fall guy Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I don’t even know where to start. In our 15 year marriage, my wife has been arrested 3 times for shoplifting (all 3 times she had our kids) and was recently fired from her nursing job for stealing meds. She absolutely denies all of this. They were all just “misunderstandings.” I’ve had her see therapists and she convinces each and every one that these are all just coincidental occurrences, but the truth is that she’s a wreck. She’s written 40 bad checks in the past two years alone, and she just got fired again from her nursing job yesterday…3rd time in as many jobs. Then last year I find out she has been sexting a man she met in a bar…1200+ times in three weeks. Again, she denies anything going on between them. According to her, it was just “conversation.” But after three months of marriage counseling and denying everything, I break into her iTunes backup and retrieve about 50 messages. Turns out she was aggressively trying to meet a married man so she could give him a blowjob! WTF? This is while she is unemployed, suspended from nursing and while I was at work supporting her and our family! Again, she takes responsibility for NOTHING. She says everything is a misunderstanding. All she does is blames, denies, justifies and lies about everything! Our counselor is so distraught by her that he ends our counseling altogether, he tells me “It’s not working.” I don’t get it. Is this BPD or something similar? I have often suspected this but she’s seen several counselors and has convinced each of them that there is nothing wrong with her. I’m at my wits end. What do I do?
M30USA Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I don’t even know where to start. In our 15 year marriage, my wife has been arrested 3 times for shoplifting (all 3 times she had our kids) and was recently fired from her nursing job for stealing meds. She absolutely denies all of this. They were all just “misunderstandings.” I’ve had her see therapists and she convinces each and every one that these are all just coincidental occurrences, but the truth is that she’s a wreck. She’s written 40 bad checks in the past two years alone, and she just got fired again from her nursing job yesterday…3rd time in as many jobs. Then last year I find out she has been sexting a man she met in a bar…1200+ times in three weeks. Again, she denies anything going on between them. According to her, it was just “conversation.” But after three months of marriage counseling and denying everything, I break into her iTunes backup and retrieve about 50 messages. Turns out she was aggressively trying to meet a married man so she could give him a blowjob! WTF? This is while she is unemployed, suspended from nursing and while I was at work supporting her and our family! Again, she takes responsibility for NOTHING. She says everything is a misunderstanding. All she does is blames, denies, justifies and lies about everything! Our counselor is so distraught by her that he ends our counseling altogether, he tells me “It’s not working.” I don’t get it. Is this BPD or something similar? I have often suspected this but she’s seen several counselors and has convinced each of them that there is nothing wrong with her. I’m at my wits end. What do I do? Abusive people and those with BPD (or similar disorders) neve...ever...ever...ever stop to think that they might be at fault for anything. Trust me. The thought doesn't even enter their mind. My wife went ballistic on me, taking 4 or 5 full strength swings at my body with a long wooden board, leaving multiple bruises. She was arrested. (Keep in mind the MAN gets arrested 80% of the time, even if he was the one who was assaulted.) Yet on top of it all, she has not apologized to this day. She blamed me for causing her to do it. She said, "You wanted me to go to jail." These people are beyond fixing. Yes, they have their family which will always side with them (whose mother does NOT love them?), but they cannot function in normal relationships.
zackburnet Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Shoplifting and sexting with someone she met in bar , she had gone too far !! Enough , my opinon , leave her !!
aMguilts Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 why did you marry her??? what do you do? nothing!! aM
M30USA Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 why did you marry her??? what do you do? nothing!! aM That's exactly right. When you marry a person like this, there is no good solution. Stay and it sucks. Leave and it sucks. However, people can mask who they are. You never truly know who somebody is until you live with them daily. I thought I was so wise before I got married. Thought I had it all figured it out. I was very cautious. Honestly, I was. But hindsight is always 20/20.
aMguilts Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 hindsight is nothing unless you do SOMETHING we would all be better off if we had hidesight or a magic ball that shows the future its how you deal with the present that matters aM
aMguilts Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 That's exactly right. When you marry a person like this, there is no good solution. Stay and it sucks. Leave and it sucks. However, people can mask who they are. You never truly know who somebody is until you live with them daily. I thought I was so wise before I got married. Thought I had it all figured it out. I was very cautious. Honestly, I was. But hindsight is always 20/20. they are called `flags` they are there all the time they WAVE ALL the time we ALL see them we ALL ignore them But they are there, waving at us ALL the time It`s up to us to ignore them or take notice of them? and/or not to complain when we chose to `ignore` them? aM
scatterd Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Wow this woman sounds like someone I know. She is constantly doing bad things ,denys everyone of them but continues to get away with it. Her husband wont divorce her because they have kids and hes in love. I dont think anything will change she will continue to manipulate and he will always be hurt. Also BPD has become an excuse. Good Luck 1
M30USA Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Wow this woman sounds like someone I know. She is constantly doing bad things ,denys everyone of them but continues to get away with it. Her husband wont divorce her because they have kids and hes in love. I dont think anything will change she will continue to manipulate and he will always be hurt. Also BPD has become an excuse. Good Luck Yea, but her mother and father probably love her and tell her she's a wonderful person just the way she is. How swell. Thus she will have zero reason to ever change. Why would you in such a case?
Gunny376 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Time to exit stage left! I wouldn't be going! I'd be gone! Time for some "Tough Love" ~ time for an intervention ~ from someone ~ from somewhere? Its like the old boys down here in Alabama that use to go hunting for raccoons? The dogs would chase them through the swamp and tree the raccoon. The dogs would be at the base of the tree, and they would find him? One of them would climb up the tree, and knock the racoon out of the tree down on the ground amongst' all them dogs a barking and baying! Just to give him a 'sportin' chance! One night they treed one, and old boy climb up there to knock the old racoon out of this old Bay tree, (think BIG tree with BIG branches!) Excpet it wasn't no raccoon! It was a lynx! :eek: :eek: One of them "suped-up ~ high octane ~ nitro bobcats from what comes from up-north? Fella up in the tree told him! "Shoot up here and KILL this thing!" :eek: Fellas on the ground told him, "We can't do that! We might hit you!" He told them! "Shoot up here anyway! One of us gotta' have some relief!" Whooooooooooooo~ That's what you've done and got yourself! One of them suped' up wild cats! And Brother! You've got to find yourself some kind of relief!
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