todreaminblue Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 She only approaches "the really really cute ones." That is the definition of shallow. Continuing to defend clearly shallow behavior as being not shallow just makes you look even worse, and is hypocrisy. who are you to define her as being shallow..one thing i am isnt shallow so in my own sefl awareness i am nto worse than anyone..........you dont know the person who you called out, who is posting nor do you know me.......the same can be said as i dont know you....i simply said there is no hypocrisy in not approaching any guy........every woman every man has their ideal, what they look for what they value..i dont go for the outside cover normally....have in the past though....didnt work out..i dont think it is up to any oen person to define what is considered shallow or not...again i am not saying you are shallow......but you are saying i am even more so for defending someoens right to express an opinion........in my opinion i dont look worse...there was no shallowness in my reply....maybe to you i do .....but you dont know me....so i stand by what i said and if you did know me...that opinion wouldnt change....i stand by what i say....i wasnt singling anyone out for being shallow....that to me well....is not something i intentionally do ..have i been shallow in my life....without a doubt......and i try not to....be that person..but i stuff up like everyone else does...................cheers.........deb
animalover Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 who are you to define her as being shallow..one thing i am isnt shallow so in my own sefl awareness i am nto worse than anyone..........you dont know the person who you called out, who is posting nor do you know me.......the same can be said as i dont know you....i simply said there is no hypocrisy in not approaching any guy........every woman every man has their ideal, what they look for what they value..i dont go for the outside cover normally....have in the past though....didnt work out..i dont think it is up to any oen person to define what is considered shallow or not...again i am not saying you are shallow......but you are saying i am even more so for defending someoens right to express an opinion........in my opinion i dont look worse...there was no shallowness in my reply....maybe to you i do .....but you dont know me....so i stand by what i said and if you did know me...that opinion wouldnt change....i stand by what i say....i wasnt singling anyone out for being shallow....that to me well....is not something i intentionally do ..have i been shallow in my life....without a doubt......and i try not to....be that person..but i stuff up like everyone else does...................cheers.........deb That is the exact true! Why it would be shallow for a woman to approach a man who she finds attractive? Do you think women should just approach men who they are not attracted to just to not be shallow? Some guys here should really grow up and accept that people can chose who they date based in their own preferences...
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 I usually prefer to do the approaching myself...but I have to admit that my current gf was the one who approached me this time... and I liked it Because you liked her. Which is my point, when you like someone it doesn't matter who does the approaching 1
ChessPieceFace Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 who are you to define her as being shallow. I'm the person that read these words that she typed: Yes, pretty good success, the more ballsy in a joking sort of way the better. I save it for the really really cute ones though.
Shardish Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 (edited) I'm the person that read these words that she typed: I don't see what she has typed as being shallow and aren't we all "shallow" to some degree? You are attracted to what you're attracted to. Would Archgirl be shallow in your eyes if she had to choose between you and me and she chose you? Nope, of course she wouldn't. She likes cute guys and will happily approach those guys, good for them and good for her I say. Edited February 23, 2013 by Shardish
El Brujo Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I never did this much and picked from the men that came to me, which were mostly options I wasn't fully happy with. A friend of mine had good luck recently with making a first move. She dropped her phone number into a cup of a cute guy. He called her immediately and they are going out She has been seeing him around the coffee shop for months and finally decided to do something. I also want to make a distinction between approaching and pursuing. For example, if a guy in the case of my friend didn't call, and she tried to talk to him next time she saw him that would cross the line into the desparation land. By approaching I mean make one clear move to show your interest and then leave the ball in his court. You deserve respect for your decision. There's be a lot less negativity in the dating world if more women would follow your example and approach the shy guy at social functions. After all, this isn't the 1800s, a woman isn't going to get kicked out of the country club for approaching a guy who looks interesting... OTOH of course he could also be a weirdo who makes shrunken heads in his basement, but hey, nobody would get anywhere without taking chances. 1
ChessPieceFace Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Would Archgirl be shallow in your eyes if she had to choose between you and me and she chose you? If she chose me simply because she believed I was "really really cute" then yes. I make an issue of it because I know that if a guy had said her words, half a dozen women here would have called him shallow. It's called combating double standards.
Weezy1973 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 What has led to my long term relationships has been women showing repeated interest and then me doing the "heavy lifting" by actually asking them out. The few times when women have "cold approached" me (very few times) it never went anywhere. I knew they were cute and that was it. I find that when women show interest in me it's because they know a bit about me and it's not just looks based. I think that will tend to lead to better success long term.
