Mount Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) I knew over 8 months I have mentioned the "ending" a few times but we have not really. As Pierre said it can go on and off at least a couple times before I walk away or MM walked away but again I choose to maintain the A anyway. It was going on well most the time but over the time I would pick the fight with MM based on the thing that I don't trust him...etc. And the MM says he is not 100% certain about us. Recently I think I am pushing too hard asking him make choice soon, not to everyone's surprise, the MM uses this kind of "he wants to give marriage another chance...etc" speech. So we decide to take a break from A again this time. Although I have been having dates with one single gentlemen since last few weeks, my heart is not totally there and I am sure everyone knows what I mean and how I feel. Just want to vent here, guess no one is to blame or being victim, just it is what it is. Edited February 21, 2013 by Mount
Pierre Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I knew over 8 months I have mentioned the "ending" a few times but we have not really. As Pierre said it can go on and off at least a couple times before I walk away or MM walked away but again I choose to maintain the A anyway. It was going on well most the time but over the time I would pick the fight with MM based on the thing that I don't trust him...etc. And the MM says he is not 100% certain about us. Recently I think I am pushing too hard asking him make choice soon, not to everyone's surprise, the MM uses this kind of "he wants to give marriage another chance...etc" speech. So we decide to take a break from A again this time. Although I have been having dates with one single gentlemen since last few weeks, my heart is not totally there and I am sure everyone knows what I mean and how I feel. Just want to vent here, guess no one is to blame or being victim, just it is what it is. Up dpwn up down up down Same old Typical Routine stuff What else is new Good luck!!!!! 4
Author Mount Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) I knew right.....:confused: Since I have been dating a gentleman a couple times and I DO want to take it seriously, however MM is fulfilling my whole mind, how do I get rid of him from my mind. But still - breakup is hard for me and especially right now that single gentleman is chasing hard and I SO WISH he is the MM, but the painful reality is he is not. :( Up dpwn up down up down Same old Typical Routine stuff What else is new Good luck!!!!! Edited February 22, 2013 by Mount
Author Mount Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 It is painful to break up with MM and move on with my life. So hard.
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Mount, I recall you saying that you aren't really in love with your MM. Feelings yes, but not "in love". Why would he divorce and be with you if you really aren't wanting a life with him? He must feel this too... And, the trust issues you have. Affair dynamic. Anyway, glad that you're ending things. Don't go rushing off to date others, you're not ready. Just be on your own, be with friends, family and keep busy. Enjoy life. As for your (ex)MM, he's fine with the A as it is , so it seems..
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 It is painful to break up with MM and move on with my life. So hard. It is and will be for a while. Tell this new guy that you're fresh out of break up and can't handle anything right now. He likes you and the last thing you need to deal with is a man falling for you when you're not at all into him. Adding another guy to this mix will mix you up more! Just grieve the loss and TELL yourself the A is over and it's final this time. Otherwise in 2 weeks or 2 months you're gonna go back and re start things. Life is precious, don't waste it on someone who is already married. 1
Pierre Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I knew right.....:confused: Since I have been dating a gentleman a couple times and I DO want to take it seriously, however MM is fulfilling my whole mind, how do I get rid of him from my mind. But still - breakup is hard for me and especially right now that single gentleman is chasing hard and I SO WISH he is the MM, but the painful reality is he is not. :( Why do so many women date when they are not ready to date? What is the point of dating a man if your heart is somewhere? It seems a common practice among insecure ladies. 2
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Why do so many women date when they are not ready to date? What is the point of dating a man if your heart is somewhere? It seems a common practice among insecure ladies. Hmm, some men do the same thing, except it's about sex. 2
Author Mount Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 WWI, you might be right, I am behaving immaturely, like the MM is my favorite toy right now so I have to "HAVE" it. I think the MM is rational than me at this moment, and yes he seems to be fine with ongoing affair as it is, but my keep wanting more and urge him to make choice make him retreat again. Mount, I recall you saying that you aren't really in love with your MM. Feelings yes, but not "in love". Why would he divorce and be with you if you really aren't wanting a life with him? He must feel this too... And, the trust issues you have. Affair dynamic. Anyway, glad that you're ending things. Don't go rushing off to date others, you're not ready. Just be on your own, be with friends, family and keep busy. Enjoy life. As for your (ex)MM, he's fine with the A as it is , so it seems..
Sarabi Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 It is painful to break up with MM and move on with my life. So hard. Sorry to hear that Mine "retreated" last thursday (Valentine's Day!). I guess I spent so much time pushing him away that perhaps he couldn't take it anymore and after I sent a bit of a snitty text and he replied and I didn't bother responding, I heard nothing. Not a peep. So far, I have not broken the silence and sent any messages, emails or otherwise. I admit I am thinking about him too much...wondering if he thinks of me, if he and his family are alright...contemplating contacting him etc. It drives me mad you know. I really want him to be happy but at the same time I hate thinking about him and what he may or may not be up to without me. Sometimes I want to slap myself for wasting my time, energy and neurones on any brain activity related to this man... honestly.
