Chloe1980 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 this is my second day. I woke up and instantly sneaked his facebook. Then I started to feel very bad again. the one thing that makes me feel stuck with this situation is the false belief that he will change his mind. since I am still thinking that, I am in a sort of passive waiting. Waiting for him to contact me saying he does indeed love me. Later on the morning I started to think that he was truly honest and clear. why he will change his mind? Why he would suddenly want me back if he said he is not in love with me, he doesnt want a relationship, he doesnt want to see me anymore? All this info makes me free to move on. I have some lightening moments when I can understand this, but some other, the majority, when it's easier to continue getting stuck in the same exact place where everything is so cloudy and doubtful, and where I still have the stupid fantasy he will regreat letting me go. 1
Kengne Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 You are pseudo-stalking him and feeding into the rollercoaster emotions aka that "bad" feeling you had, after sneaking his FB. Stop. The less triggers you have from "seeing" him, the less your emotions will be all over the place and the faster your healing process. NC is not just about not reaching out via text/phone - it's about cutting that person out of your life, completely, for a time, so you can heal. That also includes FB. K. 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 this is my second day. I woke up and instantly sneaked his facebook. Then I started to feel very bad again. the one thing that makes me feel stuck with this situation is the false belief that he will change his mind. since I am still thinking that, I am in a sort of passive waiting. Waiting for him to contact me saying he does indeed love me. Later on the morning I started to think that he was truly honest and clear. why he will change his mind? Why he would suddenly want me back if he said he is not in love with me, he doesnt want a relationship, he doesnt want to see me anymore? All this info makes me free to move on. I have some lightening moments when I can understand this, but some other, the majority, when it's easier to continue getting stuck in the same exact place where everything is so cloudy and doubtful, and where I still have the stupid fantasy he will regreat letting me go. Yes, I feel you. Pretty normal thoughts after only 48 hours of NC...I still have these hopes, feelings after almost 2 months...My friend said it best "what the chances she is going to wake up one morning realize how in love with you she is, contact you, apologize and want to be with you forever?, the chances of that are next to 0"....yep my friend was right. 2
Author Chloe1980 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 destroyed4sho: Exactly, like a soap opera, right? One hopes everything will happily end, as if we were the main actors of a cheap love story. I'm laughing now (first time in 48 hours)
Author Chloe1980 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Awww rollercoaster, cant stop crying now, the pain is pressing my chest. Just thinking he may be with other woman already, happy. this is killing me. Cant stand how he looked at me when he was dumping me: ironically, like if he was mocking at me and my stupidity. I feel so low right now
Mack05 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Awww rollercoaster, cant stop crying now, the pain is pressing my chest. Just thinking he may be with other woman already, happy. this is killing me. Cant stand how he looked at me when he was dumping me: ironically, like if he was mocking at me and my stupidity. I feel so low right now I wish I could give you a big hug Chloe... Just try remember if you are following strict NC, checking his Facebook is actually breaking it..
Author Chloe1980 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Yes, I know :"( I need to stop this, I need to stop this, I need to stop this...I wish I could understand and stop stalking him for once! I have so much free time right now, home alone, cant study, cant do anything productive...This morning was better, now Im falling again. I wish tomorrow will be better.
Kengne Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 You have too much free time. You need to be out & about, throwing yourself into social events anything to keep yourself NOT at home crying & thinking about it. This is why it's so important to not let friendships fall to the wayside over a relationship. Because when the man/woman goes, your friends should still be there for you to lean on. K.
tvball11 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 We all have weak moments (i had one today)...but you need to delete or block him from FB so you are not tempted. Trust me he will feel you withdrawaling. The thing I am learning from NC is it is not about them it is about yourself. And other people on LS has shown me that you need to do this for your own self respect! Whether or not he changes his mind, it does no good for you to keep checking up on him. Put yourself in his shoes do you think any begging, stalking, or anything to that effect will change his mind for the better? NO it just looks bad and it is neediness which will repel him further! STRICT NC! You can do it! Alot of us in similar situations and we are doing NC so you are not alone. SELF-Respect!
Kaza Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 You have too much free time. You need to be out & about, throwing yourself into social events anything to keep yourself NOT at home crying & thinking about it. This is why it's so important to not let friendships fall to the wayside over a relationship. Because when the man/woman goes, your friends should still be there for you to lean on. K. This is really good advice, at least for me. Within the last 24 hours, I immediately went to 3 friends, separately, and one on a phone call. They all tell me how strong I am and how much more I'm worth and I deserve. And hearing that from people you respect and like gives you strength. Big hug for you and you're definitely not alone. Stay strong, you're tougher than you think.
AlexfromBoston Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Chloe, you could always just draft up a nice little email thanking your ex for all the nice memories you shared together. Maybe include a date to meet up and talk about things. But in general, the gist of the email should be an attempt at reconciliation. Now hold onto this email until you complete 3-4 weeks of strict NC. After completing your 3rd week of NC, open up your draft, look it over and make your decision. If the email makes sense and you think sending it is a good idea....well send it. If the email looks ridiculous(and it prob will) then delete it immediately. If you are on the fence, give it another week or 2. Good luck hun.
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