Malia25 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I'm decent, sure, but those guys probably had better options or I just wasn't their type I'm a female...and even I find this hard to believe. You're obviously very pretty and you seem quite level-headed! I guess after a few rejections here and there, you are able to have that positive mindset in realizing that it has nothing to do with you per se. Must be nice! I put on my big panties (not literally!) recently and asked a guy out I had been crushing on for months. He agreed to lunch, but when I decided to take initiative and be assertive by suggesting a time and place....he backed away, and said we should play it by ear and that he will call me. That was 3 weeks ago and I'm pretty much assuming he's never going to call at this point. Totally disappointing, as I really wanted to get to know him....but not surprising. I was prepared for rejection, but not exactly expecting it. LOL. This was the first time I approached a guy and showed initial interest and it backfired. And quite honestly, I'm still in that stage of "what was wrong w/ me?" which is stupid, I know! Because I know there's nothing wrong w/ me - and that it possibly has little to actually do with ME and more to do with him. This situation hasn't scared me away from making the first move on another guy that catches my eye, so that's a plus.
Els Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I gotta be honest, every time I did it it turned out to be a flop. I think it's because culturally it has been ingrained in guys to ask a girl out if they like her. So most guys do that. Thus, if you're a woman asking a guy out, your chances are slim that he likes you. Also some cultures tend to label women who do that as 'desperate', which makes things worse. Not sure about the culture where you live. Pretty crappy culture if you ask me. If I was single (fortunately I'm not) I would much prefer to be able to make the first move. I just stopped doing it because it didn't work, and I was asked out by a guy I liked shortly after. 1
ChessPieceFace Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I think you are better off showing obvious interest but not necessarily "asking a guy out." I mean you can if you want to, I don't think it's necessary. What's important is that the guy knows you are interested. If you just sit at your table and look a couple times, that doesn't count, and you might be missing out on some good guys that way. Ex: I've had some girls tell me they liked my singing at karaoke. No clue if they were interested or just matter-of-fact about liking the singing. I have no ability to read that. If they were interested they should have continued the conversation, like asking info about me. It would have been apparent then.
Revolver Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Women only go out of there way to approach guys they deem highly desirable.
IndianGuy87 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Women only go out of there way to approach guys they deem highly desirable. Of course, a guy has to be very sexy or rich in order to be approached by girls but you can't blame them. Girls would be stupid to approach average looking guys or go below them. The whole point of girls even approaching guys is because they get fed up with average looking guys of average height with not much money constantly approaching them. So yeah, in order to catch a guy's attention who they see as complete desirable looks or money wise then they try approaching them before other women get their hands on them. Nothing wrong with that though. If I was a woman, I'd do that if the gender roles were reversed and if it was men who were more shallow than men than we'd take that advantage too and approach sexy women rather than just give any average woman approaching us a chance.
Shaun-Dro Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I never did this much and picked from the men that came to me, which were mostly options I wasn't fully happy with. A friend of mine had good luck recently with making a first move. She dropped her phone number into a cup of a cute guy. He called her immediately and they are going out She has been seeing him around the coffee shop for months and finally decided to do something. I also want to make a distinction between approaching and pursuing. For example, if a guy in the case of my friend didn't call, and she tried to talk to him next time she saw him that would cross the line into the desparation land. By approaching I mean make one clear move to show your interest and then leave the ball in his court. Of course women should be making moves in showing interest to men as soon as she decides he's the kind of guy she wants to get to know, not the other way around. TV and books reinforce this all the time. And the answer to this is easy. Women are always on guard, so that requires men to be naturally skilled in the art of putting women at ease, an art that most men don't possess and women make it hard as hell. I'll admit that I'm not exactly Casanova but I do pretty okay because of other things that I'm able to work on them. This doesn't apply to most dudes out there. They need encouragement. When a woman shows interest without flat out telling a man she wants to date him, she takes the unnecessary pressure off the man to pursue and in return the woman still gets to save face if the man doesn't follow suit, but unfortunately it'll be the next century before the majority of women get the memo on this report.
jcrew11 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I never did this much and picked from the men that came to me, which were mostly options I wasn't fully happy with. A friend of mine had good luck recently with making a first move. She dropped her phone number into a cup of a cute guy. He called her immediately and they are going out She has been seeing him around the coffee shop for months and finally decided to do something. I also want to make a distinction between approaching and pursuing. For example, if a guy in the case of my friend didn't call, and she tried to talk to him next time she saw him that would cross the line into the desparation land. By approaching I mean make one clear move to show your interest and then leave the ball in his court. I think it depends on your personlity. If you don't want to talk to guys, then you are probably shy and scared. Take note, if you do approach hot guys (or hot girls) the hotter ones usually have a girlfriend/boyfriend/married because if they are that hot/confident/happy then they are probably in a relationship. So, you can talk to guys in a "friendly manner" without asking them out directly. You can ask "Are you single or are you seeing anyone?" and that can protect your ego if they reject you for some reason. But for shy girls, its safer to play the friend-angle, and try to meet guys as friends before risking direct rejections, and you won't look as desperate.
