Coping Vortex Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 All dumpers are liars. Do they tell us these nice things to string us along or do they just feel guilty? 1
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 sometimes they don't want to feel like c/unts. other times they want to keep you around for their own reasons. either way, it's in their interest, not yours. 1
Debbie2508 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I guess we'll never know. Our sensible heads should tell us that they meant all the nice things they said, in the beginning at least,and that it's not our fault tier feelings changed.... but our f..ked up heads like to tell us that it was all lies and a game for them. I think it's the former, but cos we're hurting so much we can't think clearly. Having said that, I think it's different at the end. They obviously know they're gonna be leaving and to still pretend everything's ok and even to say I love you, is just to put us off the scent that they're going, and reduce their guilt . Or is it.... maybe they were so torn about their decision, and still meant it?? Who knows!! Having bad day, as you can probably tell. Hope this even makes sense! 1
Amelie1980 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 That is true. I've been with three guys and they've all lied to me. the first one cheated and kept me on the back burner. The second one told me everything was fine between us until he ended it.. The third was the worst of all. There were the smallest stupid issues that if he had just asked me some questions it would have been fine. Had no clue he had any issues with me inrol he ended it. For god sake will the dumpers just be honest. If you have issues talk about them with your partner. maybe you can.fix it rather than string them along and hurt them.
Author Coping Vortex Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 I guess we'll never know. Our sensible heads should tell us that they meant all the nice things they said, in the beginning at least,and that it's not our fault tier feelings changed.... but our f..ked up heads like to tell us that it was all lies and a game for them. I think it's the former, but cos we're hurting so much we can't think clearly. Having said that, I think it's different at the end. They obviously know they're gonna be leaving and to still pretend everything's ok and even to say I love you, is just to put us off the scent that they're going, and reduce their guilt . Or is it.... maybe they were so torn about their decision, and still meant it?? Who knows!! Having bad day, as you can probably tell. Hope this even makes sense! Perfect sense. In my case my ex told me last week she as still in love with me. I said great lets back together. She said "maybe". Yea right. They are sleeping in the saw bed together almost every night. Exactly why is she telling me she still loves me then? What does that do if she is with him all the time? Is it pity? Stringing along?
Author Coping Vortex Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 That is true. I've been with three guys and they've all lied to me. the first one cheated and kept me on the back burner. The second one told me everything was fine between us until he ended it.. The third was the worst of all. There were the smallest stupid issues that if he had just asked me some questions it would have been fine. Had no clue he had any issues with me inrol he ended it. For god sake will the dumpers just be honest. If you have issues talk about them with your partner. maybe you can.fix it rather than string them along and hurt them. Also if they have an issue with the relationship don't BU, address the issue first. Unless they met someone else and that is the real reason, of course they lie about that too. My ex claimed she didn't meet her guy until two weeks later. Yea right I am convinced she was talking to him before she BU with me.
Author Coping Vortex Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Everycase is different but usually dumpers tend to have high expectations and low tolerance for accepting the reality. I am reading about narcisstic personalities and i am convinced my ex maybe one of those. She had a high expectation of what I should be doing to better myself all the while convinced that she is doing everything perfectly. She had stories about how her ex is still chasing her and that she rejected him so many times just for the heck of it. I never realized that I could end up in that situation because she absolutely 'loved' me and could do everything for me. She was obsessed with her looks and her clothes. Everything I bought was a little bit sad and whatever she bought for me was great. Grandiose behavior about loving me. She once twisted her ankle but walked 500 mts to a store and back to buy sth because she promised me she would...Big red flag! Stories about how she sacrificed her pleasures to be with me and how much she is compromising herself for this relationship. An example of this was how she paid for coffee or a meal sometimes because its usually the guys who pay for her. Total lack of empathy or compassion - Looking down on the housemaid or the waitress because according to her, they are just slaves... Over-riding need for admiration. And on and on... I am finally seeing the way things are, the colored glasses are off. I see what was going on in this relationship from the start. I was the fool to walk the line She definitely sounds narcissistic. Her I could get over quickly. I hate to think my ex is taking pleasure in torturing me lie your ex. I just know it isn't her style. At least I hope so. Every one I talk to says my ex is just stringing me along.
