M30USA Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 (edited) I've posted my story on LS elsewhere. At this point I think I've lost the basic interest most people have in dating and relationships. When I envision my future, I can't say (as I used to) that I want to be married with the typical lifestyle, etc. I think I realized this at work today when I found myself flirting with this girl and she pretty much asked me if I was going out to happy hour. The truth is that I am able to flirt succesfully now because I truly don't give a rat's ars anymore. But that's the thing. I truly DON'T care. I don't want a relationship. I don't even want to go out on dates. So it's kind of a paradox here. Does this make any sense? I need some feedback. Edited February 22, 2013 by M30USA
Gunny376 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I'm sitting her my man ~ literally laughing my azz off! Yea! It makes perfectd sense! I reached the point to where? I was like old Rhett Butler! "Frankly my Dear! I don't give a damn!" I had been used, abused, (Fill in the blank________________) by women so much! I got divorced when I was 33. I shacked up with another one for about six and half. Intuitively I made the move back to my home state once I retired from the Corps. I had some things on my mind, somethings that weren't just adding up. I went back on the "back forty' with nothing but a half gallon of whiskey, an old dog and fire pit. Did myself something thinking I did. Everything was fine as rain, in so long as it was all about her job, her career, her mother, her grandmother, her son, her brother, her sister, her aunts and uncles, her friends, her, her, her, her, her.............................. (Just fill in the___________________in so long as it starts with her!) I broke up with her ~ but made it so that she broke up with me, (I became an A-No# 1 AZZHOLE!) I'm not very good at hurting people's feelings and making them feel bad. So I gave her a reason(s) to break it off with me. I dated ~ gradually over time? I came to the realization that most women? They're simply not worth the investment of time, effort, energy, and money to get what little (mostly just sex) I get out of it ~ that is per the amount of crap you've got to go through, put up with, deal with, and sometimes even choke down on! I pretty much gave up on the whole dating, mating, marriage, relationship deal. Then I meet Mrs Gunny ~ at first I was just trying to help someone out that I had meet through a Marine website. I won't go into the whole long drawed out details of it? But she set her sites on me from the get-go. I fought her off for eight years. "No I'm never getting married again!" I'm with her because she compliments me. She and I work together. I function with her and she with I. I compliment her, and it is the enitity of "US" that the two of us together makes this marriage work. We're not the ideal nor perfect couple your going to see them making a movie about on "Lifetime" And there's things about me that she doesn't like about me. But she's patient with me and is working slowly, surely, patiently, with love on getting me to change ~ not because she wants me to change ~ but because she wants to keep me around for a long, long time. She's pretty open to most of my ideas ~ (OK she scracthed the idea about moving to Mexico or the Phillippines But I think I could have sold her on it if weren't for the grandkids!) Its easy to find someone that's your crazy about ~ that you're in love with. But its an all day Mother ~ trucker to find yourself someone that's crazy about you and that's in love with you! That's truly something hard to find ~ to find someone that's going to put up with you, your crazy BS, your ways, your short-comings, your hair brained ideas about things! Your rantings and ravings about this, that and the other! That's All Day Hard! But when you do? Whatever you do! Don't screw it up! And its been my personal experience? That you'll find it and them when you quit looking for it? And when you re-define what your looking for? When what they've got between their ears is more important than what they've got between their legs. I guess my 74 year old Mother put it best when she told me "You finally decieded to find yourself a partner in Life, to live Life with, to share Life with, than just a piece of tail to sleep with!" (Mama is a Texas gal and calls it like she see's it! )
Author M30USA Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Gunny, did you have children with your first wife?
Author M30USA Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Yes a DD32 ~ DS29 So how did your custody situation work with you moving back to your home state?
Gunny376 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 (edited) So how did your custody situation work with you moving back to your home state? Not such an easy question for me to answer because I was career military. There were a lot of variables to my equation that don't fit into your typical 'civilian" equation. For me to give you a good and proper answer? I would have to go blow-by-blow of any and everything that went on from 1988 to date? The "Cliff Note Version would include: My deployment to the First Gulf War when Saddam invaded Kuwait My being deployed more my last four years in the Marine Corps than all of the other 16 combined. (Honduras, Peru, Cuba X 3, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Rwanda, Hurricane Andrew relief, and a couple of other places that I've sworn not to talk about until 99 years after my 99th birthday ) Not having access to information that available through the Internet today ~ such as this forum ~ Love Shack, (an invaluable service btw) Not understanding such mental and emotional issues such as ~ Being institutionalized (Me) ~ Narcisstic Personality Disorder (The XHEX) ~ Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ~ Delayed Stress Disorder ~ Parential Alienation (The XHEX) ~ Depression I was pretty much fine in so long as I was still in the Corps. That was my comfort zone. To most civilans it would be Hell, hate and discontent. They would be running around screaming and shouting in circles with their hands in the air? To me? That was my "norm" Disorder, confunsion and chaos was my norm! It all came a hauntin' when I retired? I've had one hell of a time re-adjusting to civilian life? The short answer is I 'mending things" with my DD, my son and I are enstranged for no other reason than his Mother's need to play one-up-manship since he was six (and I was gone in the Corps) The DD see's and knows her Mother for what she is. To a degree. Not so with the DS? But I'm kinda ~ sorta of OK with that? Because from the on set I was determined to take on any and all ~ the blunt of the hardship ~ as I saw it at the time? Upon myself. I gave the XHEX custody of the kids, (Mr. Gunny? What do you do for a living? Where have you been the last year? When do you expect to be