js1967 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 After a very recent breakup..which I was blindsided out of left field...I am struggling with the facebook contact. I am ok and understand the no contact. On break up she snet me one text... "I want and need to be alone" After a couple pleading texts back... I Got back my last contact.. "Its not about you" all that aside and to compound issues, I make my living off the web, viral marketing, I live on facebook. She knows it. She hardly posts but she is more of a stalker, lurker type so I know she will see my photos and messages. Is it better to cut her off at the knees before she does it to me? Because eventually those facebook contacts will be severed, or do I use facebook as a way to just say with photos..Im ok, Im happy, you have not effected me. Im not talking about putting up photos with other women or anything, I wouldnt do that anyway. Am I being vengeful? Im not that type of person but this whole break up thing has me upset and a bit mad actually. Im ready to bust a move here and thinking I should cut that facebook tie today? what do others think?
TaraMaiden Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Cut the facebook tie yesterday. This should have been done from the get-go. Block, delete, deny, un~friend, disappear. 1
geegirl Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 You delete her because you need your piece of mind. It's because you need to move on. It's because you need to heal. This is not a game of revenge. You do this because you are prioritizing your well-being and your emotional health. It doesn't matter what she thinks. She didn't think about you when she told you she wants to be alone. She had no qualms about doing what was right for her. Why can't you do what is right for you, instead of worrying about her perceptions? You'll get the same responses, even if you ask the question 20 different ways. 1
Author js1967 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 well, I was going to think about this, give it the weekend. Guess what... I just defriended her. I did one more thing, I deleted her number from my phone. I am NUMB right now. Geegirl.... YOU ROCK. this stings but I do owe you for helping me through that little speedbump.
Inviv_girl Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Everyone will advice you the same. Because most of us do the same. Get off Facebook and any other social media. No more contact. I feel your pain, you are not alone.
geegirl Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 well, I was going to think about this, give it the weekend. Guess what... I just defriended her. I did one more thing, I deleted her number from my phone. I am NUMB right now. Geegirl.... YOU ROCK. this stings but I do owe you for helping me through that little speedbump. You will be numb and you may also go into panic mode. But it's normal because cutting that lifeline is a difficult thing to do as it stamps the finality on the relationship. Hard pill to swallow. But trust that you just prioritized your well-being and that in itself is a step forward in your healing. If you stay connected on FB, you will be indefinitely stuck. Who wants to live like that. While this hurts, it's temporary. You're giving yourself a chance to make it to the other side. The coming days will be hard but stay focused on your work, keep telling yourself you made the right choice for YOU and come here and vent and cry if you need to. We are all so proud of you! Very seldom do you find posters cutting the cord, and they do so only when they've been pounded to the ground and have had enough. Good for you!
Author js1967 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Thank you! I feel like I just hurt her though. I am now deleting all photos of her from my phone. Should I delete her friends?
geegirl Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Thank you! I feel like I just hurt her though. I am now deleting all photos of her from my phone. Should I delete her friends? This is just me but I would save the pictures somewhere and store them away. You will never know how you feel six months from now. Besides you both didn't end badly and there may come a time when the bitterness has left and you remember some of the good that happened between you guys. That is just my take. I'm sure I'll get fired. You can block her friends or unsubscribe to their posts. But if it were me, I would delete. You never want to deal with triggers and if possible to avoid, then avoid at all costs. Especially when you are vulnerable. 2
Author js1967 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 when My marriage ended four years ago, I deleted every photo I could. I regret that now as I have a very healthy relationship with my Ex. But no photos. Im going to hold off on deleting these current pics. Gosh 3 days ago, on my last effort to text her, I actually forwarded a photo of us to her thinking somehow it might help. I know when she got a divorce, she tore up and destroyed every photo of her ex. Out of site out of mind...I almost wonder if I wasnt some sort of 3 year bandaid for her to get on with her life.
Author js1967 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Should I delete her daughter who I am very fond of? Her friends? Im on a roll here. Help me out please. Should I send them an explaination letter first.
H3Drvr Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I defriended on FB as a pre-emptive "strike"; didn't want to see any pics from her of any new potential loves. When my ex broke it off, I said "I will probably have to delete you from FB at some point". She said, "we'll as long as you don't become mean or anything, I will have no reason to unfriend you." First few weeks after BU (jan 2013), I would stalk her page although she would never really post much. In fact, the last two months of 2012, she logged on maybe a handful of times since her laptop broke; I bought her an ipad3 (being the great techie bf I am/was) since she was basically disconnected from the "world". Most likely, if she didn't have the ipad, she would probably not be on any social feeds, she's very low techie. I contemplated deletion from FB for about 2-3 weeks after BU , always getting to the point where I get the "are you sure" message but I always backed down. Then I was on her page one day and I noticed she untagged herself from the last pic I posted of her and I in Berlin. From that point, I de-friended her. Then I sobbed into my pillow like a little b&$@h! I know FB isn't the "world" but for me, it really felt like the last nail on the coffin. The deletion marked the reality that I probably will never see her again and that it meant truly accepting the breakup. The private pic folder I created for us is still up and since I haven't blocked her, she probably still has access to see the pics. That I don't mind so much...may even work to my advantage. Her friends are still friends with me and I don't mind that either. But I haven't stalked her friends pages and I haven't looked at the "us" pic folder. I did notice her best friend has been stalking my page more frequently. Liking a lot of my posts, pics and placing comments. Even her other friend (that liked me before) started messaging and skyping me again. How bad would it be if I hooked up with both her best friends?!?! Lol. But I won't....hahah
Author js1967 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 I just now finished deleting and blocking every friend of hers and her family. That was tough. I did send a short note to her 27 year old daughter telling her I what I was going to do, I was going to delete her, please dont take it personal, best of luck. I figure it this way, she has my phone number, I guess she can always call me or text me. This has been a tough morning
geegirl Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I just now finished deleting and blocking every friend of hers and her family. That was tough. I did send a short note to her 27 year old daughter telling her I what I was going to do, I was going to delete her, please dont take it personal, best of luck. I figure it this way, she has my phone number, I guess she can always call me or text me. This has been a tough morning I'm sure it's been hard. But this too shall pass. I promise it will get better. It won't always be this way.
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