Author stevie_23 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Stevie...it's so unfair to keep her in the dark. I know. Do you know how many times I would come into the bedroom to go to bed at night after chatting with him, and look at her sleeping in our bed, and cry for what I was doing to her? I don't want to hurt her...and I don't know what else I DO want, so...I'm too selfish to tell her.
Author stevie_23 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 fYI- I really like you, Stevie. I think you're a good person. I just truly hate the fact that you spend so much time questioning this mans motives. All the while you have something real and meaningful. Old, Internet dude is over. Thank you. To me, he will not ever be "old internet dude" though. I get the fantasy aspect, I get the real relationship right here in my real life thing, I DO get it. I'm not stupid. But to me, everyone has different tastes in people. It is not relevant that he was "old", and it is not relevant that we were online only during our time together. If we had lived closer and had been more "real" in terms of affair, or if he was younger, the actual issues involved would still exist.
Author stevie_23 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 I know my ex-MM's wife's full name. He never hid any of that from me. He told me the majority of his "history" and "facts" before we even realised how we felt for each other and got together.
Realist3 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 why would MW ask you for your fb password? or anyone's for that matter? She didn't ask. I gave it to her because she was helpig me with something I didn't understand about some settings. That was a long long time ago. probably a year or longer.
cocorico Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 She wanted to know?! My H's xW still stalks me on obscure social media even though it's been years since he dumped her.
Ladybugz Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 i think you are hanging to much on being the other woman. every topic you open is about that.. i think you need to open one about self esteem. or how not to get involve in messing with peoples husband. move on!
Eponine Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 i think you are hanging to much on being the other woman. every topic you open is about that.. i think you need to open one about self esteem. or how not to get involve in messing with peoples husband. move on! This is a forum titled The Other Man/Woman, why shouldn't she makes posts and threads about being just that? My MM is very open with me. I have his landline, work #, Cell #, home and work address. I know his wife's name and where she works. I have passwords to many of his accounts. Then again, I think she has to know about me but goes with the DADT philosophy. We have the standard times when I shouldn't call, but he's also told me if I'm ever in a bind and need him, to call and he will play it off as work or something else.
Ladybugz Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 This is a forum titled The Other Man/Woman, why shouldn't she makes posts and threads about being just that? My MM is very open with me. I have his landline, work #, Cell #, home and work address. I know his wife's name and where she works. I have passwords to many of his accounts. Then again, I think she has to know about me but goes with the DADT philosophy. We have the standard times when I shouldn't call, but he's also told me if I'm ever in a bind and need him, to call and he will play it off as work or something else. oeps i wasnt talking to you but my post was so powerful to hit a nerve? lol............ maybe cause you have the same issue:confused::confused::D:D:D 1
MissBee Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 (edited) Meaning, pretty early on my ex-MM gave me his landline phone number and his "normal" email address which his partner (now-wife) checked and had full access to. He also gave me his home address. He said if anything happened to him, like if I just didn't hear from him at all, and I was worried, as a last resort I could use that phone number and email and someone would be able to tell me. Obviously this is before his wife found out about us. I never used these numbers / emails, incidentally. I didn't need to. And also ironically, the way it did end was him just disappearing. And that happened last year when he went into the hospital too. I had no idea if he was ok. And I now couldn't utilise any of those things he'd given me to prevent that happening... But I mean, why would he trust me to this extent?? I could've called his home and spoken to his wife, I could've emailed her through that communal email address...you know? Was he just...blinded by the relationship and so trusted me 100% and believed I would never "ruin" his life? I remember getting very upset one day in the A when he said: "I trust you so much." In a normal