lady_v Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 forgive me, as this is going to be a little lengthy and a bit scatter brained. I met a guy, let's call him C, in June of last year by mutual friends and acquaintances, we got along very well and I was instantly intrigued by him. we met a few more times before I gave him my number in August or September. we shared a few phone calls and met a few more times in the company of others before I went alone to his house in November. there was a thick sexual tension between us, as we had grown interested in each other and spent much time flirting together. we didn't have sex (more on that topic for another day, I suppose), but we did come close. we spent time together alone two or three more times before New Year's due to the holidays and opposing work schedules. je asked me to see him peform with his band for New Year's and I said yes. he kissed me at midnight and I felt absolutely amazing. since New Year's, we've made plans and have seen eachother most every weekend. but, aout a month ago, I went to my friends P and M's house because they live in the same neighborhood as C, and tried calling C to see if he was available to say hello to since I was in the neighborhood. he didn't answer but I stopped by anyway, my "pop in" as he called it. I couldn't read him well enough to see if he was annoyed by it or being silly (I found out later that he didn't mind it, he's just not used to them). I spent the night there and we went to a quasi-fancy restaurant for lunch the next day before parting ways. he did say that though he's a bit reclusive, he does like to be seen sometimes, which muddled my poor, already confused brain even more. in the midst of all of this, we've held hands, made out in bars, had awesome sort of sexings, watched porn together, watched the Grammy awards together, scheduled "dates" (if one could call them that, we go out and he gets angsty if I offer to pay or beat him to pay for our bill), had impromptu plans, said we liked the other, but this last weekend, he showed me pictures from his wallet of him/his ex-girlfriend from the Philippines when he went to see her there a few years ago (not sure how much thought I need to put in that.) I'm aware that we're likely friends with benefits, but we've never actually put a label on our relationship. and yet, I'm starting to feel like I really like this guy and want to take the next step and actually date him/be his girlfriend. except, whenever I have the courage to tell him that and plan to see him, I lose my thought process and can't tell him how strongly I feel for him once I am actually in his presence. I guess what I need is someone to give me a definition of what they think my relationship is and then a good shove into telling him that I really like him. --thanks everyone and I'm sorry if this is posted in the wrong forum/category.
Emissary Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I think your concerns are valid, and I would recommend you talk to him about it. I would advise you share some of your feelings for him, but keep yourself reserved so as to not make him uncomfortable. At this point, you have a right to know where you're at with him, and that's exactly how you should word it more or less. Next time you're alone together, wait until you've both settled in and are comfortable, then just say something simple like "can we talk?" It's amazing how much easier saying those words will make everything else. Say that and he knows you have something important to say, you don't need to work out some sort of pitch to express an idea. Don't be forceful, the most you should need to do is plant the idea of you as a legit couple in his head, nature will take it's course from there. Give him some time to stew on it, but I would say if he's had maybe a week and still treats you the same, it might be a lost cause. I would advise backing off at that point, he's not going to give you what you want and it's only going to hurt you more in the end.
Author lady_v Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 how can I tell him that I'd like to talk with him, especially about us, without scaring the daylights out of him? that's the second most part of where my anxiety comes in; I don't want to ruin what's now a good thing, but I want more of what there is to offer. he has said to me before that he is a broken man, because of an ex-girlfriend (not the one from the Philippines). the only thing I could say to him was that even if he is as broken as he says he is, I am still willing to be there for him and that I really do enjoy spending time with him. so, I am close to telling him how I feel about him, just not able to sit down with him and actually say it. I guess you could say that I am still afraid of him rejecting me.
Author lady_v Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 so I spoke with a friend today about my problem and was finally courageous enough to talk with C about how I feel, wondering wherr things stood between us. yay! except after dropping my friend off at home, I remembered C is on call all weekend for work and I know I wouldn't have his full attention for probably a week. boo! =(
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