Shardish Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 If she chose me simply because she believed I was "really really cute" then yes. I make an issue of it because I know that if a guy had said her words, half a dozen women here would have called him shallow. It's called combating double standards. As if, if she chose you, you'd be as happy as a pig in mud, I know I would be, she's fit.
ltjg45 Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I don't just see a hot guy across the club and walk up. I scope for a bit, and then if I like what I see I say "**** it!" grab my drink and go for it. It would be nice to see more females like you. As long as she doesn't have a ton of baggage and is at least average-looking, I would give any female that steps up to me a much different outlook than usual only because she has balls (perhaps more than me) and I can respect that. I'm trying to get my balls back.
2sure Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I'm older than you, but I was told years ago by men that got to know me that I seemed unapproachable. So, I took that and when I saw I man I liked making eye contact and stuff, I learned to take the initiative and just walk up and introduce myself. It either worked out well or I just chatted for a few minutes and went back to what I was doing. The guys were always happy about it. But believe me, you want to be able to make a clean get away if he is only good looking with nothing to say.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 As if, if she chose you, you'd be as happy as a pig in mud, I know I would be, she's fit. ... All you care about is a woman's body? How boring. What about the 99% of the time you're NOT having sex, what do you plan to talk about and do together? 1
Els Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 ... All you care about is a woman's body? How boring. What about the 99% of the time you're NOT having sex, what do you plan to talk about and do together? Some guys who have never had sex seem to be under the delusion that they'll actually be having it 50% of the time when they get a girlfriend. 2
apple OR orange Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 ive only ever been approched once, and after some nosing around, found it it was a joke, by my "friends" at the time.... This was about 15-20 years ago, ive been single ever since (well actually, always single), the fact they (the so called friends) knew i was going to be single, so set this practical joke up seems to have played out to be true). I have thought about it, i would still have actated the same way if this happened or not so thinking about it, i had some VERY early signs from when in school i would always be a "single" type women never choose. Its backed up my thoery of "DNA" sex, you either have it, or you dont.
todreaminblue Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I like shy but insecure is a no no. It's hard to keep guessing what it is that he is not sure of or offended by. Everyone is insecure about something but ideally they have enough confidence in themselves that makes them deal with it constructively. My sister's partner is quite insecure and she picked him on purpose because she is the same too. It's true that they are well matched and neither is overbearing (his previous girlfriend was very dominating and it didn't work long term). It takes aaaaaaaaaaaaaaages for them to make a joint decision though. It would drive me insane. However, it works for them. when one partner is more overbearing than the other , the one who is more shy can be lost.......and taken advntage of.....i would assume it would be frustrating for the dominant partner too, i had to laugh when i read about the decision thing.......i think its more about details ......i had an ex partner who woudl coem home and say lets go we are going away for a couple of days....i would say ok and then start panic mode trying to organise it, think of what might go wrong , i much prefer to be asked and work things out together, than be told and work it out myself.....the best times were when i got a say in where we were going and when then i thrived on thinking of things we could do and when i twas a joint decision...he used to pretty impatient because i would be double thinking......pros and cons from every angle....."we could but..and then ...or maybe"..my favorite opening sentence...smilin atcha.....deb....
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Some guys who have never had sex seem to be under the delusion that they'll actually be having it 50% of the time when they get a girlfriend. That's my problem with inexperienced guys.. They have NO clue that relationships are not all sex and laughs.
Els Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 That's my problem with inexperienced guys.. They have NO clue that relationships are not all sex and laughs. Yeah, sad but true in many cases. I define 'experience' differently from most though. Some guys define 'experience' as having had lots of relationships. To me, it's being in at least one relationship long enough that you learn how to cope with the problems that usually crop up in LTRs. So I'd consider a guy who's had just one 3-year R as more experienced than a guy who's had tons of 3-month Rs or casual encounters.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 ive only ever been approched once, and after some nosing around, found it it was a joke, by my "friends" at the time.... This was about 15-20 years ago, ive been single ever since (well actually, always single), the fact they (the so called friends) knew i was going to be single, so set this practical joke up seems to have played out to be true). I have thought about it, i would still have actated the same way if this happened or not so thinking about it, i had some VERY early signs from when in school i would always be a "single" type women never choose. Its backed up my thoery of "DNA" sex, you either have it, or you dont. I've been single my whole life and have been approached multiple times. Not buying your "theory" any more than most people's "theories" which are just convenient excuses to stop trying.
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