when do I truely let go

[GuttedandBroken]

Well, our relationship spanned for a little over 2 years now. We both came from failed relationships and

it seemed like we could actually hit it off. I was married once, she had been married twice and has a

daughter (10 yrs) from her second marriage. We decided to move in together after a few months

(we were together every day), got engaged, and eventually bought a house together. She made the

down payment on the home and, with my bad credit, had it placed in her name. I. of course, held up

my end of required moneys and we split all bills down the middle. Oh yea, we're both mid 30's.

 

 

I guess after a bit of time (even before we got our home) things kinda started winding down. Little

disputes and smart remarks came and went. But it all seemed to go with the territory of having a

relationship. sometimes people vent things onto each other. I even threatened to give up at one point,

but she wanted to work it out (actually so did I). Then we found our home. Moved in. Fixed it all up.

Then it happened again. I threatened to move out. Why? It sometimes seemed as though she wasn't

fully there for me. I mean, there is a child involved that desires attention. But she seemed distant at

times. I guess I was testing the water kinda, but never really wanted to go. We, once again, made up.

 

 

Towards the end, I remember saying "I love you". She replied the same, but it didnt seem right. She

kinda looked down or away while saying it. So there it was. At this point I had to know. So I said

"should I go". She said we should take a break. Now dont get me wrong, we shared a lot of great

moments together, although at this point she fails to remember them. I managed to hang on for about

a month as a close friend (cutting grass, watching the child, etc...), but as she stated "the spark is

missing". So I moved back to my old place, with alot of items still at the house.

 

 

Another month had passed and I still kept in contact with her. We even went out a few times. Movies,

dinner, breakfast, dancing. The just friends thing. But over the past weekend I went away to an all

day concert. Her friend called her and they went out. When I got back in town I called her. She wasn't

home and didn't get home until early the next morning. I was kinda upset. She wouldnt tell me where

she had gone because she didn't feel she had to. Only that she didn't do anything wrong. Well, I

decided maybe I should just totally get away and I'm in the process of storing whats left into a storage

vacility. Just to break all contact with her. Which is really hard. I still love her. I've tried to show her

that I've been wrong and that I've changed my ways. Which I truely believe I have. I miss what I

had with our family and would do anything to get a second chance. A real second chance at starting

anew.

 

 

Its been a few days and we still have to get together to pack and remove whats left. I try my to

keep a cool spirit about everything but its quite a challange. Do you think I shoud keep this course

and totally retract from her life. Move on. Should I keep the belief that she might come to her senses

and want me back. Is there a way I could win her back. Should I just give up? This really sucks.

[Breathe]

Go for what you want and work HARD to get it. If it fails, at least you know you tried and gave it your all. You won't be looking back wondering what might have been had you done this or that.

[GuttedandBroken]

Thanks Breathe. I think Ive tried pretty much all that I can. Would removing myself completely at this stage help. Then possibly contact her after a cooling off period (say a month or so). Or should I occasionaly be friendly. I'm not sure if she's so used to me being around that if I was gone she'd really miss me. Well, I have to contact her tonight about arrangements for this weekend. I'll be cool and try not to seem desperate. I have many times before tried to change her mind. Just not sure how I should come across in a way that would benifit my situation. Should I still say "I'll always be there for you, no matter what", or just "see ya!".

[Bender donetat]

My advice is to sit her down, say exactly how you feel one last time and then let her know that she has your number........dont get desperate just explain how you feel and explain how your going to bow out since she doesnt want you around anymore.......

 

My opinion.......She screwed some guy last weekend when she didnt come home, she used you to get set up in a new home thats fixed up, and no longer needs you in anyway since shes over the rebound stage of the last relationship.........sorry this sounds so harsh but reality is a biotch!

[GuttedandBroken]

Thanks for the advise. Im kinda following that now, but cant truely bow out until I'm completely gone. The moving of personal items requires a little bit of time in my case. We both have to be there, timing, convienences. She doesnt seem to mind this. And she also doesnt seem to mind me keeping the mailing adress. She has stated a little bit ago, about how she feels secure with me around. I know she taking advantage of my friendship. Kinda like a fall guy. But, what the @#$*! I do love her. Its not that she doesnt want me around. Its that the spark is gone. Her last relationships before me werent really stable (her marriage ended about 2-3 yrs before we got together). And we both wanted the house (although, I got the crappy end of the stick!). I believe her when she says she didnt do anything, but I believe its possible she met somebody and will be screwing somebody eventually. But, after its all said and done, I'll still love her. I think I'm better than anyone she'll ever meet. But that also doesnt mean I wont go on living my life as well. There are more fish in the sea, and I'll be testing waters as well. But I'll still want her back. So, I guess Im trying to bow out gracefully, but still keep it cool. Its really tough.