Women: have you had luck approaching?

[IndianGuy87]

ive only ever been approched once, and after some nosing around, found it it was a joke, by my "friends" at the time....

 

This was about 15-20 years ago, ive been single ever since (well actually, always single), the fact they (the so called friends) knew i was going to be single, so set this practical joke up seems to have played out to be true).

 

I have thought about it, i would still have actated the same way if this happened or not so thinking about it, i had some VERY early signs from when in school i would always be a "single" type women never choose.

 

Its backed up my thoery of "DNA" sex, you either have it, or you dont.

 

No matter how unattractive a woman is, she will still have multiple men in her lifetime approaching them. I just don't buy the fact that there are women who have never been approached, unless they stay inside and sheltered 24/7.

[Shardish]

... All you care about is a woman's body? How boring. What about the 99% of the time you're NOT having sex, what do you plan to talk about and do together?

 

That's an assumption and a half isn't it? Where have I said that all I care about is a woman's body?

[Shardish]

Some guys who have never had sex seem to be under the delusion that they'll actually be having it 50% of the time when they get a girlfriend.

 

I have enough friends in mundane, sexless relationships to know that's not necessarily the case.

[Taramere]

I never did this much and picked from the men that came to me, which were mostly options I wasn't fully happy with.

 

A friend of mine had good luck recently with making a first move. She dropped her phone number into a cup of a cute guy. He called her immediately and they are going out She has been seeing him around the coffee shop for months and finally decided to do something.

 

I also want to make a distinction between approaching and pursuing.

 

For example, if a guy in the case of my friend didn't call, and she tried to talk to him next time she saw him that would cross the line into the desparation land.

 

By approaching I mean make one clear move to show your interest and then leave the ball in his court.

 

No. I've struck up conversations with men if I overheard them say something that made me think "I want to hear more about that." It's usually resulted in them behaving in an interested and flirtatious way but more often than not hasn't gone beyond that.

 

When I've been abroad, that scenario will invariably lead to the man hitting on you without delay. With British men, however, there's obviously some subtle but essential female move in the courtship dance that I've never mastered. I've generally had this situation where the man is standing there looking alert and interested like an attentive dog waiting for its next instruction....and you just know that "do you fancy going out for a drink/coffee some time?" is not going to be on the cards unless you perform this magical, mysterious courtship move that's been kept such a big secret by all the coupled up people out there.

 

I've sometimes wondered what would happen if I asked them out, but I just know it would result in awkward stuttering and smirking and "I'm sure that would be nice but I don't think the wife/girlfriend would be very happy" response that would be horrible for everybody. Then I'd probably get labelled as a crazy stalker. So instead I just go through life having these strange little conversations with men where they stand there, hands in pockets grinning shyly at me, but seem to have no desire to take it anywhere beyond that.

 

In a former job, we had this IT guy who would sort out our computer stuff. I liked him. I told my boss. She passed the word to him that I was single and interested. I asked her what his response was. She said "he blushed and said you were really cute." Next time I went into his little shop he blushed, avoided making eye contact with me and basically I cut my time in there as short as possible due to the awkwardness.

 

What do you do? Various friends have told me that it's time for me to bite the bullet and do online dating...but by this point I've kind of let the stuff I read on LS put me off the whole dating thing.

[iKING]

No. I've struck up conversations with men if I overheard them say something that made me think "I want to hear more about that." It's usually resulted in them behaving in an interested and flirtatious way but more often than not hasn't gone beyond that.

 

When I've been abroad, that scenario will invariably lead to the man hitting on you without delay. With British men, however, there's obviously some subtle but essential female move in the courtship dance that I've never mastered. I've generally had this situation where the man is standing there looking alert and interested like an attentive dog waiting for its next instruction....and you just know that "do you fancy going out for a drink/coffee some time?" is not going to be on the cards unless you perform this magical, mysterious courtship move that's been kept such a big secret by all the coupled up people out there.

 

I've sometimes wondered what would happen if I asked them out, but I just know it would result in awkward stuttering and smirking and "I'm sure that would be nice but I don't think the wife/girlfriend would be very happy" response that would be horrible for everybody. Then I'd probably get labelled as a crazy stalker. So instead I just go through life having these strange little conversations with men where they stand there, hands in pockets grinning shyly at me, but seem to have no desire to take it anywhere beyond that.

 

In a former job, we had this IT guy who would sort out our computer stuff. I liked him. I told my boss. She passed the word to him that I was single and interested. I asked her what his response was. She said "he blushed and said you were really cute." Next time I went into his little shop he blushed, avoided making eye contact with me and basically I cut my time in there as short as possible due to the awkwardness.

 

What do you do? Various friends have told me that it's time for me to bite the bullet and do online dating...but by this point I've kind of let the stuff I read on LS put me off the whole dating thing.

