NotCamelot Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 My wife and I go to lunch together everyday. We decided to go somewhere other than our usual places yesterday. It happened to be on the other side of town where her xAP lives. We got to the restaurant and were seated. As we were seated, we saw a woman that used to work with me already having lunch with a party of 8 or 9 people. We spoke, aksing how she was liking retirement and then sat, ordered and ate. Then that table finished and the group was leaving. The lady stopped at our table and was talking to us. At this point she was one of only three whose faces I could see. As the rest of them got up to leave, the last one was a much younger woman and a very small child. When that one turned our direction, it was the wife of my Ws xAP! She had their 4 year old daughter with her. She looked directly at me, paused and smiled and then she and her daughter walked out. After our friend left, I told my W what had just happened. She said, "Why didn't you tell me she was over there?" I told her that I did not know until they were leaving. She said, "Well, it doesn't matter. I figure we will run into them at some point. I doesn't bother me." I did not say anything else until we got in the car. At that point I told her, "I have no problems with ********. She was very nice to me on the two phone calls I had with her. The only problem is seeing her brings bad very hurtful memories that I am really trying not to have." I was driving. She reached for my hand an pulled it to her and kissed it and said, "I love you very much." It made me sad for a few hours. But things are going so well that it did not hurt like I thought it would.......the trigger that is. Too bad we can't just move away.....
SmokeRat Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Brother I feel your pain. Due to certain employment obligations my wife has, even though she works at a different school than the OM, she still needs to go back to his school to help coach the cheerleading time. I go with her everytime she goes, as the OM helps coach the Volleyball team that the cheerleaders cheer for. I keep an eye on him, mostly by just staring at him for the two hours they practise. It is satisfying, staring at him like a fat kid stares at a smartie. My wife told me it makes me look like a psychopath. And that's exactly what I want him to think. That I could go off and show up at his house with a loaded gun. But at least your wife is showing her support for you by holding and kissing your hand. That has to count for something, and to you, I'm sure it does. 1
Author NotCamelot Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Yes, it does. She has been doing all kinds of things like that. She really has put the work into the R. Even small things like that make a big difference.
will1988 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 What about baging the OM's wife? At least that way you can pay your wife back and the other man all at once! 1
Spark1111 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Not to rain on either of your parades, but I find it a little chilling how unaffected the fWS seem to be when they do see the xAP, or the xAP's spouse, xspouse, kids.... As if it is all water under the bridge and they are so done with it.....which is a good thing to see, but then, it sometimes smack of an ability to compartmentalize.....a little too much, KWIM? 2
Author NotCamelot Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 What about baging the OM's wife? At least that way you can pay your wife back and the other man all at once! You know, that thought crossed my mind the morning of d-day....pure revenge. BUT, that thought LEFT my mind within a few minutes. I could not do that to my wife. I love her completely. And, I had seen pics of his wife back on d-day. And, believe me, my wife was a huge upgrade over his.... Plus his wife was having an affair at that time too.....SHE told me herself.
SmokeRat Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 The thought of sleeping with the OM's wife, has crossed my mind, as she is a pristine creature of beauty. But I'd rather burn to death, than sink as low as the people who have affairs. Compartmentalization scares me sometimes, especially when it comes to affairs. 3
Author NotCamelot Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Not to rain on either of your parades, but I find it a little chilling how unaffected the fWS seem to be when they do see the xAP, or the xAP's spouse, xspouse, kids.... As if it is all water under the bridge and they are so done with it.....which is a good thing to see, but then, it sometimes smack of an ability to compartmentalize.....a little too much, KWIM? Spark, I don't know what my W would have done had she seen. (Especially since that woman said about my W, "I want to slit her throat.") I know how my W reacted in court last week when he had to face the both of us. It was very apparent how vicious her tone was concerning him when speaking to the judge. And, yes, in her words, it is history - over, done, the past. The WS has it a lot easier than the BS. We've talked about that before. 1
Spark1111 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I think it's: A) boy am I happy it's over , done, no feelings coupled with B) shouldn't they still feel guilty for the pain they caused me (good!) and other's? So they are done and through it, and we are still reeling, from either a dream, chance encounter, FB glance.
SmokeRat Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I believe that WS's get over the affair easier because they managed to be cake eaters. They still have their lives intact, still have their houses and whatnot, at the cost of the BS's sanity. I also believe a lot of them have guilt, but what does it matter, I still have my husband/wife and they've taken me back, so I might as well stop feeling guilty. 3
Author NotCamelot Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 I guess the real test will be the day that xAP happens to be in the same place. It only happend once in the last 23 years. But now, I'm sure it's bound to happen just any day. (Of course, with the TPOs in place, it better be a chance/accidental thing.) Then I will be more worried how I will react than how she does.
SmokeRat Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 That is my wife's worry as well. If OM and I met, outside of work, what would I do. I know what I would like to do, but the question is would I?
Author NotCamelot Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 You know, in a situation like that, you have to be careful. I will not spend time in jail because of what she did. However, in my case I found a way to really hurt him. Did it. Legal. And it made me feel really good.
SmokeRat Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I think we're all curious to hear about what you did. I've gotten back at the other man already, but I'm always up for taking more shots. So please do tell.