relationship this would have been sweet, in our case, I got defensive and upset and asked him what he meant and if he trusted that although I could "ruin his life", I would not. I felt insulted. I did feel like Pierre mentioned, like a partner in crime, and that he trusted me and knew I would not be a bunny boiler or out him. It wasn't a good feeling. I felt devalued personally by that comment. He of course said he didn't mean it like that. I was watching a Youtube video with guys talking about "side chicks" and the different kinds and they were saying the perfect side chick is the one who knows her place, in that she is loyal to a fault and will smile in the main woman's face but never never breathe a word of the affair and will pick right back up after a dday and roll with it. Smh. It was horrible but right here on LS I see many of these "perfect side chicks". I have seen OW come here saying they would never never betray their MM and pretty much go to bat saying they would lie to the wife if needed, they would never answer any questions and I have witnessed them speaking to other OW, who aren't as "loyal" with scorn saying things like "Well clearly you don't love your MM like I do...or you'd never do that!" It's twisted to me...and just another way women will allow themselves to be used for the sake of men getting the royal treatment smh. As sadly, most of these men will and do throw the OW under the bus without a moment's notice, yet the OW sit around pledging allegiance. I had his house number, address, his friends' numbers etc. But they didn't live together. I did call him once while she was spending the weekend and she picked up...awkward. I was forwarded emails a few times with her email address in it. I do believe he trusted me and it worked for him as I never did do anything crazy with the information. I wouldn't have. However, I wasn't "loyal to a fault." If she sought me out I would have probably been honest. But I wouldn't have gone out of my way to force a dday or anything of that nature and he knew I wouldn't. Like any R, people feel each other out and have a fair idea of what they would and wouldn't do and apply trust based on that. Sometimes it back fires but generally it works. It's not about being special...but pragmatic. Edited February 22, 2013 by MissBee 4
Eponine Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 oeps i wasnt talking to you but my post was so powerful to hit a nerve? lol............ maybe cause you have the same issue:confused::confused::D:D:D Haha, no, just found it strange you thought it necessary to be the posting police. I mean she is posting in the appropriate place for other men/women, and she is gaining perspective by doing so, I'm not sure why she should be told to do something else.
Eponine Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 But...........what value does that really have? I would think very little. It doesn't mean that you could be there for him if he had a serious illness and was in the hospital. It doesn't mean that if you were taken to the emergency room because of an accident or illness that he could be there for you. Even though you have that "stuff".........it means so little in the great scheme of things but you and others..........it clearly makes you feel like you are a part of his life, that you count, that you are included but any ow ought to carefully think about how little value info like that really has and again.........address, home phones, ect.........a few clicks and you have that info for a very cheap price on the internet. You're right, I could be Creepy McCreeperson and find all of it myself, but I wouldn't and didn't have to. He actually was the one who arranged his schedule to take me in for knee surgery, hang out and then take me home and get me set-up. We live close enough that he is able to do some things for me that I don't hear about all MM doing. Then again, we've been working on a plan to be together for 9 months now and we are only a few months (2-3) from making it happen.
wisernow Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 You're right, I could be Creepy McCreeperson and find all of it myself, but I wouldn't and didn't have to. He actually was the one who arranged his schedule to take me in for knee surgery, hang out and then take me home and get me set-up. We live close enough that he is able to do some things for me that I don't hear about all MM doing. Then again, we've been working on a plan to be together for 9 months now and we are only a few months (2-3) from making it happen. That sounds like a 48 hours mystery program. :eek:
Eponine Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 That sounds like a 48 hours mystery program. :eek: Nothing like that. He was planning his exit strategy before I met him. He decided to up the timeline from his original plan. He's figuring out finances and living arrangements. Talking with his lawyer about custody and the logistics.
