My story.. and !

[Lillygoose]

Im nearly 21 and my ex is 24 to clear things up. Im from the UK, I met Nick, on facebook, im from Devon and him from Norwich. I knew his friend Adam at uni in plymouth and commented on a status to find nick had commented on it also! And we generally had a laugh on it.!! Something about swine flu!! (Makes me feel old)!! We didn't know each other at this point.

 

Anyway, we added each other over facebook as we could see we where both into photography. He had a girlfriend and at this point who he was with year and a half I saw him nothing more than a friend.

 

Eventually, we got chatting more and more just harmless talk about how our day had gone etc etc. then two weeks later surprise surprise! He said he wanted to meet me and he was now single! So because I knew him from Adam, (Nicks best friend)I agreed to meet.

 

although I felt terrible thinking I was the reason they had spilt he assured me It wasnt! (LIES)

 

The weekend was perfect, and I fell for him straight away.

 

He would make the 360 miles trip down to see me every 2 weeks, and occasionally did the romantic surprise trip with flowers!

 

Year had passed! I had just finished college and agreed to move up to norwich to be with him. I had a v big family and a twin and a newborn nephew! But he was worth it!

 

Managed to get a job second day of being up there everything was bliss!!

 

So four years down the line, We had everything planned we agreed in a couple years we would like a child, and I have strong beliefs marriage before child. We where house hunting looking to buy in the norwich area in November and planning our future.

 

Last Dec we went christmas shopping everything was fine he told me he loved me, and was just normal Nick! The day after that we went out I brought new things for the house! keep in mind I moved in with him!

 

Then 2 hours later, out the blue He said I dont want to be with you anymore.

 

I was distraught. I love him and I had moved all this way to be with him!

 

So after crying for about 6 hours and ranting to the best-friend in aussie, I went bed. While he slept downstairs.

 

I woke up at 5 in the morning and instantly thought ' oh he must regret it, he doesn't mean it ' To see his phone light up, A text from some one called Ashleigh, I never check his phone I trusted him 100 % So I was surprised to find a pass code on it!

 

I went back upstairs and went on to his mac...Yes us girls do crazy things!

And he had talked to her publicly and privately over twitter, I thought well why do both? He had deleted previous texts from her.

 

I went down and confronted him , i said be honest with me now is there any one else? He was no, noo your crazy there is no one else!! I said well who is Ashleigh he explained she works with him in a different office she knows all about our relationship. i was fuming how come this complete stranger knows all about our relationship.

 

The next day, bear in mind we live together was horrible. He had changed he didn't smile at me or look at me the same way! I was a constant mess I couldn't stop crying.

 

My friend took me out to london to take my mind away from him, and while i was there I got I love you I am just not in love with you.

He had agreed to pick me up at 1 in the morning at my friends house. He seemed a little off. While we where driving on the motorway, he turned his lights off on the car and thought it was funny to swerve across the road in the pitch black! Which resorted to me screaming my head of at him!

 

we got home, And I confronted him again saying right give me your phone this second I know your hiding something, And yet again '' oh your crazy how dare you think there is some one else etc etc ''

We agreed that we would have a weeks break and me go back down south, to see how he feels.

 

the whole week was horrible, he kept saying oh we will be friends I dont want to give you false hope etc etc ...

 

I drive, however my car was out of action..typical! So my dad made the 14 hour journey to drop me back..

 

I gave nick my key before i left and when I arrived at our house, He wasn't in.. Finally after an hour he answered and said he would make his way back.

 

 

When nick pulled up he stank of alcohol, and said he had a few! I then questioned why he was driving?!?!

 

So at this point I thought he was actually loosing it!

 

We then stupidly slept together, which when we woke up said it felt like a one night stand. All I wanted was intimacy.

 

The next day I was cleaning the house, he was out. And his mac was wide open. it made the messaging sound as someone had just messaged him.

 

Im was a hairdresser in norwich and I knew alot of people at this point. And it was a 17 year old girl who was one of my clients i do both her sisters and her mothers hair.

 

She started the conversation with Oh i hear you and Lauren have spilt up, Can i move in I will pack my things and come live with you on sunday,

 

 

Got onto the subject of will he buy her underwear, he then agreed and agreed to send each other dirty pictures.

 

I felt sick, i was reading all this out to my friend at this point. Who told me to check archives, as when you delete messages they go in there.

 

I found loads to different girls one to this ashleigh telling her to feels horrible because a weight has been lifted and I didn't mean anything.

 

I was so upset, surely if he was this unhappy he would of said'?

 

And more messages to his friends telling them how i kept his ''under the thumb''

 

I was in tears i text him telling him to never come back..

 

So of course, He came back straight away.. was saying sorry he really f'ed up big time and he didnt mean what he said to his friends he makes everything out to be better than it actually is.

Went upstairs came back down and said i was just joking with them, thats all.

 

I went and stayed with my friend for a couple days and I got text after text saying im sorry Im sorry.

 

I then went back to work to find a client of mine had seen him in sainsburys with another girl a couple weeks back when we where together.

 

I confronted him yet again and he said oh It was just LISA from work.

 

I knew the girls at work so I was relived but that was the first i had heard about this Lisa girl.

 

So the agreement was, I stay in our house until I find another place to rent.

 

and of course, when you love someone you worry about them and every night he would go out and come back six in the morning and get back in to bed with me.

 

Christmas came, and It was horrible, We spent it with his family, who I adore! i over spent on him because I got everything previous to the breakup, day shooting holiday in amsterdam etc etc

 

Christmas went and new year came i was working New years eve until 3 in the afternoon, turns out our friends had just invited him out and he didnt want to not go so he left me alone by myself until five in the afternoon the next day we he kicked me out my house. gave me the number to local council and Samaritans .

