RedKitty101 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Okay so we were together for 18 months and were pretty serious in that we were planning to move in together. Six months ago, my ex broke up with me because we were long distance, unable to see each other because I had just gotten a new job in my town and that the spark had gone for him. I did the whole non contact thing for two months. He got in contact first asking to be friends which I agreed to. We've been texting each other nearly every day since then. We met up a few weeks ago on his insistance (he asked me to book a day off work to see him, but I didn't do that because I had just started another job.) and he said that he had missed me and that life was weird without me around. But since then, he got into a relationship to another girl. She looks a lot like me. (Slim, glasses, similar interests) He keeps texting me and has offered to come to my town and visit me for a few days next month. We were friends for a couple of years before and he would not go to that much effort to see someone he was just friends with. He also keeps asking if I'm seeing anyone. I'm still in love with him but I've done everything I can to get over him. I've tried dating other guys, going out with friends. I've focused on myself and applied to do a masters degree. (Something I've wanted to do but haven't been able to afford to.) I've worked on my self esteem which was very low by the end of the relationship and am trying to be more positive about things. I'm also trying not to be too needy by only texting him when he texts me first or when I have something to say. But I genuinely do love him and feel in my gut that we're supposed to be together. Am I in with a chance or am I just wasting my time?
happygolucky_guy Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I think you both may be wondering if the other person wants to get back with you. the best thing to do would be to just clear it out once and for all. The thing to remember though is that can you make a long distance relationship work. it rarely works. long distance is the reason you broke up the first time. in any breakup to be fixed it's important to fix what went wrong the first time. unless one of you moves it's best to just let it go. Him visiting you for a few days will just cause you anxiety and will make it harder to get over him. you may have put him out of your life but you have not put him out of your mind. dating for the sake of dating will not help you, you need to genuinely move on.
Standard-Fare Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Being friends with someone you're in love with while they're dating another person is not a functional situation. That's absolute hell. You can't do that to yourself. I don't know anything about your ex beyond what you've written here, but it sounds like he wants the best of both worlds. Dating someone new, while still having that connection with you (maybe even while getting that ego boost and emotional support of knowing you still love him). If I were you, I'd try to be straight with him. Tell him you still have feelings for him and can't deal with the weird friend zone thing at this point. Tell him you'll be in touch if you ever get more comfortable with the concept. He'll have to respect that. And who knows, it might be a wake-up call for him to evaluate whether he has romantic feelings for you, and whether he can tolerate you dropping out of his life. He hasn't really had to deal with that reality yet, because you haven't made him.
Simon Phoenix Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 Yeah, you haven't done everything that you could. You've been in touch with him for four months as a "friend" when you obviously have feelings. That's a bad, bad situation. And now you are in limbo, which is worse than not having any contact whatsoever. You need to do one of two things, either a) just back off completely and settle yourself (which you needed to do the first time, obviously two months NC was not enough) or b) you need to tell him you can't do the friends thing and live with whatever answer he gives. Since he has a girlfriend, that answer is almost certainly going to be negative. At that point, you have to disappear and stay gone until his presence in your life is not necessary for your well-being. Once you get to the point where you realize that your life is going to be no worse without him in it, that's when you can be "friends" and possibly more. But you left NC too early and once you did, you didn't even do LC. You just went into texting him every day. That's just not smart at all.
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