wisernow Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 (edited) Nothing like that. He was planning his exit strategy before I met him. He decided to up the timeline from his original plan. He's figuring out finances and living arrangements. Talking with his lawyer about custody and the logistics. So he's been "talking" with a lawyer for 9 months? More than likely he's stringing you along. Talking and filing are two very different things, and talk is cheap. So as not to further T/J Stevie's thread, why not start one of your one of your own and share your story. Edited February 22, 2013 by wisernow
wisernow Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Aww. I remember those good ole days. Mr. Messy and his OW planned for a while too. Even how much to spend on my child's first car. I blew that shiggity out of the water. Nice! I hope you got photos!!!:laugh:
skylarblue Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 xMM said he trusted me from the beginning, but he's so full of it. He didn't trust me for sh*t. For 3yrs, I had no way of contacting him other than going by his job and/or leaving a signal on his car that I've been there (if I wasn't able to discreetly make contact). Otherwise, I'd have to wait for him to call me (he had my home#) which he would do regularly, but only from a pay phone or blocked number. He also never mentioned his W or family, and for those first 3 yrs all I knew was that they had at least one infant-aged child (only because i heard a conversation about the baby). After 3yrs, he gave me his pager#. A hurricane was coming and he wanted to be sure that I was okay or if i needed anything afterwards. It was also around this time that he let me know where he lived and allowed me to visit. However, he still lied about his W's name (I knew immediately he was lying by the way he stammered over her name). I think xMM gave me his cell# after 4yrs (when he no longer had to carry the pager for work). He never gave me his home#. He knew I had it (he's called me by accident from his home line), but told me to never use it or save the # in my phone (he was afraid I'd accidentally call it). I don't think xMM really trusted me until year 5 (around or after the time I got pregnant). Still, I never felt like he trusted me 100%. I mentioned this to him before because it seemed like although he was taking these huge risks of being caught by his W (physically or by evidence) or spotted by neighbors who could tell his W, he seemed reluctant to do things that would leave me with tangible evidence (little things like having one of his t-shirts to sleep in or a pic of him alone or with me). Eventually, he'd do these things, saying it had nothing to do with trust, he just didn't think about it or know how much it meant to me, but I know he only did it when he had to (like a please-change-your-mind-about-leaving-me, damage control kind of move). He says he's not afraid of me ever telling the W, feeling if I was going to I would have done so already (although I nearly called once out of distress and distraught, not sure if I'd really have dialed but I couldn't have come any closer to). I still think there's doubt even though it may be 99.99% trust, it's still not 100% and I guess I can understand that, but I really am loyal to him and I always have been and will be in that aspect.
spice4life Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 xMM said he trusted me from the beginning, but he's so full of it. He didn't trust me for sh*t. For 3yrs, I had no way of contacting him other than going by his job and/or leaving a signal on his car that I've been there (if I wasn't able to discreetly make contact). Otherwise, I'd have to wait for him to call me (he had my home#) which he would do regularly, but only from a pay phone or blocked number. He also never mentioned his W or family, and for those first 3 yrs all I knew was that they had at least one infant-aged child (only because i heard a conversation about the baby). After 3yrs, he gave me his pager#. A hurricane was coming and he wanted to be sure that I was okay or if i needed anything afterwards. It was also around this time that he let me know where he lived and allowed me to visit. However, he still lied about his W's name (I knew immediately he was lying by the way he stammered over her name). I think xMM gave me his cell# after 4yrs (when he no longer had to carry the pager for work). He never gave me his home#. He knew I had it (he's called me by accident from his home line), but told me to never use it or save the # in my phone (he was afraid I'd accidentally call it). I don't think xMM really trusted me until year 5 (around or after the time I got pregnant). Still, I never felt like he trusted me 100%. I mentioned this to him before because it seemed like although he was taking these huge risks of being caught by his W (physically or by evidence) or spotted by neighbors who could tell his W, he seemed reluctant to do things that would leave me with tangible evidence (little things like having one of his t-shirts to sleep in or a pic of him alone or with me). Eventually, he'd do these things, saying it had nothing to do with trust, he just didn't think about it or know how much it meant to me, but I know he only did it when he had to (like a please-change-your-mind-about-leaving-me, damage control kind of move). He says he's not afraid of me ever telling the W, feeling if I was going to I would have done so already (although I nearly called once out of distress and distraught, not sure if I'd really have dialed but I couldn't have come any closer to). I still think there's doubt even though it may be 99.99% trust, it's still not 100% and I guess I can understand that, but I really am loyal to him and I always have been and will be in that aspect. Wow, Skylar. You're still with this guy? Trust or no trust, you seriously had no way of contacting him for three years?..except to go by his work or leave a signal on his car? You are waaaay too deep in the affair fog my friend.
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