Sarabi Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 As for the bit about dating someone else...for myself honestly. I really hate this single status of mine. But I do not want to be with anybody right now...or perhaps even for the forseeable future. 1) I need to get over all this nonsense with this man that dragged itself from the ar*e end of 2012 into the new year 2) I need to get over all my "issues" or at least work harder on overcoming/understanding them than I have over the past few years 3) The type of men who give me attention are cr*p and as my friend says, not the calibre of man you should be attracting(mostly because of what is going on in my head) 4) I don't want to rebound or take anything for the sake of having someone 5) I don't honestly feel ready for "love"(meh...too many reasons to list) 6) I really need peace and quiet to do the things I want to do and not someone getting on my nerves or demanding my attention(!) You should listen to Pierre lol. I took his advice (kinda)... I am in therapy (that started before I was posting on here) and my thing is (what I assume to be) over.
Pierre Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 3) The type of men who give me attention are cr*p and as my friend says, not the calibre of man you should be attracting(mostly because of what is going on in my head) The answer is simple. You want external validation. No one provides external validation as well as a player or a cheater. So the two of you attract each other. You get the validation you crave from the player cheater and in turn the cheater gets validation because you react in a positive manner. It is a marriage made in heaven. Women that don't need validation don't pay any attention to these type of men and they can see the BS right away. 1
Author Mount Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 No one knows about it. Why? What do your friends think of MM?
2sunny Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Mount - you really do deserve better than the half a$$ed relationship he pretends to have with you. I hope you know - deep down - you deserve the best. He can't give you what you want. He can only offer what works for him, hence the nudging you back to a place that makes you expect less than you deserve. Never settle! Any communication with him further only allows him to treat you less and less deserving. 2
Author Mount Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 2sunny, yes I know all along. I deserve a single gentleman 100% belonging to me and care about me, in face right now in the scene there is one, chasing me hard. Asking me out for fancy dinners 3times a week (why guys like to treat meals - separate topic anway, it will make ladies fat, especially dinners)...etc Anyway, back to topic, my feeling/heart deeply thinks of MM all the time, so it is so painful that I am trying my best to put on happy face going out with the single guy. I SO wish that guy is MM. Again, break up with MM is hard, not easy. Mount - you really do deserve better than the half a$$ed relationship he pretends to have with you. I hope you know - deep down - you deserve the best. He can't give you what you want. He can only offer what works for him, hence the nudging you back to a place that makes you expect less than you deserve. Never settle! Any communication with him further only allows him to treat you less and less deserving.
2sunny Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 The best way to stop thinking of MM is to create distance and silence - so that you can mend. Can you see a counselor to learn why you settled for so little - and to learn not to do that to yourself again? 1
Author Mount Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 What is the question behind your visible question? Your friends don't know about MM?
Author Mount Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 I can not control my feeling (emotion), or maybe he is not mine, which makes me to want him more? I know it is absolutely immature, but I really don't have passion or feeling for previous single guys I have dated. The best way to stop thinking of MM is to create distance and silence - so that you can mend. Can you see a counselor to learn why you settled for so little - and to learn not to do that to yourself again?
2sunny Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Your friends don't know about MM? Why is it so important to you that her friends know/don't know?
Author Mount Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Exactly. Why? BTW, 2sunny, as I have not on LS for a while (busy in all areas anyway), how you are doing? Things well? Also before this break-up, I thought (guess I am wrong), me and MM were heading to the right direction, guess not. Why is it so important to you that her friends know/don't know?
2sunny Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I can not control my feeling (emotion), or maybe he is not mine, which makes me to want him more? I know it is absolutely immature, but I really don't have passion or feeling for previous single guys I have dated. Mount - a secret enticing affair will never feel the same as openly dating an available guy. Apples and oranges. But give yourself time away from cheater MM long enough to see his antics for his own self serving reasons to stay cheating... Then - he may not look so inviting. He's a liar and he cheats! When it's the right available guy - it will just seem easy to have authentic feelings for him. Please seek counseling - you need help understanding why you chose this to begin with. Then you need to get to the other side.
2sunny Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Exactly. Why? BTW, 2sunny, as I have not on LS for a while (busy in all areas anyway), how you are doing? Things well? Also before this break-up, I thought (guess I am wrong), me and MM were heading to the right direction, guess not. Honey, MM lie! Ahahaha, they do - its just what they're programmed to do to get whatever they want - at the cost of hurting many! I'm good Mount, really good, thanks for asking. Life's never been so good!!!
Catplates Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Hi Mount, The coming and going thing can last for a long time. I had an18month break with xMM then reunited. That was the last time though. He always knew he could contact me on FB or my email before. I have blocked him on both. I refuse to change my phone numbers and he knows I will just hang up on him if he phones. The last time I said goodbye, it was quite a different feeling. I had really grown weary of all the drama and effort it took to be in and A. It took me 4 and a half years to get to this point. I knew I no longer wished to participate in it now, or ever again. As for dating, while there was a possibilty of being with xMM again, my heart was not there. I also felt it was not fair to anybody while I was still emotionally attached to xMM. YOu are not done yet Mount. You have to sever all hopes and ties and never look back. Then give yourself some time before you engage in any dating activities. I seemed to have a switch in my brain the turned off xMM. It was a mind set that I had to get to. All the best, Cat.
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