suddenly deployed again? If you get custody of the kids what will you do with them? Where will you send them?) I took all of the bills from the marriage to include her car payment. I gave her everything from a twelve year marriage except an aritifical fern, a wooden clothes hamper and magaze rack that I had made myself and a wicker shelf. (And she bitched because I kept that! ) I gave her the right to claim the kids for taxes. I paid $900 a month child support. And I'm still the sorry SOB! She? She gave up her 'rights" to any entitlement to my military retirement which under state law at the time? She wasn't entitled to anyway! Woohoo! But in the end? My kids had a good life? Had a good childhood! Have a good life. Materially, educationally, etc They just don't have me in their day-to-day lives. They call another man "Daddy. I don't ever hear from them. My one and only grandson doesn't know me? He's no prize himself. Because of the XHEX he gave up not only sole custody and legal custody of his one and only son? He gave up his parential rights so he wouldn't have to pay child support to a Mother that had abandoned him since birth. Being career military has its own unique problems when it comes to 'custody" children and divorce. I had a buddy of mine that went through the almost same idenitical thing I did. But he played it smart, moved into the Staff NCO barracks, (Think living out of a motel room ~ same difference) went to work, went to gym, didn't get a steady GF? Went to Ohio every chance he could get ~ even if it meant driving 14 or more hours from Camp Lejuene NC to Ohio. Spent all of his leave (vacation time) going to where his kids were to see them and spend as much time as he could. Even though it meant living out of a motel room! THe XHEX remarried. The XHEX gets killed in a car accident and the step daddy sues him for custody ~ because he's been more of a Daddy to his own kids than he has because he's a career Marine? He finally gets custody? But it cost him something like 34 ~ 35K to get it! And when he does? He's starting over from scratch going to Goodwill, the Salvation Army, yard sales to furnish a home because the SOB step-daddy gets everything from the marriage from the XHEX. Wouldn't even give up the kids bedroom suites, clothes, toys, zilch, nothing! Just a differnt level of Hell than the one your going through! Kris Kristofferson is a awesome guy. Movie star ~ starred with Barbara Strenstain, others Songwriter of course Singer But he was also the son of an Air Force General. His brother was a Naval Fighter Pilot in Vietnam Kris wasn't any lightweight himself! He was in the Army, A commissioned officer An Army Helicopter pilot An Army Ranger Repeatedly turned down offers to become a Green Beret ~ Special Forces. Made Captain in the Army Airborne ~ Jump Master Rhodes Scholar ~ selected among billions to atted Rhodes University in England on a full scholarship. Penned "Me and Bobby McGee" & "Sunday Morning Coming Down", "Take The Ribbion From My Hair" among many others! A member of the band "The Highwaymen" with such ledgenary greats as Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, and Johnny Cash! Appointed to be an instructor at West Point Military Academy! Yet? The single thing I most admire about him? Was a single quote~ "My GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT IN LIFE? EASY! MY CHILDREN!" Edited February 23, 2013 by Gunny376
Soxfaninfl Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 I've posted my story on LS elsewhere. At this point I think I've lost the basic interest most people have in dating and relationships. When I envision my future, I can't say (as I used to) that I want to be married with the typical lifestyle, etc. I think I realized this at work today when I found myself flirting with this girl and she pretty much asked me if I was going out to happy hour. The truth is that I am able to flirt succesfully now because I truly don't give a rat's ars anymore. But that's the thing. I truly DON'T care. I don't want a relationship. I don't even want to go out on dates. So it's kind of a paradox here. Does this make any sense? I need some feedback. For me I started to date a moth after my divorce had been final. We separated in March of 2010 and it was final September 2011. I wanted companionship. I felt lonely since I had been separated for a year and a half.
Author M30USA Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Wow, Gunny, that's a long story. The only thing I disagree with is how your children's step-dad call him "daddy". Even if I saw my children once every blue moon, you can bet I would DRILL IT INTO THEIR HEADS that they only have ONE FATHER. Unless I was making a less than 100% effort to see my kids every opportunity and do the best I can within the given circumstance, there is NO WAY I'd be letting another man get called daddy. Sorry.
Mystery2Me Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Hey M30USA! I am now a member to this lack of interst club, but in my view it's normal. If you were committed to the marriage, even as it fell apart, how would you have the where with all to seamlessly shift to different world of dating. Also being single after divorce is completely different than just being single...we've got some bumps and bruises to heal. And then there's rare species of women like me, who courted, dated, and married....the same man! I must admit dataing after 15 yrs of marriage, scares the hell of of me. As I observed during marriage, how de-valuing relationships have become....especially at the courting/chasing stage. I'm mean even if the relationship is casual respect should not be ignored. But it's not all bad, as recently I've been asked in the most lovely way by a few handsome gentlemen. I'm not ready for that yet...but at least there's a glimmer of hope. ~Cheers, Mystery!
Author M30USA Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Hey M30USA! I am now a member to this lack of interst club, but in my view it's normal. If you were committed to the marriage, even as it fell apart, how would you have the where with all to seamlessly shift to different world of dating. Also being single after divorce is completely different than just being single...we've got some bumps and bruises to heal. And then there's rare species of women like me, who courted, dated, and married....the same man! I must admit dataing after 15 yrs of marriage, scares the hell of of me. As I observed during marriage, how de-valuing relationships have become....especially at the courting/chasing stage. I'm mean even if the relationship is casual respect should not be ignored. But it's not all bad, as recently I've been asked in the most lovely way by a few handsome gentlemen. I'm not ready for that yet...but at least there's a glimmer of hope. ~Cheers, Mystery! So you married the "same man"? As in divorced, then remarried?
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