IndianGuy87 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Actually, that is easily false. There is really females out there that would only get approached once, if not at all. If your looks is not accepted by the general society, your dating options will be low by default. Of course, there could be other reasons as well. A few females here already proven that to be false. Trust me, the females whose looks aren't accepted by the general society are actually being approached by males whose looks aren't being accepted by the general society. The problem is that those women aren't willing to date those men and generally prefer guys who are either better looking or has more money than the guys who are approaching them. I think pretty much all women believe that due to the fact that they are women that some guy much better than the ones approaching them will definitely come and be their prince charming. Eventually, that doesn't happen and they end up marrying the ones in their league for the sake of being finally supported by a man sooner or later.
tuxedo cat Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I'm up North in Scotland. London's way friendlier. Move. ;;;;;;
ltjg45 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 There are two types of approaches being discussed here, the cold approach and the actual asking out of someone you already know. I don't really do cold approaches, although on one or two occasions I have walked up to a fellow and sort of drug him along with me to the dance floor (think caveman style except I grab a belt loop or suspenders). In this case it rarely leads to more than a dance but it is always because the man in question is dancing alone and having a blast with it. My guess is that the atmosphere and dancing gets my endorphins up and I am bit emboldened by the combination. There is just something about a man who is having a blast by himself (dancing like no one's watching) that I just cannot resist...especially if he's goofy about it. As for asking a man out, each time has been under similar circumstances. We have been friends/acquaintances for some time and I am crushing on him hard and tired of waiting for him to ask me out. With these fellows, I have a good rapport and usually a history of laughing and great conversation. Then one day we will be alone, I will be hopped up with confidence (usually due to something unrelated - a bonus at work or something) and just go for it. The last guy I did this with was my ex-husband. We had been friends for 3 years, talked almost daily, and were outside of work laughing as per typical. He said something about how much he loved talking to me and I just looked him in the eye and asked, "Are you ever going to take me to dinner?" He stammered a bit and this said, "Um, yeah - Friday?" We were married for 10 years. Still great friends to this day. Now I really am curious as to why your marriage didn't last longer. I can see you are still great friends with him and being married for 10 years? That's incredible, esp. in this society. I guess the reason why I'm asking this is so I can keep this in mind whenever I get into a similar situation. I would be devastated if I was married for 10 years and then get divorced. I doubt I can recover from that for a while. If you don't mind sharing this info, PM me.
PhoenixRysing Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Now I really am curious as to why your marriage didn't last longer. I can see you are still great friends with him and being married for 10 years? That's incredible, esp. in this society. I guess the reason why I'm asking this is so I can keep this in mind whenever I get into a similar situation. I would be devastated if I was married for 10 years and then get divorced. I doubt I can recover from that for a while. If you don't mind sharing this info, PM me. I sent you the details in a PM to not derail the thread too much. For general consumption it boils down to life changes that caused us to want mutually exclusive ideals such that we could no longer support each others dreams (without derailing our own). We split amicably - helped along by me giving him everything (including the house and all the stuff in it) - no financial battles makes it easier to stay friends. Hmmm - I guess that's another stereotype blown out of the water - he was not destroyed financially in the divorce - I willingly took all of the debt and gave him the house.
ltjg45 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I sent you the details in a PM to not derail the thread too much. For general consumption it boils down to life changes that caused us to want mutually exclusive ideals such that we could no longer support each others dreams (without derailing our own). We split amicably - helped along by me giving him everything (including the house and all the stuff in it) - no financial battles makes it easier to stay friends. Hmmm - I guess that's another stereotype blown out of the water - he was not destroyed financially in the divorce - I willingly took all of the debt and gave him the house. That is fine. I do thank you for that. I merely want to learn because, truth be told, I just want to be a better person at the end of the day. The more I learn, the merrier.
