Rob2183 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 So I met this girl back in November and instantly we hit it off she's 21 I'm 25. Right from the start we knew we liked each other we texted/called each other everyday. Now she's a senior in college and lives about 45 minutes away and I've been up to see her twice in the last month or so. We have gotten pretty close over the last few months we had sex a few times and it was great. Over Christmas break se invited me her to her grandmothers house for Christmas dinner and spend time with her family. Her family loves me and had nothing but good things to say about me. Now about two weeks ago I was supposed to go up and see her at school and she was just acting weird and said to come up another weekend so I said fine. About ten minutes later I get a text saying that she isn't ready for a relationship and that she didnt need space just time to figure herself out. So I respected her decision and I kind of backed off. she still was texting me and calling me even sending me pics/face timing with me. Now I just don't get her because now it seems as though as each day goes by the talking gets less and less. Is she slowly letting go of me or is she just busy and liking her space? She has midterms and what not so that could be it but I realized things have changed a bit. I haven't Heard from her today so I was just wondering what you guys think and if you have any advice for me thank you .
carhill Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Generally, these behaviors result from meeting someone else. That she's been sexually/emotionally intimate with you and does the 'fade' indicates a personality characteristic which you may find to be incompatible. I would suggest enjoying the company of other ladies and not substantially validating any contact from her unless she's contacting you to come visit you in person. Good luck. 4
laaddict Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 The above reply is spot on, you need to find girls that like to be around you, and the next time this girl that "needs space" (whatever the hell that means, I think = bad attitude/spoiled/overly confident/parasitic) comes around to physically be near you, invite one of these girls to hang out with you and they will both compete for your attention, pay attention to the one you dont like. This works especially well for people like this girl that needs space, they are status worshippers and want to find a relationship with a man that is better than them. If they dont find one that is like that they will always cheat and treat you like crap.
SJC2008 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 She's either telling the truth or met someone else and is doing the fade. A behavior change is never a good sign so I'd back way off and be ready to mail it in.
Author Rob2183 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Thanks for the responses, you guys are probably right it's just confusing because she still tries talking to me and what not. She has to make up her mind
5anta Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Talk to her and get to the point. Ask her to be honest with you. Be direct. Don't beat around the bush. Gotta find the right time to do that though. Best to do it in person. If you don't get a honest direct response back.. its time to move on then.
pbjbear Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Just let her go. Women in their early 20's can be very fickle and flakey (and men too). You might want to try dating someone closer to your age. I'm 25 and all of my male friends are between 24-28 and they said they no longer date college chicks or chicks fresh out of college because of this issue. She is weaning herself off you. If you are comfortable with being her security blanket keep talking to her but Im the type to make people live with their own decisions. Good luck 2
Author Rob2183 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Just let her go. Women in their early 20's can be very fickle and flakey (and men too). You might want to try dating someone closer to your age. I'm 25 and all of my male friends are between 24-28 and they said they no longer date college chicks or chicks fresh out of college because of this issue. She is weaning herself off you. If you are comfortable with being her security blanket keep talking to her but Im the type to make people live with their own decisions. Good luck See the thing is I was fine with just letting it go, like today I didn't talk to her once until she texted me first and we talked a little so I'm not really sure what's going on.
JourneyLady Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 She has midterms and what not so that could be it but I realized things have changed a bit. Well it could be both. If someone really cares a lot about their grades (I did), midterms can be an awful time. I remember being really ticked off at a bf because he chose to pick a fight with me during midterms. I was out in the courtyard talking to him on the phone and crying before one of the classes and couldn't concentrate well on the test as a result. Dropped a whole letter grade on the test because of being upset, I am sure. Wait until midterms are over to confront, unless you want to cause resentment. Resentment is a very big relationship killer. Yes, you need to pursue this and find out what the problem is, but don't do it during midterms or she may break up just from the stress... Unless she's someone who doesn't care about her grades. Then it's probably very likely to be someone else.
Author Rob2183 Posted February 22, 2013 Author Posted February 22, 2013 Well it could be both. If someone really cares a lot about their grades (I did), midterms can be an awful time. I remember being really ticked off at a bf because he chose to pick a fight with me during midterms. I was out in the courtyard talking to him on the phone and crying before one of the classes and couldn't concentrate well on the test as a result. Dropped a whole letter grade on the test because of being upset, I am sure. Wait until midterms are over to confront, unless you want to cause resentment. Resentment is a very big relationship killer. Yes, you need to pursue this and find out what the problem is, but don't do it during midterms or she may break up just from the stress... Unless she's someone who doesn't care about her grades. Then it's probably very likely to be someone else. Thank you journey lady for your advice, I'm gonna call her after midterms it's just very weird how she texts me first usually but she's distant at the same time things changed but she can't let go either it seems.
