Thunderchild Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Hi there everyone. Newbie called "Thunderchild" here. I have just been involved in the most horrendous break up in my life. My girlfriend/partner of five years announced to me last Saturday (Feb 16) that she was pregnant. Unfortunately, the father is some guy that she met at the works Xmas party I was utterly stunned. It took her two months after the event to tell me - and, I suspect it was only because she knew she would never be able to hide the pregnancy from me. Plus, it had only been confirmed that day. She made various excuses about "things just not working for her" and "being drunk" and "it just happened" which immediately riled me - at 44 years old I expected a bit more in terms of personal responsibility from an adult. She informed me of the fact that she "no longer saw a future for us" and was opting to go down the single mother track alone. She then mumbled something about having to go home and walk her dogs and being sorry at which point I told her (forcefully) to get out of my house. She duly complied. Fortunately, I am made of quite tough stuff and have not been in contact with her since that Saturday afternoon. So, effectively I am on Day 5 of No Contact with her. I only found about No Contact a couple of days ago, but was so angry, upset, enraged, disappointed, hurt, betrayed and shocked I automatically ceased all communication and blocked out all her accounts, deleted phone numbers etc. On the plus side, there were no children to the relationship - she informed me that she couldn't have children at the start of our relationship. I am unsure if she is telling the truth of it being a one night "fling" or simply the result of a longer-term affair. I no longer trust or believe a word she says. Looking back over out relationship it had upswings and downswings (as most long term realtionships do), but we managed to stay together. Just before Christmas we were on a bit of an upswing - she just having recovered from illness. I can imagine that she may well been delighted to have had her pregnancy confirmed having been told previously that she couldn't have children. However, cheating is cheating (whatever the justification). So, as I currently stand, I have instituted No Contact, but don't really know what I want to achieve. The tears ended yesterday, I'm starting to get back onto an even keel and am getting the feeling that I may have just "dodged a bullet".
flitzanu Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 going NC is not going to 'achieve' anything, other than you healing. you've done the right thing by blocking all your contact with her as well. i mean what else do you need? she cheated on you and got knocked up. do you want a future with her? 2
purplereigncb Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Yes keep up NC. getting knocked up like you said at that age, shows more than an err in judgement.
cdt76 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you are infor a serious roller coaster. We are here for you.
Mack05 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 dude am I missing something? Are 100% sure the kid isn't yours?
Author Thunderchild Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Mack - Yes, 100%, she went to a work conference in the week of her fertile days and then to her mother's for the Xmas/New Year holiday. The dates don't add up with our last encounter.
Author Thunderchild Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 cdt - Many thanks. There will be no roller coaster. Once I make up my mind I am quite determined.
Author Thunderchild Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Fitzanu - wise words my friend! 1
Kengne Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 OP ur gonna be just fine. keep steady w/ NC. No excuse is ever good enough for cheating - NONE. She wants to be a single mom - so be it. You def dodged a bullet with this one. ONWARDS & UPWARDS. 2
Author Thunderchild Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Kegne - many thanks for your words of support. I am kinda coming to that conclusion.
js1967 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Wow Thunderchild, I just got kicked to the curb a couple days ago myself. Just signed on this site today, this is one of the first threads I have read. Oh my man, I am sorry, the whole baby thing, my friend I just dont know how I would handle it. All I can say is, Hang tough, Im in the same boat as you.
TaraMaiden Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I completely disagree with the whole No Contact thing... What you should be doing is to beg, plead, send flowers, love-cards and text, day and night....drive past her house, call her at work, and turn up on her doorstep.... It's ok. I'm just being sarcastic. I recommend complete, total, utter, unequivocal and absolute No Contact more often on this forum than possibly anyone else - and get a rocket (I'm heartless, bitter and callous, and worse, a screwed-up bitch, queen of mean.....(See my signature....) So it's actually quite a pleasant change to meet a newbie who's already well on the way to regaining their control and independence. Apologies for using your thread as a blog-comment.... Well done. Stick around, I may need you!
Chi townD Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 cdt - Many thanks. There will be no roller coaster. Once I make up my mind I am quite determined. Yeah, there probably will be. You're probably on it right now and don't even realize it. It's called the Roller Coaster of Emotions. One minute you're happy, the next minute your sad. You'll be laughing one minute and crying your eyes out the next. You'll be indifferent one minute and angry as hell the next. You'll want her back in your life one minute and wishing you never knew she existed the next. Lots of ups and downs... If this happens then it's completely NORMAL! Most everyone goes through it. And what folks are trying to tell you is that people will be here to ride it with you. SO, vent, write, post and people will be here to walk you through it.
Author Thunderchild Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 JS - Many thanks. Sorry to hear of your predicament. Keep fighting the good fight. I've already found that there are plenty of good people on this site.
Author Thunderchild Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Tara - Many thanks. The strict No Contact seems to be the unanimous view on this thread. And, we need "....heartless, bitter and callous, and worse, a screwed-up bitch, queens of mean" in this world. Don't ever change. I also like the name Tara - usually from parents with Irish connections or "Gone with the Wind" fans!
TaraMaiden Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 No, I'm a "....heartless, bitter and callous, and worse, a screwed-up bitch, queens of mean" Buddhist..... Who'da guessed a peace-lovin' non-violent, meditating dharma-girl could be so down to earth and mouthy with it!?
Author Thunderchild Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Chi - many thanks, yes I understand now - they meant "emotional rollercoaster". I had visions of long, protracted, drawn out involvement in getting over her. But, once I make up my mind what I want (one way or the other) I can be very emotionally tough. In my previous life, I lost a wife and son to a road accident and an earlier son was lost to Infant Respiratory Distress Syndrome at 7 days. I got through that - I'll get through this!
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