meeji Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I went to a party and met a guy.I was formally introduced. During that introduction, I made a comment that he was very handsome. He thanked me and the convo continued. I checked him out for a while then decided to find out if he was taken. I just asked him if he was attached and he did the, "its complicated, "thing. He told me a fair amount of the story. It is my understanding that he had a thing with a girl but she pulled the "I can't do this, it is stressing me out card." He said he has separated himself from that and is just focusing on getting his **** back together. At the end of the night, I gave him my number. The next day we crossed paths and he cheerfully came up and spoke to me. He also remembered my name, which I guess is rare when alcohol is involved lol. Anway, I contacted him on fb apologizing for getting into his personal life and explained that all I really wanted to know was whether or not he was single. I said something about being able to relate to the situation he is in (as some of you know, i'm about 1.5 months out of a relationship that more or less ended the same way). I also said that if he didn't feel weird about it that I would like to be friends. I didn't get any response but he sent me a friend request on fb the next day. Then about 4 days later I got a message that said: ["It was really nice meeting you too! I sincerely appreciate the complements, they're things I can really hang onto, you know? I also appreciate your understanding the position I'm in. It's one of those things I wish I could just flip a switch and have it all dealt with, but have come to accept it'll just keep taking time... and good, good friends. I've been really blessed to get to know people like (mutual friend) who've helped me heal a lot over the last year by simply being so friendly to me, and it delights me to get to know more friends of hers. I would very much like for us to be friends, and we can certainly hang out if/when I succeed in moving ( to place closer to my city) this year. Sorry if I sound kinda stiff, I'm not too good at feelingsy stuff. Long as you know I'm not wierded out or uncomfortable or anything, and very cool with being friends."] I was thrown off because its typical for a guy to ignore a girl when he isnt interested and my message was ignored .......or so I thought, at first. Sending a friend request to a girl that flirted with you that you aren't interested in is like hanging yourself if you really don't want to be bothered. [i sincerely appreciate the complements, they're things I can really hang onto, you know? ]It isn't very clear whether or not he's is just being nice and thanking me for the compliments or saying that he hasn't ruled out the idea in the future. I kinda feel like this message is a little open-ended... Neither one of us needs to be jumping into a new relationship right now but I wouldn't mind being friends and seeing where it goes. What do you guys think?
clia Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I don't see any mixed signals. You pursued him, you asked if he was single, you gave him your number, you contacted him on Facebook... He waited four days and then kindly told you he is fine with being friends with you. I don't see any indication in his message that he wants any kind of romantic relationship with you, now or in the future. Don't read more into it than what is there in black and white: "friends" over and over again. We'll see. Let us all know when he calls you up to see if you want to grab a beer and watch the game platonically. You know full well that only reason you want to be friends with him is to see if it might turn into something more. That isn't a good reason to be friends and is completely transparent. Also, it's a great way to get strung along and hurt. I think you should focus on guys who want to have a relationship with you instead. It's much more rewarding. 1
Author meeji Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 I actually am totally fine with being friends with him. I prefer to be friends with guys first before i start dating them. I feel like i get to know them better when we are just friends than if i met them strictly with the intent of starting a relationship. Aside from being attracted, we have at least 15 mutual friends and lot of things in common. Because of the hobbies in our social cirlce, we will be seeing each other fairly often. I think you are being a little harsh with that statement. With that being said, i also mentioned that i'm not wanting to immediately jump into a new relationship and from what I can tell he shouldnt be either. All i'm asking is if you think that wanting to see where things go is a mutual feeling. Thanks for your response.
TaserTag Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I agree with clia. I don't think that he currently wants to 'see where things go.' I think that he has already decided that he just wants to be friends. He repeatedly says that he is okay being friends and wants to be friends. Just friends. He gave you reasons for why he doesn't want to get into anything romantic. His message seems like he's trying to politely and clearly let you down more than anything. You seem like you are pursuing him and he seems like he is trying to put up some boundaries. I don't think that sending someone a facebook friend request means anything more than 'friends' either, especially when you told him that you wanted to be friends on facebook.
Author meeji Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 A lot of the guys in my social circle are very shy and kinda nerdy. I have one i particular that will get as far as setting up a date with a girl and he always asks me before and after he interacts with a girl, what he should do. Seriously, the girl could be straddled over some of them naked and they would still be asking "do u really thing she likes me?" The girl contacted him first on a dating site. They communicated via mail and then text, which eventually lead to him asking her to meet. Even though the girl expressed interest, he didn't know how to return it. It wasnt so much that he didnt like the girl he just didnt know what to do. He hasnt scored a second date but he also isnt sending out clear signals to her that he wants to.. its ironic bc i get to hear about her all day......everyday. I second guessed it bc i see this kind of behavior often in my group. If u guys think i'm being ridiculous, i can accept that perspective. I think i'll start a thread about dating styles. I thinks its pretty interesting
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