sweetkiwi Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I'm late to the party, and I haven't read the entire thread, so I apologize if this has already been asked. What makes you ladies decide to approach a guy? Inquiring minds want to know! Well if I don't know the guy I hang back and observe. Funny enough I tend to be quiet when I am first meeting a group of people. I observe how the men interact with eachother. How they interact with women. Then when I see good energy, confidence but not arrogance, and some adorable features I simply can't resist: I pounce. I just walk near them and usually they look at me too. If they don't I just walk right by them. So if we are making etc contact I simply square off our bodies (as in face to face) and introduce myself. My dad taught me to shake hands upon meeting someone. You can really tell a lot by a handshake. The hands are quite expressive and personal. I prefer men with firm but gentle handshake
ltjg45 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Trust me, the females whose looks aren't accepted by the general society are actually being approached by males whose looks aren't being accepted by the general society. Really? Or is it because we are conditioned to believe that? Even if they do, they are being approached for the wrong reasons the majority of the time. The problem is that those women aren't willing to date those men and generally prefer guys who are either better looking or has more money than the guys who are approaching them. Are you sure that is exactly the reasons why they are turning them down? After my brief exchange with an attracted 35-year old Russian female (which I would say she is in a higher league than I am, if you are willing to believe that), it made me wonder how many other females out there that I have a legit chance of being with. I doubt the looks of these males is truly the reason why they are being turned down. I'm confident on that now. I seen quite a few males who looks isn't that great and I can say that it's not the looks that makes them not relationship material, that's for sure. I think pretty much all women believe that due to the fact that they are women that some guy much better than the ones approaching them will definitely come and be their prince charming. Eventually, that doesn't happen and they end up marrying the ones in their league for the sake of being finally supported by a man sooner or later. Well, while the women does have that mindset, which is really their preference, I can say that if a good male actually approach them, they will throw it out the window just to date or get to know that male better. While I could give you an example (so I do have proof otherwise), I rather not just to keep this thread on topic. So stop worrying about whether you have a shot with her or not and just go do it. 1
jcrew11 Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 As for asking a man out, each time has been under similar circumstances. We have been friends/acquaintances for some time and I am crushing on him hard and tired of waiting for him to ask me out. With these fellows, I have a good rapport and usually a history of laughing and great conversation. Then one day we will be alone, I will be hopped up with confidence (usually due to something unrelated - a bonus at work or something) and just go for it. The last guy I did this with was my ex-husband. We had been friends for 3 years, talked almost daily, and were outside of work laughing as per typical. He said something about how much he loved talking to me and I just looked him in the eye and asked, "Are you ever going to take me to dinner?" He stammered a bit and this said, "Um, yeah - Friday?" We were married for 10 years. Still great friends to this day. As I mentioned, if you are waiting 3 years to ask a guy out, you are doing something wrong. Maybe you are just stuck in the "Friend Zone" because you are not "the wild sexy chick" It depends on your age, but If you wait more than 2 months to ask a guy out; then the guy will just assume you are not interested and just want to be friends. You just have to find reasons to escalate and hang out with him. Chat on the phone, get happy hour drinks, get lunch or dinner. Worse case, have a "girl-friend" act as a wing-woman and talk you up to the guy and get his reaction.
PhoenixRysing Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 (edited) As I mentioned, if you are waiting 3 years to ask a guy out, you are doing something wrong. Maybe you are just stuck in the "Friend Zone" because you are not "the wild sexy chick" It depends on your age, but If you wait more than 2 months to ask a guy out; then the guy will just assume you are not interested and just want to be friends. You just have to find reasons to escalate and hang out with him. Chat on the phone, get happy hour drinks, get lunch or dinner. Worse case, have a "girl-friend" act as a wing-woman and talk you up to the guy and get his reaction. Or maybe (as in this case) we were actually in the friend zone, both dated other people, and then the flip switched for me. No matter what I did he didn't have the brass to do anything about it. I don't need help asking a man out, I thought I was clear on that? I really do have men who are just friends, then one day I realize I feel something more. When the switch flips for me, I up the ante on the flirtations and then if they don't bite I ask them out. Unlike my ex-husband, who had a crush on me for the entire time we were friends, I did not see him that way until much later in the game. Then I did take the bull by the horns when I realized he wasn't going to. I know I don't fit the expected norms that some blokes here think are rules - I actually date guys who were once in the friend zone, I gave everything to my ex in the divorce, I ask men out, and by the way - I am hot (maybe not everyone's cup of tea but I am pretty satisfied when I look in the mirror and in the reaction I get from my lovers). I think it bothers you to think women like me exist. Can there really be a woman who is kind, attractive, generous, sexy, and ballsy? Nah - she must be a dog, especially if she is trying to improve herself on an internet forum (but as it turns out, I am a geek too). Or perhaps other men are just like you and think I am too good to be true and think there is no chance for them and thus spend their time wondering instead of acting. Lucky for them - I go after what I want, even if they are a bit dense. BTW - the man I am asking about in the other thread I have known for three years as well (or somewhere thereabouts) but we never interacted on a personal or in person level until very recently. We just met for the first time in person and all of my questions are directed toward getting him to make a move the next time we see each other. Now that we know each other in person, you can trust that I will not wait three years... Edited February 26, 2013 by PhoenixRysing
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