 

Ahh the mystical romance courtship dances of the brits, a BBC documentary within itself. The problem with the IT guy is he's likely a nerdy type who is far too shy to make a first move. Been there, been that. It isn't always the case of course, but that one is more odds based. As for the others as well, you may need to give making a move a try if you want to get anywhere, I doubt it'll label you as being "creepy stalker girl #204" unless you well, stalk them. Being forward isn't irregular behavior, although it may be in Britain, not sure. Online dating is an option as it well.. Gives you options. It serves as a buffer more then anything. Don't let fear hold you back in life. Best of luck in your endeavors!

[EasyHeart]

Yeah, sad but true in many cases. I define 'experience' differently from most though. Some guys define 'experience' as having had lots of relationships. To me, it's being in at least one relationship long enough that you learn how to cope with the problems that usually crop up in LTRs. So I'd consider a guy who's had just one 3-year R as more experienced than a guy who's had tons of 3-month Rs or casual encounters.

I have a similar beef with divorced people. They've been in one relationship since they were 19, so they fancy themselves experts at relationships. That usually translates into, "We've gone on two dates, so now I expect you to be and act like my husband."

[Els]

I have a similar beef with divorced people. They've been in one relationship since they were 19, so they fancy themselves experts at relationships. That usually translates into, "We've gone on two dates, so now I expect you to be and act like my husband."

 

Ah, well, fair enough. I think it depends on what sort of experience you're looking for. The 1-relationship divorcee would definitely have less dating experience than the one who's dated around. Some of us aren't interested in 'dating' in the standard sense of the word, though, and sex really only belongs in relationship territory to me, so I don't find any worth in 'dating' experience.

[EasyHeart]

Cold approached are brutally hard, regardless of gender. The only time I'd ever consider asking out a stranger is if (1) we have some sort of activity or interaction that puts us together for a while or (2) we have repeated contact. For instance, I've asked out women I met at conferences or professional events, after we've has several hours of talking, sitting next to each other, eating together, etc. Or I've asked out waitresses or people who work at stores after I've talked with them several time to establish (a) that I'm interesting and (b) that I'm not a dangerous psycho. But just walking up to someone and asking them out? I would never do that.

 

Of course, there's always a danger that the other person isn't available. At least women usually wear wedding/engagement rings, but women with boyfriends don't have any insignia that they wear. IME, they generally shut men down ASAP, even if we're not hitting on them and just saying "Excuse me" because we're trying to reach the napkins at the coffee shop. Men have far less experience at being approached, so it's much more likely that we won't quite know how to react. Handling being approached is just as much a skill as doing the approach.

 

And we're also limited by local custom. Where I grew up, it was very common to chat with strangers while waiting in line, riding the elevator, crossing the street, eating in restaurants, etc. Where I live now, though, talking to someone you don't know is strictly verboten. Many people won't talk to anyone they didn't go to high school with. That makes meeting people much, much harder. Add in the fact that nowadays people stare at their cellphones any time they're alone (or even not alone!) and that makes it almost impossible to interact with people you don't know.

 

And most importantly, there's just the interest factor. In the cases women have approached me, they've never been women that I would be interested in. If any of you ladies want to start approaching men, you have to do the same thing we men do: Grow a very thick skin, because you're going to get rejected 9 times out of 10. It's not fun, but you get used to it. My personal self-confidence technique is to assume any woman that doesn't want to date me must be a lesbian. I can't think of any other possible explanation. (Which is why I am a strong proponent of gay rights. After all, they're about 98% of the female population).

[hudson701]

I have never once been approached by a woman in my 30 years on this planet. In fact if that we're to happen to me I'd be so blown away that I'd try super hard to make things work and become an excellent BF. things like this just don't happen in real life unfortunately, so I'm a little sceptical especially of the pretty girls on here who have tried the cold approach and suffered rejection.

 

It all goes back to this idea that men must do the chasing, which I think is so unfair given women always preach they want equality in relationships and life in general. I'm all for equal rights but to be approached by a woman would be very refreshing, if only to stroke the ego, which of course is something they experience everyday in the dating world.

[Taramere]

Ahh the mystical romance courtship dances of the brits, a BBC documentary within itself. The problem with the IT guy is he's likely a nerdy type who is far too shy to make a first move. Been there, been that. It isn't always the case of course, but that one is more odds based. As for the others as well, you may need to give making a move a try if you want to get anywhere, I doubt it'll label you as being "creepy stalker girl #204" unless you well, stalk them. Being forward isn't irregular behavior, although it may be in Britain, not sure. Online dating is an option as it well.. Gives you options. It serves as a buffer more then anything. Don't let fear hold you back in life. Best of luck in your endeavors!