pbjbear Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 If you were into letting her go I dont think youd post about her. If you want to spend your time talking to someone who isnt that into you, go for it. If you are simply trying to figure her out, Id say its a waste of time. My .02
Eggplant Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I was supposed to go up and see her at school and she was just acting weird and said to come up another weekend so I said fine. About ten minutes later I get a text saying that she isn't ready for a relationship and that she didnt need space just time to figure herself out. It sounds as though she is interested in another man. she still was texting me and calling me even sending me pics/face timing with me.I don't know why she's doing so. Maybe you're a back-up plan. She may be confused. It may mean you're not entirely off the table. How badly do you want her? Sometimes, if you pursue a woman, you can win her over, even though she wasn't taken with you at first. We're not like men, who can pretty much tell in a fraction of a second if they're interested. Pursue her if and only if she is worth the risk of rejection.
Author Rob2183 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Posted February 26, 2013 Bump still going on....still texting me initiating convo.
carhill Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 Texts are electrons in the realm of interpersonal relations. Poof. Nothing. I can sit her and type 'I love you' all day long and not care one whit. Fuggetabout text conversations. Enjoy her company the next time she comes to visit you. Suggest that. Then go silent. She knows how to find you. Sufficiently motivated, she will. Either way, it's an answer. Accept it. 1
realtree Posted February 26, 2013 Posted February 26, 2013 I think that maybe midterms have something to do with it. But she may also be afraid. Sometimes people push others away because they are scared or possibly she is losing interest...
Author Rob2183 Posted February 27, 2013 Author Posted February 27, 2013 @realtree what could she be scared of getting to close to quick? That's the only thing I can think of
ChatroomHero Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I always come back to a basic rule myself, after the initial newness of a relationship passes it should be pretty easy. If she likes you she wants to see you and makes it clear and you won't be in the dark that much about things. If something else is going on she will distance herself, need space, fade...Whether it's another guy or not the specifics of that 'something else' really don't matter. Here is what you do know for a fact: Right now she wants a relationship where she texts you from time to time and there is no indication she wants anything more. You need to decide if you are ok with this and when you decide, decide based on what you know not what you think may happen...ie. she'll come around and want more, she'll change after finals, etc. Because if this frustrates you now you have to consider that this could go on for months and months with no change.
salparadise Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 I think if it were another man she would be focused elsewhere and not giving you the time of day. I've had it happen before where a woman will say it's over, they need space, etc. and then keep on initiating contact and acting as if I'm her best buddy, friend and confidant. Saying she will always love me but just can't be with me, yada yada. Hogwash. This is neurotic, self-serving, manipulative behavior. Basically what she's doing is trying to keep you attached and going through the gyrations of trying to get her back. They want you to want them, to pour your heart out and all of that, while they just keep teasing, dangling the carrot and enjoying the validation and security of knowing she could have you back in ten seconds by wiggling her dainty little finger. She will feign innocence and probably does think she being nice, either as a consolation or because she really cares about you on some level. She wants to continue receiving the benefits of the relationship, your undying devotion, without having to give you anything you need. But it isn't fair and you need to put a stop to it one way or another because it keeps you stuck, yearning for what you need in a relationship yet not being able to move on and find it with someone who will be all in. 1
dasein Posted February 27, 2013 Posted February 27, 2013 She will maintain contact with you as a safety until she has solidified the next thing. Take carhill and others' advice and consider yourself free to date whomever you like and do so. When her hot new thing falls through, she will be back hat in hand, but unless something has really changed in your relationship or her feelings about you, the cycle will repeat and be more painful and frustrating each time it does. When they ask for space, give them a galaxy worth of it while cultivating other options. When they ask for space, they no longer exist in your world as a relationship prospect. Time to move on. Good luck. 2
Author Rob2183 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Wow, I really appreciate all the advice from everyone. I've been doing the nt texting her thing. She told me two nights ago how busy she is with school work so I haven't contacted her since and I haven't heard from her. Do I leave it as is or do I text her after the tests? Just wondering thanks guys.
carhill Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 IMO, leave the contact to her. She's the 'busy' one. If she does, ask about the tests, sincere interest, and move the conversation to 'hey, now that you're done with terms why not come down and visit me and we'll have a good time, bla, bla, bla'. Listen. There's your answer. Accept it.
Author Rob2183 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Ok, Carhill once again I appreciate it. I'm just going to wait to hear from here and if she doesn't then I move on. I did all I could.
Author Rob2183 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Well she texted me today saying how busy she has been and how she hasn't slept and why not it's like she just vents to me so idk.
LampLighter Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Ice her my friend. I'm going through the exact same thing. Hung out with said woman for three months, incredible connection, then she stàrts to fade. Stop texting, stop caring, stop any behaviour. Woman love attention, as do all humans, but especially woman. She is clearly not interested in you. If she was she would make it very obvious. Move on and start seeing other woman, someone who will treat you as you deserve. This girl will feel your absence and come running. You deserve better
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