Ggirl88 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 It's been about 7 months and I still think of my ex boyfriend. We dated for two and a half years on and off. Getting back together because he promised he changed. The last breakup he said he wasn't in love with me anymore. I have dated other guys in the past just as long and have never dwelled like this time. The only time we had contact was about a month ago when his uncle passed away and he texted me was to let me know and to give me wake details. Why am I still thinking of him after all this time. This was the worst passionate relationship good and bad. Why can't I move on? Please help. I try to date other men but I don't allow them to get close enough to build anything with them. I'm 24 years old.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Simple answer: You loved him, and it will take time, much more time than any month or two. Complicated answer: You have to make yourself feel better. How? By going out and living life. By forcing any negative thoughts out of your head, and realizing you are above and beyond this pain. That the choice to end it was made. That this is for the better, as it allows you to find someone who will love you indeed. This part comes from time, and realization. Atm, you are not able to realize this. Even if you think you do, your heart isn't at that level yet. Furthuremore, you should not be talking or texting or looking him up or any such thing. NC, if you talk to him, it will keep it alive longer. Although, the pain may seem longer, it isn't actually longer by not talking to him... 2
stevie_23 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I agree with Todd, above. I also wonder if maybe it's because of the up & down relationship you had with your ex (you mentioned it was the "worst" passionate relationship you'd ever had, and that you were on and off for 2.5 years), you have trouble really and truly getting over it because you've been on a bit of a roller coaster throughout the relationship and got used to that somewhat. You also mentioned you hoped he'd change...and so...the reason you were up and down during your relationship was at least partly related to him? And so you were living perhaps somewhat unhappily for a while in the relationship, unsure of whether to really end it or not, and living in hope of things / him changing so it'd be what you wanted and needed in him and the relationship? This in itself can lead to issues letting go of the hope and what could have been or should have been after it's over, and then you add to that the fact the final end really did come when HE decided it. He said he wasn't in love with you anymore. That's hard to hear, so very hard, and on top of that you had this whole thing of trying to make it work before, hoping he'd change and things would be happier... I'm not suprised you're not really over him yet. 7 months isn't THAT long, depending on how much has happened in your life since it ended. If nothing much changed for you and your life is much the same, except for him, it can be hard to be in a very different place even 7 months later, you know? 1
Kengne Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 You're already 7 months in and able to go at least a month (if not more) with NC. You're going to make it to the morning light. You didn't fall in love with him overnight and the feelings won't fade overnight. As a general rule of thumb - I heard it takes 1/2 the time of the actual relationship to truly be over one's ex. So you have a good several months to go I'd continue to do what you are doing as far as NC - if you're not ready to date seriously, then don't. Eventually your feelings/emotions will fade - it always does.
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