newsbug Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I am having the biggest urge to email or text him right now, so I thought I would come here and vent about it with hopes the urge will go away. I have my cousin trying to start some kind of junk with me right now and he was the one I always turned to for this junk. He was my very best friend and confidant. I miss talking to him all day, everyday. I miss him so much. And that's what I want to text him. Tell him I miss him. And then tell him I just wanted to talk to him and tell him what the cousin was doing. I know he would reply and he would helpful and nice, but I also know it wouldn't matter. Him replying and being nice would be just because he's a nice guy and he still feels bad about what he did. It wouldn't mean that he loved me anymore or that he hadn't just left me and broke our engagement for another woman. In fact, for all I would know, he would be replying to me while sitting next to her. There's a part of me that wishes I could be his friend...but I know it can't be because I just love him so much. But I know the reality is he is gone and he's with someone else. He lied to me and betrayed my trust. He gave up on us after telling me how much he looked forward to spending his life with me. I can't contact him because there is nothing left to say. And I know that. I'm just having a sad/weak moment. I have to admit that I'm still praying he will contact me. And I know that makes me sad, but I would love to know if he even thinks or me anymore. I want to know if he misses me..but I can never ask him. Ugh...this is hard.
iouaname Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Stay strong, hon! I know that it is difficult. The best thing to remember at this point is that he doesn't want to hear from you. Maybe he does still care about you and maybe he does feel guilt over what he did, but those are the exact reasons that he doesn't want to hear from you anymore. He's with another girl now and he wants to focus on his life with her, and not have the lingering presence of you in his life reminding him of his guilt. You deserve so much better than someone like that. You deserve someone who would not cause you this sort of pain, and someone who loves hearing from you and talking to you. Shoot a text message to someone else. Anyone else. Ask them how their day is. Ask them how they're doing. Just don't message him, and the urge will pass. No contact is hard as hell, I know You did the right thing by posting here, instead!
Author newsbug Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Stay strong, hon! I know that it is difficult. The best thing to remember at this point is that he doesn't want to hear from you. Maybe he does still care about you and maybe he does feel guilt over what he did, but those are the exact reasons that he doesn't want to hear from you anymore. He's with another girl now and he wants to focus on his life with her, and not have the lingering presence of you in his life reminding him of his guilt. You deserve so much better than someone like that. You deserve someone who would not cause you this sort of pain, and someone who loves hearing from you and talking to you. Shoot a text message to someone else. Anyone else. Ask them how their day is. Ask them how they're doing. Just don't message him, and the urge will pass. No contact is hard as hell, I know You did the right thing by posting here, instead! Thank you. I have deleted his number and his email address, but in my crazy moments I know I can find those all again if I wanted to. I just know I don't really want to. I know there's nothing that he can say to make anything better and I need to just stay away from him so I can try and heal myself. I just miss him so much. I was hoping posting here would help get rid of the feelings and give me some strength. And it has. I met with a therapist yesterday and I had told her about this site and about the NC thing. But then I had to tell her the truth...what no one knew about but me. I had another facebook account just so I could look at his page. I know how sad and pathetic and desperate that sounds, and it is. I have been lying to myself because I said I was doing good and have been NC since Saturday, but I have looked at his page everyday. There really hasn't been anything on it other than the first thing that killed me...but I had a dream last night that I checked his page and he changed his status to "in a relationship" and it was so bad it woke me up. I still checked it this morning...nothing new on it. But just now I finally kicked my own butt...there is nothing at all that I can/will ever see on that page that will make me happy or feel better. It will always only hurt me. I knew that when I made the page, but I still did it. But I just deleted it. I didn't deactivate it like I did before...I deleted it. It's done. I can't abuse myself that way any longer. There's a huge part of me that's still praying that somehow things will work out with us again and we will once again be back "us". Easy Peasy. But I also know that there is nothing I can do to fix it. It has to be on his end. All I can do is heal myself and try and put my life pieces back together. Try to stop nonstop thinking about him and wondering how and why this happened. I just have to try and be happy again without him since that's all I can do.
destroyed4sho Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Ive done this before too and then totally regretted it immediately afterwards. Anxiety caused me to text ex everytime bc she was someone i leaned on. In your case it seems like stress is the trigger. You have to program your mind not to want to speak to your ex everytime something stresses you out. You have to start sometime.why not now?
Author newsbug Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 I'm trying. I just spoke to my coworker and it's really like he just died. I keep having conversations with him in my mind. Some good and some bad. She lost her dad three years ago and she said what I'm going through is the same kind of grief that she is still going through. It was nice to talk to her.
Author newsbug Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 I just had another coworker come in and ask me if we have set a date yet for the wedding. He had no idea that my insides have been torn out. I had to tell him that he left me. He left me for another girl. This coworker knew him too...just to make things worse. It's so sad and awkward. I'm broken and all he can say is how sorry he is to hear that. And what a douche bag he is. And if I need anything let him know. And I keep saying sorry to him because I know I'm getting all teared up and making him feel weird. I want to tell him to go get him and shake some sense into him if you want to help me out. I didn't. I just said thanks. And my insides keep dying. Why did this have to happen?
