Kaza Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 It's the second time we broke up and for the same reason too. He still tells me he is unsure and he enjoys some of our time together and others he rather be by himself. Sometimes he will spend time with me because he doesn't want to disappoint me and then not really enjoy it. I still see plenty of ways to solve our problems but when I asked him if he wants to be in a relationship, and he said he thinks he shouldn't be in one. So I said I think if that's the case, you should just go. I think I made the right decision, but this sucks
iouaname Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I'm sorry, hon I know the situation too well. Stay strong! We're all here for you
Author Kaza Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Thank you It's bad because I see him at work, and it will be hard to avoid.
Author Kaza Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 He says he doesn't look forward to seeing me, and he is neutral about some of the time we spend together. I don't get it at all. We always have fun and enjoy ourselves. He says I make him happy. Then he says he doesn't feel 'in love'. Does he just need lots and lots of space?
iouaname Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Who cares what he needs. He will worry about what he needs. You focus on what YOU need. Do you need space from him? Do you need someone in your life who actually is in love with you and who wants to be with you?
Author Kaza Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Yeah I think if he's unsure he should break up with me, not just tell me he's unsure and that he feels bad for disappointing me and not being able to give me what he wants. I think I also just made the decision for him that he couldn't make. This morning I was really firm, I practically chased him out of my house. Now I'm just remembering the last hug he gave me and how he told me he'll miss all this. It's so hard
Kengne Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 But you will make it to the morning light. This man has shown you - twice - that he is ambivalent about you, and being in a relationship with you. He is being very honest with you. You should have really listened properly to him the first time - but you didn't - and here we are again. Please believe what he is saying to you now i.e. he is UNSURE about you and DOES NOT KNOW if he wants to be with you. When you asked if he wanted to be with you - and if his answer wasn't a screaming "YES!!" - then it is most certainly a NO, regardless of however nicely it came out a.k.a. "I don't know if I can be in a relationship" or "Baby it's not you, it's me" blah blah:rolleyes: Leave this man alone! Let him work out what he needs on HIS time, not YOUR time. YOU are the prize. Yes it's hard - but the more time you waste with him, the less available you are to the Universe and to the men out there that they WILL want to be with you. K. PS> I know you have had "good times" with him, but good times, kisses & hugs alone do NOT a relationship make. Many men can happily enjoy the "fluff" and trappings of a pseudo relationship (esp casual sex) - without actually wanting to BE in a relationship with the woman. Don't get it twisted. 2
Author Kaza Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Leave this man alone! Let him work out what he needs on HIS time, not YOUR time. YOU are the prize. Thank you, I really needed to hear this. I've realised that it was a 7 month relationship but it was really superficial. He was never really close to me, but hid behind jokes or conversation that didn't matter. I never really got to know him. It's not surprising then that he says he doesn't feel deeply in love. And for me, there is nothing to love, at least not this superficial image that I see, and I never got to know the real person.
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