 

Do you know...I've never really understood it. I feel like a foreigner in my own city, so have often ended up dating foreigners. As for the "stalker label" I can imagine some of the guys here absolutely itching to claim that they're being stalked. Any excuse. In fact, I don't need to imagine because when I was looking through some of the dating profiles I could see it.

 

One very obese, pasty faced man sat in a lorry with a belligerent expression on his face next to the headline "no stalkers or bunny boilers." I was tempted to write to him. "Are you sure I can't tempt you with a bit of boiled bunny? After all, you look as though you could eat the entire cast of Watership Down for a mid afternoon snack."

 

That's probably not the right way to approach online dating though.

[Shardish]

I feel like a foreigner in my own city,

 

I'd imagine most Londoners feel that way.

[sweetkiwi]

Every single relationship I've had lasting 6+ months have been started by me approaching him. And a few times with me romancing him. It's fun for me.

 

I have no problem cold approaching. It's just about talking and being comfortable with yourself. And asking for numbers.

[Els]

 

One very obese, pasty faced man sat in a lorry with a belligerent expression on his face next to the headline "no stalkers or bunny boilers." I was tempted to write to him. "Are you sure I can't tempt you with a bit of boiled bunny? After all, you look as though you could eat the entire cast of Watership Down for a mid afternoon snack."

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

That reminds me of this meme: http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/666/70f/9e9/resized/butthurt-dweller-meme-generator-12-body-fat-wouldn-t-bang-0166c6.jpg

[Taramere]

I'd imagine most Londoners feel that way.

 

I'm up North in Scotland. London's way friendlier.

[Shardish]

I'm up North in Scotland. London's way friendlier.

 

Yes Scotland does seem like a highly intimidating place, particularly Glasgow. Whether or not that is a generalisation or truth is not something I can say with any certainty.

[Lonely Ronin]

I'm late to the party, and I haven't read the entire thread, so I apologize if this has already been asked.

 

What makes you ladies decide to approach a guy? Inquiring minds want to know!

[ltjg45]

No matter how unattractive a woman is, she will still have multiple men in her lifetime approaching them. I just don't buy the fact that there are women who have never been approached, unless they stay inside and sheltered 24/7.

 

Actually, that is easily false.

 

There is really females out there that would only get approached once, if not at all.

 

If your looks is not accepted by the general society, your dating options will be low by default. Of course, there could be other reasons as well.

 

A few females here already proven that to be false.

[Geiss]

I have never once been approached by a woman in my 30 years on this planet. In fact if that we're to happen to me I'd be so blown away that I'd try super hard to make things work and become an excellent BF. things like this just don't happen in real life unfortunately, so I'm a little sceptical especially of the pretty girls on here who have tried the cold approach and suffered rejection.

 

It all goes back to this idea that men must do the chasing, which I think is so unfair given women always preach they want equality in relationships and life in general. I'm all for equal rights but to be approached by a woman would be very refreshing, if only to stroke the ego, which of course is something they experience everyday in the dating world.

 

Well it took me 37 years but I finally got approached by a women. She came onto me and asked for my phone number. She said that she thought I was hot and sexy. And she was only 23 as well, not drunk either. And to hear that coming from a women about me is kind of shocking to hear and I didn't really know how to react. I just smiled I think that was good enough.

 

So yes it is not a common occurrence. I've had some women buy me drinks before too and a few drunk girls come up to me in bars but really none of this happened until I hit my thirties.

 

I don't really expect it to happen again anytime soon but it was nice to have it happen. So you never know.

[Taramere]

:lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

That reminds me of this meme: http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/666/70f/9e9/resized/butthurt-dweller-meme-generator-12-body-fat-wouldn-t-bang-0166c6.jpg

 

Reminds me of back when I worked in kids' homes and two of the boys were flicking through a magazine I'd brought in. I'm sure that Kate Moss and Christy Turlington would be devastated to know that they weren't hot enough, in their heyday, for a pair of thirteen year old glue-sniffers in food stained shellsuits.

 

I saw a casual crush today, and had a conversation. He used the word "we" several times - evidently in reference to a girlfriend or boyfriend - so that's another one to score off. Before I venture into the abyss that is online dating I'm going to give a couple of months to making more effort to meet men in real life situations. Two months of going to regular dance classes, and if that doesn't do it I will dive into the abyss. If any overweight, milk-faced men post in here about women breaking into their flats in the early hours to boil Brer Rabbit in a large pan, you'll know that I've finally plucked up the courage to get out there.

[kimberlydoll]

My luck with approaching has not been good either.

 

I find with most men I approach they are not really into me but they are happy to entertain me because its female attention and most men eat that up

[apple OR orange]

I've been single my whole life and have been approached multiple times. Not buying your "theory" any more than most people's "theories" which are just convenient excuses to stop trying.