Author newsbug Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 I hope I'm not being annoying...I'm just using this place to keep myself busy so I don't slip. I went to my blog and had talked myself into texting him. Eff it I thought...I have to do this. It's driving me crazy. I have deleted his number but I know it's still there in the history. I picked up my phone and just looked at it and then I imagined the conversation: Me: Hey Him: Hey Me: How are you? Him: Doing okay. How are you feeling? Me: I dunno...I was just thinking about you and just wanted to say hi. I miss you. Him: I'm sorry Me: Do you miss me? Do you think about me? Are you happy? Him: Yes, I'm very happy. And that was it. The phone is back in my purse. I don't want to know if he's happy or doing well. I'm not happy and I'm not doing well and it's not fair that he is or isn't. And I know if he gave any kind of a crap about me, he would contact me...he wouldn't have dumped me in the first place. So...NC is still there. I had a very close call, but I have talked myself away from the ledge. This time at least. 1
todreaminblue Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) I am having the biggest urge to email or text him right now, so I thought I would come here and vent about it with hopes the urge will go away. I have my cousin trying to start some kind of junk with me right now and he was the one I always turned to for this junk. He was my very best friend and confidant. I miss talking to him all day, everyday. I miss him so much. And that's what I want to text him. Tell him I miss him. And then tell him I just wanted to talk to him and tell him what the cousin was doing. I know he would reply and he would helpful and nice, but I also know it wouldn't matter. Him replying and being nice would be just because he's a nice guy and he still feels bad about what he did. It wouldn't mean that he loved me anymore or that he hadn't just left me and broke our engagement for another woman. In fact, for all I would know, he would be replying to me while sitting next to her. There's a part of me that wishes I could be his friend...but I know it can't be because I just love him so much. But I know the reality is he is gone and he's with someone else. He lied to me and betrayed my trust. He gave up on us after telling me how much he looked forward to spending his life with me. I can't contact him because there is nothing left to say. And I know that. I'm just having a sad/weak moment. I have to admit that I'm still praying he will contact me. And I know that makes me sad, but I would love to know if he even thinks or me anymore. I want to know if he misses me..but I can never ask him. Ugh...this is hard. i know how you feel i am missing someone , only seen him two days ago, but i miss him and when i miss someone i can taste it......i had a discussion with my daughter the other day about missing people, and when you say goodbye to someone, it only truly hurts if they are good people,that's when it sucks, because when you are around them , you feel happiness, when they go you feel disappointment and sadness, this is a sign of a like minded soul who is in your life, and with a world full of people, the amount of like minded souls you meet in person are actually few, the world is a big place, I am sorry that your engagement didnt work out,i have had two fail, teh joy that i could try to give you is this, I actually didnt think i would ever meet someone a like minded soul who i was attracted to again....and i mean ever because that relationship lasted fifteen years...and i was engaged...i take commitment seriously,so decided it was it for me and went into mourning basically And several years down the track, I have met someone, nwo this guy doesnt like me,but i feel this pull to get to know him one of the main reasons is what i said above....i miss him........ he matters to me, and at this time he really doesnt know how much....i hide pretty well. so what i am trying to say is missing someone shows how much you care about them, its not a bad thing , its a good thing even though it involves sadness it means that person can touch your heart because he has a heart like yours....... and i am saying to you you can have that again...the sadness of missing your ex will be replaced with the sadness of missing someone else......but with that sadness there is a balance of happiness, and that happiness occurs when you are with that person to me thats the sign from god above, that person was meant to be placed right in your path for whatever reason.......there's always a balance in life and love...to love someone with all your heart means to know what its like not to have them, then, you have that to remember while you are going through hard times when you are together..and you cherish the good times...you will miss someone else...trust m e....we were never meant to go through life alone.....god will put someone in your path for you to miss again....deb Edited February 21, 2013 by todreaminblue
Debbie2508 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I hope I'm not being annoying...I'm just using this place to keep myself busy so I don't slip. I went to my blog and had talked myself into texting him. Eff it I thought...I have to do this. It's driving me crazy. I have deleted his number but I know it's still there in the history. I picked up my phone and just looked at it and then I imagined the conversation: Me: Hey Him: Hey Me: How are you? Him: Doing okay. How are you feeling? Me: I dunno...I was just thinking about you and just wanted to say hi. I miss you. Him: I'm sorry Me: Do you miss me? Do you think about me? Are you happy? Him: Yes, I'm very happy. And that was it. The phone is back in my purse. I don't want to know if he's happy or doing well. I'm not happy and I'm not doing well and it's not fair that he is or isn't. And I know if he gave any kind of a crap about me, he would contact me...he wouldn't have dumped me in the first place. So...NC is still there. I had a very close call, but I have talked myself away from the ledge. This time at least. Sorry you're having a bad day newsbug. Me too,i was feeling quite smug as I've not cried since Monday and was managing to swap thoughts of him wiith other things. But today's been awful again. The last time I weakened and texted him was 2 weeks ago. I texted "can we talk?" ,he straight away replied "okay",which i wasn't expecting.So i called him,with no plan of what to say! It started off fine,just talking about general stuff....but then i couldn't resist asking if he missed me,he said"I've moved on,I can't look back now." I said it was nice to hear his voice,he said "thanks"!!! wtf....that really hurt! He sounded so cool and distant. I really wish I hadn't called......please avoid the pain and don't call him. 1
Author newsbug Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Sorry you're having a bad day newsbug. Me too,i was feeling quite smug as I've not cried since Monday and was managing to swap thoughts of him wiith other things. But today's been awful again. The last time I weakened and texted him was 2 weeks ago. I texted "can we talk?" ,he straight away replied "okay",which i wasn't expecting.So i called him,with no plan of what to say! It started off fine,just talking about general stuff....but then i couldn't resist asking if he missed me,he said"I've moved on,I can't look back now." I said it was nice to hear his voice,he said "thanks"!!! wtf....that really hurt! He sounded so cool and distant. I really wish I hadn't called......please avoid the pain and don't call him. That's exactly how every conversation plays out in my head whenever I almost do crack. The last time I texted him was on Saturday. It was polite and short and it ended with him sending me a smiley face. I really want to walk away from this with my head up. Me being the bigger, better person. He will know soon enough how stupid he was. I don't know if he will ever come back or even if he did if I could take him back, but I want to remain the better person no matter what. I am the better person...I was the one that didn't give up on us. He did that.
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