mcdo Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Right I'm at the stage where I'm trying hard to move on and I believe I have been taking most of the correct steps towards doing that. And I'm well aware that my ex has somebody new. It wasn't too hard to figure out really and when I asked her she was open and honest and said she was. So that helped me drop the idea of getting back together. But maaan it doesn't make it any easier. It's a good thing he lives in another city. And I know she travels up there to see him at the weekends. As long as I can't see, it won't hurt that bad. But just 10 minutes ago I drove past her as she was walking to the bus station with a suitcase. No doubt she was on her way to spending her weekend with Mr. New Guy. And god damn it, it hurts. Even though I know in my heart of hearts that we 100% are never getting back together it was still agonising to see her on her way to meet him. I can't even drive home from work and start an awesome weekend with my friends without getting a big huge reminder of what I lost and how somebody else is enjoying it now. This town is too small I was having a damn good day today where she didn't enter my mind half as much as usual. And it has been blown to pieces. Just my luck.
candie13 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Here is a small advice for you: - no matter how small that city is, unless she lives in front of the school / office where you go to everyday, DO NOT pass in front of her house. NEVER. On a subconscious level, you are stalking her. Let it be. - understand why you are keeping this torch for her. She loves somebody new, you have no place in her life. LET IT GO. So why are you doing this to yourself? To me, someone new / somebody else is the absolute deal breaker. I remember seeing this guy I was really crazy about with his new date, in front of me, in a club. The guy was doing everything he could to show her off in front of me, kissing her & stuff. Really classy. I felt like puking. But... it also healed me forever, for then and there, I understood that I was living in the past, while this bloke was moving on, fast! I wanna live my life, I want to enjoy it, I want to be happy. Why waste your life for someone or thinking about someone who will never bring you happiness? She's a gonner, man. Leave it. 1
Author mcdo Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Here is a small advice for you: - no matter how small that city is, unless she lives in front of the school / office where you go to everyday, DO NOT pass in front of her house. NEVER. On a subconscious level, you are stalking her. Let it be. - understand why you are keeping this torch for her. She loves somebody new, you have no place in her life. LET IT GO. So why are you doing this to yourself? To me, someone new / somebody else is the absolute deal breaker. I remember seeing this guy I was really crazy about with his new date, in front of me, in a club. The guy was doing everything he could to show her off in front of me, kissing her & stuff. Really classy. I felt like puking. But... it also healed me forever, for then and there, I understood that I was living in the past, while this bloke was moving on, fast! I wanna live my life, I want to enjoy it, I want to be happy. Why waste your life for someone or thinking about someone who will never bring you happiness? She's a gonner, man. Leave it. Don't worry I'm trying to let it go! I've been telling myself repeatedly that the current version of her IS NOT the girl I dated. As far as I'm concerned the girl I was with is dead. She ain't with us anymore. That girl I drove past on the street is some stranger. And I don't know her. But jeez no matter how much I tell myself that it's not sinking in. And the whole passing by her place thing... she was actually walking up the street I live on. I was literally 30 secs from my house. Just driving home from work trying to mind my own business. Then BAM! I was supposed to get out of work 20 mins earlier too - had I gotten out on time I never would have seen her! Just plain rotten luck. The fact she has someone new should really be making it easier for me to just let it go. I mean, it's not like I've been a hermit up in the mountains either. I've been out socialising with the opposite sex too and keeping my mind open to potential love interests.
candie13 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I've done the thing you're doing. Don't idealize the past. She - the one in you past and the one today - are the same person. I believe that if you put her or your past on a podium, it is really hard to live up those expectations - that level of expectation. Realize and accept that the person who was so wonderful in the past to you, is no longer acting the same way towards you. sorry,mcdo 2
Author mcdo Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 I dunno, I think I'd find it harder to deal with. Realistically I know she's the same person. But I would have thought that frame of mind - dividing her up into before & after - would allow me move away and let it go. If I imagine she's still the same as she always was... I'd be wondering why she's not here with me right now! I believe I too am a different person. A break-up is a massive learning experience and I think the last 2-3 months have changed me, although mostly in very positive ways. I believe it has changed her too - in positive ways or negative ways is irrelevant. Probably positive ways for her own self too. Therefore she's a different person now. Just need to drill that point home. 1
Author mcdo Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Just a quick update. I didn't let it ruin my evening. And it won't ruin the rest of my weekend either. I had loads of fun last night and I will continue to have fun for the rest of the weekend. I've kinda made a pact with myself to let that be the very last full stop at the end of a good book. I really enjoyed the book but it's done, there's nothing more to be gained from re-reading it again and again. It's time to attack the library and pick out an even better book.
Damian12 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Its normal my friend. To feel this way. You know at least she respected ou and was honest to tell you. If she is seeing someone new. Thats cool. Good for her. Feel better about yourself. That you're a strong man. Confident. And has a life like no other. Girls will come to you when you lease expect it. Take another route and don't drive that way.
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