Author NotCamelot Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 NC says the BS was apparently having her own affair, so I guess that gives his wife a free pass on feeling any type of remorse for her shi*t behavior. I still wonder what lover boy was SO intent on telling these two but they thwarted his efforts every single time he tried to speak to them. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, I guess. Yes, that is the reason....his W was indeed having her own A and he used that as the "sympathy card" as part of luring my W. So my W feels nothing toward her.........nothing, good nor bad....just another person. My W feels remorse for what she did to me......but she feels nothing for his W because she was engaged in an A for 8 months at the time the A started. He was upset that I told his church and all his friends about him. I "busted his bubble" ...... no longer is he able to preach to others about how they should live - teaching Sunday school, maintaining his "holier than thou" status....... I brought him down from his self-placed pedastal. He wanted to assure me that he'd never contact my W nor me ever again......and ask that I leave him alone. I know this because he said the same thing in email to me previously.....before I told his church and friends. Still, he had plenty of prior opportunities to talk to me if that is really what he wanted. He chose not to do so. What he did do was threaten bodily harm to me and my W.....many times. So, with that in mind, I still don't think talking was all he wanted.
Author NotCamelot Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 A remorseful WW can not say to her BH please to not go after the OM, or why did you get revenge and expose the OM. Even if your WW is now at the point of only feeling disgust for the OM she has to feel some remorse for her OM because she knows that 50% of the blame for the affair has to be born by her. Yet WW knows that you can place her blame on the OM for him to carry his and her blame together because a BH can not recover if he can not let go of the hate and anger for his WW. She has never asked that I do not get revenge or anything like that. She has said that she is 100% to blame and taken full responsibility and apologized many times. I never did hold any hate toward W......anger - yes. But that is gone now and we are really in a good place. No, I'm not over it .....not by a long shot. But I will be....someday. And it's getting better all the time.
road Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Yes, that is the reason....his W was indeed having her own A and he used that as the "sympathy card" as part of luring my W. So my W feels nothing toward her.........nothing, good nor bad....just another person. My W feels remorse for what she did to me......but she feels nothing for his W because she was engaged in an A for 8 months at the time the A started. He was upset that I told his church and all his friends about him. I "busted his bubble" ...... no longer is he able to preach to others about how they should live - teaching Sunday school, maintaining his "holier than thou" status....... I brought him down from his self-placed pedastal. He wanted to assure me that he'd never contact my W nor me ever again......and ask that I leave him alone. I know this because he said the same thing in email to me previously.....before I told his church and friends. Still, he had plenty of prior opportunities to talk to me if that is really what he wanted. He chose not to do so. What he did do was threaten bodily harm to me and my W.....many times. So, with that in mind, I still don't think talking was all he wanted. How does your WW know that the BW was cheating on her WH/your WW's OM? If that info came from OM telling your WW then that info came from a lying cheater. We know that an OM will say anything to get into a WW's pants. 1
Author NotCamelot Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 How does your WW know that the BW was cheating on her WH/your WW's OM? If that info came from OM telling your WW then that info came from a lying cheater. We know that an OM will say anything to get into a WW's pants. He did indeed tell my W all about it. BUIT.....his W told me that she was having an A. When I called her that day to tell her of my discovery, she said, "I have been having an affair for 8 months. He found out a few months ago. So I'm not too surprised." So, for a change, no one lied about that. I told my W on D-day about his W having an A. She said, "I already know all about that."
BetrayedH Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 No response on keeping your revenge from your wife? You had an affair; your wife had an affair. And now you're still keeping secrets from one another? Doesn't seem wise, NC. This crap put walls up between you. Since you can deceive her about pretty significant stuff, what is acceptable for her to lie to you about? 1
Author NotCamelot Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 No response on keeping your revenge from your wife? She knows now. In fact, she said, "I thought it was you all along. I know you too well. I'm just glad that's all you did. But, if you had done nothing at all, it would have worried me.....like you didn't care." Then I told her about riding my Harley to his house on the morning of July 4th (she was at work) with a .357 in my jacket...sitting in his driveway. Her only response to that was, "That was stupid. If you love me you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life in jail away from me." And I replied, "That, and the fact that thier kids were home, is the only reason I left and came back home." She hugged me and said, "He's not an issue in our life anymore or ever again."