Amelie1980 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 She had this great story about how much she loves. She was into greek classics and she told me the story of Odyssey. How his wife Penelope loved and waited for him even though he was supposedly long dead in the Trojan war. She related herself to Penelope and told me how she would wait for me till eternity. Penelope is the classical figure of chastity, loyalty and feminity in greek mythology. She warded off her suitors by being cunning and resourceful. I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I like that and I did that. With my guy....wait fr his house to be ready so we can be together, wait for his family issues to resolve, wait for hisjob to be sorted, wait for his health to improve. all I did was wait like penelope and I loved him so I did wait....just to get a kick in the mouth.
mcdo Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Nah I don't consider my ex to be a liar. She didn't tell me everything but she didn't tell me anything false either. And anytime I asked her a direct question about the breakup/current situation I got an honest response.
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 (edited) There's a line in 'Coriolanus' where the fierce warrior's fierce warrior mother and friend are having a go at the gentle, meek wife. And they say something like: "They do say that all the yarn spun by Penelope in Ulysses' absence Did but fill Ithica with moths" There's something in that for all of us who hung around for a shallow toolbag* to become less of a shallow toolbag. * insert your words of choice here! Edited February 22, 2013 by Own Worst Enemy
Mack05 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 All dumpers are liars. Do they tell us these nice things to string us along or do they just feel guilty? I think your thought process is very black and white. Very few people go into a relationship knowing in advance it will fail. Most people want to meet that someone special. Someone they feel they can have a great life with. Finding that 'someone' for most of us usually takes a few goes. For a dumper it gets to a stage where he/she realises that they still haven't found what they are looking for. The dumpee shouldn't take that as a reflection upon themselves but sadly many do. As long as the dumper shows some class leaving the relationship a dumpee shouldn't hold any ill will. Even if they are cruel best forgive them so that you can remove all baggage associated with them. Providing the dumpee learns lessons and continually vows to self improve then there is absolutely no reason why they won't meet that someone special. Meeting that someone special will NEVER happen while all you focus is on a person who is in your past and will NEVER be part of your future.. 3
borgman1964 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I am reading about narcisstic personalities and i am convinced my ex maybe one of those. You should read this, I recognise my ex and also myself when I click on the 'victim' page too! Red Flag Narcissistic Behaviors R
calgary Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I was the dumper, I didn't want to be but I had to. she was really hurting me so I had to end it. really really didn't want to ! So we're not all bad!
Author Coping Vortex Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 I was the dumper, I didn't want to be but I had to. she was really hurting me so I had to end it. really really didn't want to ! So we're not all bad! But did you tell her you still loved her? Did you tell her that she was still special. If you did you lied to her. You let her on. How is letting her go better tan trying to make it work?
Treasa Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I dumped my most recent ex because he was narcissistic and a total *******. I dumped the one before him because I realized it wasn't working out and neither of us were happy. Just because you break up with someone doesn't mean that you're a liar. I tried very, very, VERY hard to make it work with both of them. 1
KatZee Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I don't think it's so black and white as to say, "All dumpers are liars." Here's the thing. LIARS are liars. Those with weak character, are liars. Those with no morals, no integrity, no empathy for others... are liars. Just so happens, most of us chose s.hitty f.ucking people to date, and fall into the above categories. My ex was a liar as well. Lied to my face up and down when he broke up with me. Needed to be single, saw us getting back together, still loved me so much, was his best friend, wanted me in his life b/c what we had was so amazing. I walked out of his house and he never tried to contact me again. A little over a month after we ended, he's bringing some chick around his family. I know for damn sure he met this girl before he broke up with me, and used her as a little fall back cushion for when he pulled the plug with me. My ex is and always will be completely full of s.hit. He has no clue how to tell the truth. He has no clue how to be a man and own up to what he does. But here's the thing. He didn't just turn into some liar when he broke up with me. HE WAS A LIAR FROM DAY ONE. I ignored the red flags. I excused his crappy and shady behavior. I over looked things, made excuses for him... AND THAT'S ALL ON ME. I chose to be with someone who showed complete lack of character from day one. So being lied to at the end really was NO surprise and it shouldn't be a surprise to anyone here if you over looked poor behavior. 2
calgary Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 In my book, dumpers get no love. Absolutely none. Lets say she was hurting you bad, wouldnt you ask her why and try to resolve the situation. IMO, if you are in love you would stick on till the end and hope it worked out. You bailed out, my friend. For you the relationship was like a business arrangement - its a profit/loss statement of emotions. it was more like she was flirting with guys infront of me, I asked her to stop.. it ranged from dancing with one guy all night who kept buying her drinks, to eventually her holding hands with a guy infront of me.. enough was enough i'd tried talking to her about it but I got called insecure and jealous.. she was supposed to come to my place.. but she bailed to go to the guy she was holding hands with place.. this to me was unacceptable however much I love a girl. profit/loss call it what you will. I was devastated and didn't want to end it.. but I didn't want to carry on getting upset and called insecure / jealous, when really i'm pretty sure nobody would like to tolerate that right ?
