Break ups are confuzing . Need understanding this and positive insight.

[Dubphonik]

Apologies this is a page.

I was with my girlfriend for a year and a half. She is kind of a freespirit and loves the night life on weekends due to working at a demanding job. I work fulltime and go to school fulltime. So we only see each other on the weekends. She lives in the city and I live in the suburbs. In our relationship she has always been serious about our future and being on the path of kids, marriage, and happiness. I agreed I wanted the same being both 30. We both were inseparable on the phone and together. We both agreed no past relationship compared to the bond we shared and we were bestfriends that could read each others thoughts.

 

We were doing great until the last few months. We started fighting when I got mad at the drinking and wildness. She was being a little disrespectful and stomping on my feelings with flirtation and abandoning me at bars with me walking home lost in the city. I laid my feelings out there and slowly but surely we started doing couple stuff. Well communication went out the door with her and the night life mishaps came back into play. She claimed I was making her unhappy and she wanted to take a step back from the relationship. I pushed communication again and things went back to being a couple again.

 

The love seemed to be really strong at this point. She would bring up marriage, having children, and moving in. I gave her my opinion on moving in first before marriage and she claimed she wanted a ring before that happens. It ended up with me telling her that it's safer my way. I got screamed at and left. She claimed I said I'm done with the relationship when i didn't. I was expressing me being done with the argument and walking away since it was heated without leveling out. I tried to explain that too. She is now focusing on all of our fights and making me to be the bad guy. Kind of a focus on the bad to get over me tactic. I've tried to speak with logic on working through this. She declined.

 

My birthday was the following week and on the same week as Valentine's Day. She seemed done. She went to her friend's birthday party with tons of single men and seemed more distant and short in texts. After her friends birthday party she decided to call me and see me because she felt bad by ditching me on my bday. So I saw her the next day and she immediately engages making love to me. We wished each other an I love you and goodnight she left.

 

The next day she was different. Colder and short. I asked her why is she acting like that and she said don't get the wrong idea. We aren't together. We are in an unofficial relationship. I said why is that. She said the fighting. I asked does that mean we are in an open relationship? She said technically yes. I got upset and stopped talking to her because I can't go from official to unofficial. She asked me to come back around and we hung out exchanged cards and gifts and made for the weekend after Vday.

 

I asked her afterwards are we still unofficial. She snapped with what do you not understand I need time. We fight all the time and we don't work. You are impatient and I walked out the door upset and confused. It has been a really hurtful week. She has been short in communication all week. I asked if there was someone else so I can move on with closure. She flipped out and said I told you the reasons already and no! there is no one else. I want to be alone!

 

I went to the bar feeling unwanted and hurt and slept with a really attractive random. I know that was wrong and it didn't fix anything. I live with my ex's bestfriend and my bestfriend which are a couple. They hooked me and my ex up. My bestfriend's girlfriend heard the drunken sex and texted me pissed. It's been 3 days since and I havent got a response. Instead I was blocked on facebook by her today. I love her, but I'm confused, hurt, depressed, and this is affecting my school, and work. I don't know what to do. This all has happened so quickly in just over a week. I want her back but then again I don't want this unofficial bs. I would much rather have closure but feel this is all a mind F of a game. Any thoughts?

[Kengne]

She flipped out and said I told you the reasons already and no! there is no one else. I want to be alone!

 

At what point will your mind accept what your heart is refusing to hear?

 

She said she wants to be alone. She said you are not in an official relationship. Yes she may love you and yes you had sex = but those things alone do not a relationship make.

 

She does not want to be with you, in an OFFICIAL relationship, right now. She may or may not be telling the truth about there being someone else on the side but IT DOESN'T MATTER.

 

If she doesn't want to be with you because the sky is blue - ACCEPT IT.

If she doesn't want to be with you because she met someone else - ACCEPT IT.

If she doesn't want to be with you because _____________ - ACCEPT IT.

 

ACCEPT IT, and MOVE ON. And that means continuing with NC.

 

You wanting her back is irrelevant if SHE does not want YOU back.

 

The more you try to get all "logical" with her and "convince" her back into the relationship, the harder she will push away.

 

Stop pushing.

 

FALL BACK - WAY BACK and start the process of picking the pieces of your heart/life back together. You have to accept it's over and move on. There is no going back at this time. She has shut that door and you need not force it anymore.

 

You are 30 (like me) - I hope you have had other relationships before, and if so you know you WILL move on and meet someone else - IT'S INEVITABLE it always happens.

 

Cry, grieve, write about in on here - BUT DO NOT REACH OUT TO HER.

 

MAN UP and walk away, with your dignity intact.

 

K.