elizadoolittle Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Hi everyone, New around these parts but so lost and don't know what to do so looking for any kind of help or advice really. Recently met a guy at work, we hit it off as friends but got drunk a few times, he admitted his feelings for me and I wasn't averse to the idea of seeing him for a bit. So we started dating around Christmas time on what I thought was a pretty casual basis. He's been calling me his girlfriend since just after Christmas to anyone who asks, and even sent me a text saying he's "decided" we're in a relationship. Stupidly, guided by my own belief that I need to be more spontaneous and overthink less judging by the lack of success with my previous relationships, went along with this. But recently my depression (suffering since my teenage years badly) has hit an all time low. He is smothering me, wants to talk to me every single day and if I don't reply to a text or answer a call I get bombarded with messages asking why. At work he sent me four emails asking why I was ignoring him because I didn't reply to a simple "How are you?" email within two hours. I was in a meeting with my boss for those two hours and physically was unable to do it. But more and more I've been noticing that we have NOTHING in common. We hate each other's taste in music, he hates films and I love them, he loves sports and I don't, he uses drugs and drinks to excess which I despise and have told him so, he's really clingy and I'm really not. When we have conversations we have even admitted to each other that we end up dragging small talk out because there is nothing else to talk about. He keeps telling me he loves me even when I've said it makes me uncomfortable because there's no way he does. He said it and continues to say it after just two weeks together. I've stopped replying to his texts and emails this week and have refused to see him because part of me thinks a little time not talking will make him realise he doesn't need to speak to me constantly and tell me about every tiny facet of his life. He said he understood when I said I wanted some space and then persisted in sending me texts, calling me, turning up at my office unannounced... I don't want to upset him because he is a genuinely lovely person and I make him happy but I don't think I can go on like it anymore, it's making me feel terrible and trapped... and I'm pretty sure none of this is normal. It's been less than two months for crying out loud. On the other hand part of me thinks I should stick it out a bit longer and see if it improves, see if this is just me seeing things through the depression. I just don't know what to do... any advice? (Apologies for the essay!!!)
clia Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Break up with him. You should be in the honeymoon phase right now and over the moon for him. You are not compatible. Break up with him. It's okay! Life is too short to be miserable.
iKING Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Hate to say it, but I agree with the poster above. If sparks were going to be flyin' they probably would've by now. The situation sounds pretty one-sided. He's being clingy as all get out and you sound pretty indifferent. It's hard to force feelings for someone. My suggestion would be to re-casual up the relationship if you want to give it some time and are unsure of what you want. It sounds like there's very little chemistry between you two on an intellectual level which isn't very much fun. Option two would be to break it off entirely. Drugs tend to throw rationality out the window and leaves an individual thirsting for affection, sometimes to a poor degree. Humans tend to constantly cling to others when they don't understand themselves and their self-worth, It's easier to pay attention to others instead of looking inward. A friend of mine once said "I am my own best friend, and my own worst enemy". Get some distance and see what happens, he needs to focus on him and you need to focus on you, depression is not something that other's can fix for you most of the time.
MsSmurf Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I agree with the others that it is time for you to end this relationship because just reading about it made me exhausted. I can't imagine being in your shoes. However you two work together, so whatever you say when you end things do your best to be clear without resorting to insults or anything else that might be messy. You don't want to make the work place hostile or uncomfortable for either of you.
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