calgary Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 But did you tell her you still loved her? Did you tell her that she was still special. If you did you lied to her. You let her on. How is letting her go better tan trying to make it work? yea read my threads i'm absolutely devastated about the whole thing I didn't want it to come to an end.. but she was destroying me, I was getting less and less attention from her and she was acting really flirty with other guys. I told her to stop I asked her to talk to me about it, I told her I loved her. I still do, I still cry about it every day. I had to end it for my own good because I was getting hurt and she didn't care about my feelings.
stillafool Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 All dumpers are liars. Do they tell us these nice things to string us along or do they just feel guilty? That's not true. Sometimes people dump because they fell out of love or didn't see the relationship moving forward. Just because things don't work out with a couple doesn't mean that the one who breaks up is a liar. 1
na49 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I hate to throw it all on the dumpers. They aren't all bad people. My problem is that if you don't want a relationship to work and find someone you like better. Go be with them! Don't keep me hanging on a string, and when you eventually cut it off I feel like I was used and the end of our relationship was a waste of my time and money. 1
na49 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 To my ex's credit, she didnt keep me hanging. she did a hit and run - trust me thats the worst. Its like I never mattered to her and all the words she said didnt mean a thing. 8 hours before she broke up, we were texting each other from different rooms in her house (her family wouldnt let us sleep together) about love... Is that normal behaviour ? Not at all but I know how you feel. One day we're hooking up in her dorm room, telling each other how much we love each other. Trying not to get caught by her roommate, laughing and loving life. Then she's telling me she doesn't want to be with me anymore despite my begging and pleading. Makes you wonder, if she didn't love me, why was she telling me she did? If she didn't want to be with me, why was she telling me she did? It's such a two faced thing to do. I honestly see pictures of us and don't believe that girl is the same girl she is now and when I pine for her, I want the girl in the pictures back. Not the evil witch I see her as now. She's gone and I'm here.
OJ loved Nicole Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Dumpers=Liars No...... You=Not Listener. The only words that matter are "I don't want to be with you", that's the ONLY thing you should listen to/believe. People don't break up with the ultimate goal being "I want to be with this person forever".
Chloe1980 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 dumpers lie in part because they dont want to be the bad guys. I think they struggle too, it is not easy to reject someone. I dont think they are in an easier position. but, for them it's just only a moment, and then they have to fight with the guilt.
Amelie1980 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I think your thought process is very black and white. Very few people go into a relationship knowing in advance it will fail. Most people want to meet that someone special. Someone they feel they can have a great life with. Finding that 'someone' for most of us usually takes a few goes. For a dumper it gets to a stage where he/she realises that they still haven't found what they are looking for. The dumpee shouldn't take that as a reflection upon themselves but sadly many do. As long as the dumper shows some class leaving the relationship a dumpee shouldn't hold any ill will. Even if they are cruel best forgive them so that you can remove all baggage associated with them. Providing the dumpee learns lessons and continually vows to self improve then there is absolutely no reason why they won't meet that someone special. Meeting that someone special will NEVER happen while all you focus is on a person who is in your past and will NEVER be part of your future.. But lots of dumpers go into relationships not wanting it to.fail but knowing they don't want anything serious or don't want anything serious. That makes them liars. They should be upfront about it from the start that they're not looking for commitment and.they are wasting your time. 1
Amelie1980 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 My ex was talking about holidays to Australia in.the next year 10 days before he wants.to split up....... For.god.sake be honest and upfront about your intentions and.stop feeding your partner the bull schytt if you have no intention of staying with them. 1
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