 

A theory remains a theory until proven, DNA sex (or attraction) has been proven, the fact you are single AND have been approached technical agrees with a DNA attraction based society!.

 

The fact you remain single wasn’t based on never having others not approach you so the real question is WHY did they approach you if you "choose" to be single, that question itself backs up DNA attraction.

 

Your DNA draws women to you, others (like me) do not, however we are both single. at least agrees with DNA theory.

 

As with all online forums you dont need to believe this, makes no difference to me, i will still eat tonight either way.

[apple OR orange]

No matter how unattractive a woman is, she will still have multiple men in her lifetime approaching them. I just don't buy the fact that there are women who have never been approached, unless they stay inside and sheltered 24/7.

 

I agree with this 100%, you know i'm male right?

[apple OR orange]

I have never once been approached by a woman in my 30 years on this planet. In fact if that we're to happen to me I'd be so blown away that I'd try super hard to make things work and become an excellent BF. things like this just don't happen in real life unfortunately, so I'm a little sceptical especially of the pretty girls on here who have tried the cold approach and suffered rejection.

 

It all goes back to this idea that men must do the chasing, which I think is so unfair given women always preach they want equality in relationships and life in general. I'm all for equal rights but to be approached by a woman would be very refreshing, if only to stroke the ego, which of course is something they experience everyday in the dating world.

 

I agree with this 100%, infact on another forum i stated this outright, i was labeled a woman hater for it.

 

I have noticed the more you "rock the boat" on women doing more in the dating area like guys have to the more women will hate you for it.

[PhoenixRysing]

I'm late to the party, and I haven't read the entire thread, so I apologize if this has already been asked.

 

What makes you ladies decide to approach a guy? Inquiring minds want to know!

 

There are two types of approaches being discussed here, the cold approach and the actual asking out of someone you already know.

 

I don't really do cold approaches, although on one or two occasions I have walked up to a fellow and sort of drug him along with me to the dance floor (think caveman style except I grab a belt loop or suspenders). In this case it rarely leads to more than a dance but it is always because the man in question is dancing alone and having a blast with it. My guess is that the atmosphere and dancing gets my endorphins up and I am bit emboldened by the combination. There is just something about a man who is having a blast by himself (dancing like no one's watching) that I just cannot resist...especially if he's goofy about it.

 

As for asking a man out, each time has been under similar circumstances. We have been friends/acquaintances for some time and I am crushing on him hard and tired of waiting for him to ask me out. With these fellows, I have a good rapport and usually a history of laughing and great conversation. Then one day we will be alone, I will be hopped up with confidence (usually due to something unrelated - a bonus at work or something) and just go for it. The last guy I did this with was my ex-husband. We had been friends for 3 years, talked almost daily, and were outside of work laughing as per typical. He said something about how much he loved talking to me and I just looked him in the eye and asked, "Are you ever going to take me to dinner?" He stammered a bit and this said, "Um, yeah - Friday?" We were married for 10 years. Still great friends to this day.

[tuxedo cat]

No. I've struck up conversations with men if I overheard them say something that made me think "I want to hear more about that." It's usually resulted in them behaving in an interested and flirtatious way but more often than not hasn't gone beyond that.

 

When I've been abroad, that scenario will invariably lead to the man hitting on you without delay. With British men, however, there's obviously some subtle but essential female move in the courtship dance that I've never mastered. I've generally had this situation where the man is standing there looking alert and interested like an attentive dog waiting for its next instruction....and you just know that "do you fancy going out for a drink/coffee some time?" is not going to be on the cards unless you perform this magical, mysterious courtship move that's been kept such a big secret by all the coupled up people out there.

 

I've sometimes wondered what would happen if I asked them out, but I just know it would result in awkward stuttering and smirking and "I'm sure that would be nice but I don't think the wife/girlfriend would be very happy" response that would be horrible for everybody. Then I'd probably get labelled as a crazy stalker. So instead I just go through life having these strange little conversations with men where they stand there, hands in pockets grinning shyly at me, but seem to have no desire to take it anywhere beyond that.

 

In a former job, we had this IT guy who would sort out our computer stuff. I liked him. I told my boss. She passed the word to him that I was single and interested. I asked her what his response was. She said "he blushed and said you were really cute." Next time I went into his little shop he blushed, avoided making eye contact with me and basically I cut my time in there as short as possible due to the awkwardness.

 

What do you do? Various friends have told me that it's time for me to bite the bullet and do online dating...but by this point I've kind of let the stuff I read on LS put me off the whole dating thing.

 

Next time this happens find a clever and cute way of handing the guy your number, smile at them confidently and then walk away. That way they won't feel put on the spot or slightly emasculated as they might if you directly ask them out.