 

So I moved to be with my sister in cheltenham, Lost everything had to sell my car for a deposit, lost my job and all my clients, and barely took everything in the house.

 

As he believed everything i got him was a gift so he kept it, and everything he got me as a gift yep he kept that too.

So i was starting from scratch, in a place where I no one. And 300 miles away from nick.

in february, I had his friend message me saying oh you know nicks mad about Lisa, they had been seeing each other for a while and on valentines day it confirmed they where together, She is 30 and has a four year old son.

 

I had cried everyday since we have spilt up, I accept that fact we are over and he is with another girl its heartbreaking.

 

he throughout this is fine, he has gained a family. He still has his car his house and he loves her so I have been told.

 

I feel like I have the rotten stick, I miss him like crazy, Im trying the whole NC thing at the mo, Only been two days.

 

Im angry at him. Im angry that he was too coward to tell me about this other girl. Im so upset because what we had was so good and im scared ill never find anyone like him. I dont want anyone apart from him.

 

So next thing you know, I ACCIDENTLY PACKED 2 off his t-shirts in my stuff, and i had an email from his mum. Accusing me of refusing to them back and she will contact the police. and she cant believe I have stooped this low. And that she will do anything to protect her son!

 

I was angry, what has been telling every one, That im horrible? Thatthis is all my fault?

 

 

i mean, It is so silly once I re-read this over. But before this happened he was the kindest bloke and I've lost everything, the love of my life my best friend

 

Im scared that down the road, he will propose to her and have children with her. When that Is all I ever wanted with him was a family.

 

its strange this Lisa was engaged until last september engaged for well over a year. I feel like its to sudden.

 

its been three months and its so raw for me. I miss him, miss my house my life with him. my self confidence is non existent at the moment I feel ugly and I feel replaced like she was the better choice!!

 

 

Just sounds cheesy, but this feels like a dream or nightmare!!

 

 

Sorry for the rant, need some help,

 

Its not that I want him back, Its like i hate him, but i love him.

[Kengne]

I'm glad that you realize he has moved on with another girl but I'm sorry that this happened because it hurts you.

 

I am also glad that he left you (as opposed to you leaving him) because CLEARLY - this man is a liar, online cheater and who knows what else? He's been chatting it up with females behind your back, MULTIPLE TIMES, he was coming home late/drunk at night, MULTIPLE times, he was dogging you out to other people --- Lillygoose --- I don't care how "good" you think the relationship was/felt - this is not what most would describe as a "good" or "great" man.

 

WHY would you even be sweating "losing" this guy? He's a bum dude! The shyt he did to you, I guarantee he will do to this "new chick" Lisa. A ring doesn't mean shyt if your man is still playing the field behind your back. He wasn't even slick, look how many times you caught him doing funky shyt and still continued on with him.

 

I mean enough is enough, Lilly at some point you have to have STANDARDS of what is acceptable (cheating is NOT) and DON'T LOWER IT FOR NOBODY.

 

This man did you a favor by walking out of your life (as I don't think you would have walked out of his) - TAKE THE BLESSING (in disguise) FOR WHAT IT IS - A BLESSING. If you had a baby with him you'd be trapped 18 yrs to life. A death sentence IMO.

 

YOU NEED TO WORK ON GETTING YOUR CONFIDENCE BACK UP and examining why you would choose to stay with someone who repeatedly showed you they did not respect you or your relationship. You accepted his crumbs until he had no more. WHY?

 

DO the work to find out why you made this poor choice.

 

And hopefullly, never make this poor choice again.

 

You deserve SO MUCH better than him. YOU are the prize. NEVER FORGET.

 

K.

[Lillygoose]

Thankyou for your reply.

 

I know, he has been horrible!

 

But still doesn't change the fact I love him, I know that the man I fell for is completely gone.

 

how do i try move on, I dont think any other guy remotely attractive...

 

I just want to feel better, feel happier and be over him!!

[Kengne]

No one is trying to change the fact that you love him. It's great that you do, but it's really irrelevant to your healing. You can be "moved on" and still "love" him - from a distance.

 

So what you do is continue w/ strict NC and focus on yourself, spending time with your friends, job/work, life etc... Make your own life full/complete - and yes, you can have a life that is full/complete even if he is not present.

 

You came into this world alone, you will die alone. Never forget. Never put your 100% of your happiness 100% in someone else's hands.

 

K.

[Amelie1980]

FGS you're 20. You'll meet someone else. uni is full of guys, get out there.

 

I'm nearly 35 and got dumped. it's way harder for me.

 

You are well rid of a twit like that who has his mummy asking for his t shirts back.

 

Go forth and enjoy.....I wish I could go back to uni. it is so so easy to meet people there.

[Lillygoose]

FGS you're 20. You'll meet someone else. uni is full of guys, get out there.

 

I'm nearly 35 and got dumped. it's way harder for me.

 

You are well rid of a twit like that who has his mummy asking for his t shirts back.

 

Go forth and enjoy.....I wish I could go back to uni. it is so so easy to meet people there.

 

I'm not in uni, now I'm looking for a job.

It doesn't help the fact I know no one here, and my best friends in Australia.

And thank you for pointing out my age. I would personally consider myself to act more mature than normal girls my age. I don't see the point in going out and getting trashed!

This is why I'll find it hard!

 

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, and I have had sisters who have been there! And it isn't pretty!

 

I may be young, but I don't see being in your 30's old!

You have as much chance as me, finding the right person!

 

 

x

[Amelie1980]

What?

 

I've been 20......you've never been in your 30's. It's not as easy for me to get a.guy as a 20 year old.