BetrayedH Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 My only weapon was a Bic lighter. I spent 15 hours in jail and that was plenty enough for me. Glad you didn't go any further. I'm also glad that your revenge is out in the open now. One thing I have learned is that once you even feel uncomfortable discussing an issue, that means you MUST discuss it. I think a lot of affairs are about unresolved resentment and that comes from conflict avoidance. 1
Author NotCamelot Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 My only weapon was a Bic lighter. I spent 15 hours in jail and that was plenty enough for me. Glad you didn't go any further. I'm also glad that your revenge is out in the open now. One thing I have learned is that once you even feel uncomfortable discussing an issue, that means you MUST discuss it. I think a lot of affairs are about unresolved resentment and that comes from conflict avoidance. Ok, the curiosity is killing me........Bic lighter???????? What did you do?
BetrayedH Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Ok, the curiosity is killing me........Bic lighter???????? What did you do? 8 months into "reconciling" I found a blog post about her first encounter with the OM, which was on my couch with the kids asleep in the other room. Instead of coming straight home, I went out and had about 10 double rum and cokes. When I got home, I dragged all three pieces of our sectional sofa about 100 yards into our rear property and lit it up. I was lucky I didn't catch on fire. Then I went in, took a shower, got dressed, threw my wife out the front door when she refused to leave, and turned myself into the authorities in front of all my neighbors who were all admiring the 50ft blaze. Her hand and knee were scraped so off to jail I went. The day before, everyone here would say that I sounded exactly like you. Makes me nervous for you, bro.
Author NotCamelot Posted March 8, 2013 Author Posted March 8, 2013 The day before, everyone here would say that I sounded exactly like you. Makes me nervous for you, bro. Was her A over when you found that blog? As for me, things are still going well. Next week will be 10 months since D-Day. There has been no contact other than the azzhole stalking us. We had a long talk last night about future plans......what we want to do in 9 yrs when I retire.....things like that. Then, out of the blue, and off subject, she said, "I'm sorry I hurt you and made you miserable." And she started to cry. She followed with, "I love you. There'll never be anyone but you. I love you." So, who kows what the future holds for any of us. But, we are doing very well.......and we're both happy. I still have bad days, but they are getting farther apart. Still ever vigilant.....probably for a long time.
BetrayedH Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Was her A over when you found that blog? Supposedly. The problem was that I had been hearing all the same things as you have been hearing, plenty of apologies, did weekly MC together, she read probably 10 books, cried together, and so forth. All the same stuff. She was still a liar. The number of times she told me I knew everything, that she would never lie to me again, was very convincing. To find out it wasn't true was worse than Dday for me. I had defended her immensely. I certainly hope your situation is different. But protect your heart my friend. Because if you find she has been lying again, the emotions are absolutely overwhelming. Imagine if you have been defending her all these months only to find you are still being played a fool. Be prepared to NOT let yourself react the way your emotions will want. In fact, run. I should have stayed away for a week and the. Come back to reclaim my home. Instead, I lost my mind and everything I ever owned.
Darth Vader Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 She knows now. In fact, she said, "I thought it was you all along. I know you too well. I'm just glad that's all you did. But, if you had done nothing at all, it would have worried me.....like you didn't care." Then I told her about riding my Harley to his house on the morning of July 4th (she was at work) with a .357 in my jacket...sitting in his driveway. Her only response to that was, "That was stupid. If you love me you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life in jail away from me." And I replied, "That, and the fact that thier kids were home, is the only reason I left and came back home." She hugged me and said, "He's not an issue in our life anymore or ever again." WRONG! He will ALWAYS be an issue in your life! You need to tell her that! It's not her having the "mind movies", it's you! Plus this will always be between you! I sense rugsweeping here, I hope I'm wrong, but..............
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