hierbas Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Hello everyone, I am getting a lot of mixed signals from my boyfriend of 6 months now. I have started falling for him and told him I loved him a few weeks ago, then again a few days ago. Both times he got kind of upset, withdrawn and said "I really really like you and I really care about you", but he doesn't feel this urge to tell me he loves me. But... He texts me first, every morning, every day. He wants to see me all the time (we live down the street from each other). I'm the first girl to meet his family. He wants me to go to his family's home again over spring break. He tells everyone I'm his girlfriend. Planned a HUGE valentine's day, so many gifts and special events, has a bucket list of things we should do together, comes to do things I like that he does not really (Yoga, dance classes), etc. Yet, when I've told him my feelings twice, and told him I thought he felt the same way, he recoiled. Many of his close family members have recently passed and he says he feels a lot of anxiety about the future, not having a job secured for next year, moving to a different city. I asked if he wanted to be with me long-term and he said he WANTS to, but does not know about the logistics, ever since his family deaths have made him feel like nothing is for sure. I know nothing is for sure! I asked him if he feels like he will fall in love with me and he says his feelings grow stronger, but he's not sure. He told me he was in love, for sure, with his on-off, immature high school girlfriend. He also said he does not think she's a very good person and she's deceitful, he opened up to her and found out she was all BS but he STILL, until a few months before we met, signed off to her with "love you", although they ended it a couple of years ago. Since we have been together, it's his first serious more mature relationship, it started really well. Then I had trust issues, freaked out. Then he did - and he kept saying: "Maybe we shouldn't do this" but never actually ended up ending it. I used to cry and near beg him to reconsider, and I think that made him not desire me very much, but yet and still, he kept seeing me all the time, texting me often, calling me "baby", is doing more PDA than he first felt comfortable with... and so forth. He says actions mean more than words. I asked him if he may just feel like he can't admit to his feelings because he said he has a hard time expressing his feelings. But he said in this case, he doesn't think so, that he thinks he should just "know" if he were in love. We've been together 6 months now and I have moments of real anxiety feeling a lack of security. When I pulled away from him, he couldn't sleep all night, called me to come over all day until I was home late, told me I misinterpreted his actions and that he really does want to be with me, that he needs to have faith in how he feels. "You know how I feel about you", he has said many times in these discussions. I just don't know anymore. It hurts he says he felt love before, but then was never really with this girl in a mature way. Does he just need the chase? If you don't feel love after half a year, is that not a warning sign? I just don't know what to do, he looks at me adoringly, can't let go of me - but he "doesn't feel the urge to tell me he loves me"... When I asked him how he'd feel if we broke up now, he was startled and said he'd be miserable. Said even if we did he needed me in his life. Sad and confused, what we have is so special but I want to stop this anxiety, without making the wrong decision if this does have potential.
sabre80 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Actions always speak louder than words. His actions are saying he cares more for you than what his words say. Never express your emotions in words expecting reciprocation. I am real cautious to whom I say I love you to. I treat it reverently. I do not take it back. Let him say it when he is ready and knows he means it. Do not pressure him on this or it will sour. It will mean more when he does. Relax it has only been 6 months. If at a year he has not said so then there might be cause for concern. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I recently broke up with my ex, who I dated for 6 months and loved, and it was because even though he was doing most of the right things as my boyfriend, he didn't tell me he loved me and that part was missing. He also told me he was not an expressive or romantic guy, and had never expressed so many feelings to anybody. I tried to be OK without it, but I wasn't. My feeling is that if he's not in love with you and able to express it in 6 months, it's most likely not gonna happen. My ex was clearly very attached to me because of our compatibility, the bond, and all the good times we had. We were having serious talks about the future, marriage, kids. Many nights, we had elaborate, symbolic dreams about each other mixing into each other's lives and families. He was very upset by the idea of splitting up - even cried like a baby when I broke it off. But mere attachment wasn't enough for me. You could learn to have that with any warm body. The way I feel about it is that if he's not in love with me and fired up about me, there's no point. It made me feel sad, unappreciated, uninspired.
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