Author NotCamelot Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Well, I won't go into a lot of detail as I did that in other posts. But he is/was pretty high up in his church......extremely holier than thou. Taught Sunday school, carried keys to church, etc. Was always trying to "be the example" and telling others how to live. Now, they all know what he did. I did not expose my Ws name, nor that his W was having an affair.......just him, and other things he tried so hard to keep hidden. He is devastated, humiliated, etc., and stripped of his position in the church. I guess he never should have said in msg to my W, "I just don't want to bring shame on my family." Sometimes you don't get what you want........he didn't, but I did!
SmokeRat Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I've been contemplating taking my info the church the OM goes to. Everyone else knows, but that's his one safe haven. He's also a member of this super elitist catholic Italian brotherhood thing. Where they put church above all else, and have a very strict code of conduct. Figured I might also forward over all the affair information to them, and get him booted. But again, my wife would get upset with me if I were to do any of those things.
Author NotCamelot Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 It was the same with this guy, safe haven.....where he was thought to be angelic in stature, could do no wrong. And he LOVED it. I tell you, when I popped that balloon, he crashed and I got a lot out of it. But, I am slightly ashamed to say, my W does not know that it was me that did it to him. Although, in court last week, he had the stupidity to tell the judge that I had told his church and all his friends about him. My W sat there and never said a word. She still has not said anything about it. So I think she probably knows.
SmokeRat Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Consequences. Do not be ashamed. If you wife thought she could get away with all of this, and he as well, without some fallout, they were wrong. Why so any OM/OW be allowed to walk away from such a trainwreck without so much as a scratch. My wife knew that if I ever caught the OM in my house again, that I probably would use the firearm I keep in the house. Hence, they always went to his house afterwards. I truely believe I would have put a slug into his head.
Author NotCamelot Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 And, in your case, if you had done that with what you caught, at least in my state, it falls under "crime of passion" and you would have walked without a single mark on your name. If I had physically attacked the SOB, he would have gotten over the pain in a few days and continued his ways. With what I did, it is a very lasting hurt that stripped him of something that he valued very highly.....just as he tried to do to me. He has to live with that pain every day. And, believe me, I hear that he hurts a lot. In case you have not seen my old thread, one of his relatives works for me..and goes to the same church. I smile when I think about how I took that away from him. He, like all APs, had such extreme disregard for my feelings, I felt I owed him the same respect.
BetrayedH Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 But, I am slightly ashamed to say, my W does not know that it was me that did it to him. I have to ask, NC. What do you plan to do about this? This is rebuilding from a place of dishonesty; doesn't seem like a good foundation, bro.
road Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 It was the same with this guy, safe haven.....where he was thought to be angelic in stature, could do no wrong. And he LOVED it. I tell you, when I popped that balloon, he crashed and I got a lot out of it. But, I am slightly ashamed to say, my W does not know that it was me that did it to him. Although, in court last week, he had the stupidity to tell the judge that I had told his church and all his friends about him. My W sat there and never said a word. She still has not said anything about it. So I think she probably knows. A remorseful WW can not say to her BH please to not go after the OM, or why did you get revenge and expose the OM. Even if your WW is now at the point of only feeling disgust for the OM she has to feel some remorse for her OM because she knows that 50% of the blame for the affair has to be born by her. Yet WW knows that you can place her blame on the OM for him to carry his and her blame together because a BH can not recover if he can not let go of the hate and anger for his WW.
road Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Well, how magnanimous of her. She was a willing accomplice to devastating this young woman and it's just SO big of her not to be bothered by having to see her in public. Unfriggen real. A very good point. 1
Snowflower Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Well, how magnanimous of her. She was a willing accomplice to devastating this young woman and it's just SO big of her not to be bothered by having to see her in public. Unfriggen real. I agree^^^ I was kind of sick to my stomach when I read that too. Not Camelot, why are you not more concerned about the blase attitude of your wife toward the other BS? She was just as hurt as you were. And the fact that your wife doesn't seem bothered by the BW's presence...well, unfortunately, I don't think your WW learned a darn thing. If your wife can easily "dismiss" the other BS, it makes me think that she can easily "dismiss" you too. Be wary. 1
Darth Vader Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 It was the same with this guy, safe haven.....where he was thought to be angelic in stature, could do no wrong. And he LOVED it. I tell you, when I popped that balloon, he crashed and I got a lot out of it. But, I am slightly ashamed to say, my W does not know that it was me that did it to him. Although, in court last week, he had the stupidity to tell the judge that I had told his church and all his friends about him. My W sat there and never said a word. She still has not said anything about it. So I think she probably knows. So, why not flat out tell your wife what you did to her OM? It would be interesting to say the least to see her reaction! It would also show her you can level the playing field at any time!
Darth Vader Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I agree^^^ I was kind of sick to my stomach when I read that too. Not Camelot, why are you not more concerned about the blase attitude of your wife toward the other BS? She was just as hurt as you were. And the fact that your wife doesn't seem bothered by the BW's presence...well, unfortunately, I don't think your WW learned a darn thing. If your wife can easily "dismiss" the other BS, it makes me think that she can easily "dismiss" you too. Be wary. Agreed!:eek::eek::eek::eek:
Recommended Posts