested.
Ladybugz Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 The only thing the op could apologize for is reconnecting with the ex. That was a bad move. The rest is down to the scum bag ex. i did not even talk about apologizing yet and i think she will have to explain any way cause her new family think different of her now and her fiance
Ladybugz Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 The photos were taken long before I even met my fiance. Sadly my ex was addicted to a site called fetlife which is mainly based on different kinds of fetishes, so you can only imagine what embarrassing acts I had to endure while in a relationship with him. I think for now I will tell my fiance that I love him and that I chose to spend my life with him and not my ex, maybe even belittle my ex a bit like you suggested. hmmm...... i think you where grown enough to make your own choice not to join his fetish. blaming him like you had no choice will not make it better for your fiancé ears. be side i think the may think more about what kind of girl you are then just the act itself
Author Minki Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 what is intimate pictures? cause if you made nude pics with him, its your own stupid fault. things like that always can come out especially after a break up. exes can use it against you. so if you are not planing to become a porn star dont make pics or film even if you are horny as hell or crazy in love. now your reputation is a mess so you have a lot to explain to the people you are with now Yes and I have always regretted doing it, but it is what it is and I have to deal with it.
CarrieT Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 The photos were taken long before I even met my fiance. Sadly my ex was addicted to a site called fetlife which is mainly based on different kinds of fetishes, so you can only imagine what embarrassing acts I had to endure while in a relationship with him. With all due respect (as a member of Fet), you did not ENDURE acts... Did you ask him to stop? You were a willing participant or you would not have let him take pictures. Put on your Big Girl Pants. You were a willing participant if you agreed to having photos. 1
Mack05 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 It baffles me why women put themselves in these scenarios...I mean if there are pictures with your husband I can at least understand that. But if you not married, have you ever been in a relationship that hasn't broke up!? This means if you put yourself in compromising positions it can come back to haunt you. The guy is scum for doing this (I would Knock him clean out if I were your fiancee), but this all your own fault. If I am your finance I would puke seeing these pictures. Getting those images of you with another man out of his head is going to take time and he may never get over this. No man wants to see his future wife in these kind of position(s). It's such a lack of class. Sometimes I wonder where have all the elegant, classy women gone? Just give him space and hope for the best, but I fear this could be the end. Its how you degraded yourself here is the issue. If he loses his respect for you, I can't see how he can stay. Hopefully your guy has a different attitude to me.
geegirl Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 The photos were taken long before I even met my fiance. Sadly my ex was addicted to a site called fetlife which is mainly based on different kinds of fetishes, so you can only imagine what embarrassing acts I had to endure while in a relationship with him. I think for now I will tell my fiance that I love him and that I chose to spend my life with him and not my ex, maybe even belittle my ex a bit like you suggested. Endure? I agree with CarrieT. You were a willing participant. And if this man put you through all that, against your will, why would you even consider being friends with him?
Author Minki Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 With all due respect (as a member of Fet), you did not ENDURE acts... Did you ask him to stop? You were a willing participant or you would not have let him take pictures. Put on your Big Girl Pants. You were a willing participant if you agreed to having photos. I was 21 and even though I did participate, I did not enjoy it which was the main reason why I left the relationship in the first place. I have no desire to urinate on my partner or being tied up...I was young, naive and stupid to allow a man to use and abuse me for his sexual gratification. I didn't feel loved or appreciated, but merely an object to satisfy his sexual fantasies. My fiance is exactly the opposite. He is loving, affectionate and would even rub my feet after a long day at work. His attention to detail is beyond my wildest imagination as he would randomly write love messages on my back in bed at night before going to sleep. I have a very deep emotional connection with my fiance which I never had with my ex.
xxoo Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Why would you reconnect with an ex who you believe abused you? Something doesn't add up.
anne1707 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I don't want to suggest therapy as my fiance's mom is a therapist and she will most likely feel that I am no longer good enough for her son and manipulate his feelings to make break off the relationship. If she is a half decent therapist then she won't look upon someone seeking therapy as "no longer good enough" but as someone who has recognised that they have some problems they need help with. I would have thought she would be in favour of you doing this. 1
Author Minki Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Why would you reconnect with an ex who you believe abused you? Something doesn't add up. He added me back on facebook after 2 years(slightly less) of NC and I accepted, we hardly spoke after that. I am not one to hold grudges or cut off people from my life, but after this I would do him some serious bodily harm if we ever meet again.
Author Minki Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 If she is a half decent therapist then she won't look upon someone seeking therapy as "no longer good enough" but as someone who has recognised that they have some problems they need help with. I would have thought she would be in favour of you doing this. I love his mom and thought about approaching her and tell her everything, but at the same time I am so ashamed and scared what she is thinking of me.
anne1707 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I love his mom and thought about approaching her and tell her everything, but at the same time I am so ashamed and scared what she is thinking of me. It might actually be a good thing to do. Let her see that you feel awful about this, recognise that you made mistakes when you were younger. She is supposed to be a good listener after all with her work. You do need to clear the air with them as well as your fiance 2
geegirl Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 He added me back on facebook after 2 years(slightly less) of NC and I accepted, we hardly spoke after that. I am not one to hold grudges or cut off people from my life, but after this I would do him some serious bodily harm if we ever meet again. It's not about grudges. If someone does you that type of wrong, or inflicts that type of abuse on you, you create boundaries to remove that sort of negativity in your life. 1
Author Minki Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 It's not about grudges. If someone does you that type of wrong, or inflicts that type of abuse on you, you create boundaries to remove that sort of negativity in your life. Honestly I am so in love with my fiance I couldn't care less about my ex. When I got his friendship request I just thought "meh" and accepted. Never thought we would actually communicate or share life experiences as I had a wedding to plan and was looking forward to spending my life with my fiance. Then this happened and now he is suddenly back being the center of attention. I just hope karma kicks his ass and soon too.
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