Hope737 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Hi everyone, first time poster but I'm in desperate need of some advice so please bare with me:rolleyes: I've recently broke up with my first and my only true love. Difficult in coming to terms with this isn't the word. We first started going out in high school back in 2006. We had an amazing three year relationship, we experienced so much together and grew so close. After three years we broke up mutually as we were going our separate ways. University etc. It was hard to take but I just knew that one day we would get back together and we did! In the middle of 2012 we finally got back together, I was over the moon and my life was complete. A brilliant career and the love of my life back in my arms, total bliss! Here's how it all went wrong and I cannot stop blaming myself for letting it go downhill. I should've acted so much better. I did the most STUPID thing and started checking her email and Skype accounts as I knew she was talking to her ex again. I know what I did was wrong and a breach of her privacy but curiosity took over. I found out she was sending naked pictures of herself to her ex and talking on webcam to eachother. They got pretty intimate and started doing things sexually on webcam together. She was saying how she misses him in emails and I really didn't know how to handle it. I felt she was with me for the sake of it. I couldn't confront her about it as then it'd have been obvious that I found out her password and was snooping. Over time I just wasn't myself around her as I knew what she was doing behind my back. I found it so hard to be intimate with her. I could tell she wasn't herself either when she was around me. I used to ask her what was wrong and she either just shrugged her shoulders or told me "I dunno, I just think you can do so much better than me". So it's as if she was feeling some guilt. Anyway things went further downhill, we were arguing about silly things and I eventually broke up with her. We're remaining friends as we're in exactly the same circle of friends and now we're going to be working together as she's just got a job in my company! What on earth do I do? I miss her so much, she's beautiful, clever and very sharp. I just cannot let go, I should've never broke up with her over her silly flings with her ex on webcam and via email. It's even harder as I'll be seeing her at social gatherings AND at work. What a mess eh?
Njeanne Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I found out she was sending naked pictures of herself to her ex and talking on webcam to eachother. They got pretty intimate and started doing things sexually on webcam together. She was saying how she misses him in emails and I really didn't know how to handle it. I felt she was with me for the sake of it. I just cannot let go, I should've never broke up with her over her silly flings with her ex on webcam and via email. It's even harder as I'll be seeing her at social gatherings AND at work. What a mess eh? I am sorry to say this but when you got back together I think she never loved you, or things weren't the same anymore for her. The fact that she missed her ex, did sexual things on webcam with him is still cheating. The fact that she said "I think you deserve someone better" was a sign already she was full of guilt but was too much of a coward to break up with you. Do not regret breaking up with her, remember what she was doing. She had no respect or love for you, and it was only a matter of time she would have physically cheated on you with him or someone else. Yes, it will be difficult at work, but just pretend she isn't there.
iouaname Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 It seems like some mistakes were made, yes, but ending the relationship sounds like the one thing that was not a mistake.
mcdo Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Biggest mistake? More like the most correct thing you've ever done. In 99% of cases checking her personal stuff is absolutely not cool but it appears it was justified in your case.
Author Hope737 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Thanks for your input guys, helps quite a bit!
Chi townD Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Dude, don't feel bad about snooping. You felt something was wrong and you investigated it. YOU HAD EVERY RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP! So, don't feel bad. Dude, she was cheating on you. You don't actually have to have sex with someone to cheat. There's two ways to cheat. A PA (Physical affair) and a EA (emotional affair). She was emotionally invested into this dude. You can actually call this incident both a PA and a EA. She was having webcam sex with this guy. Thus, he was viewing bits of her that should have only be exclusive to you. A good definition of cheating is doing something or saying something that you wouldn't do infront of your partner with someone else. I don't think she would have webcam sex with you sitting in the room. Therefore, she was cheating.
NoLeafClover Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 this reminds me of my ex so much. I caught her messaging another guy too and she said they were just friends. Then I found out they were talking about sexual things and what they'd do to each other. I never looked at her the same once I lost that trust. This is cheating and you're not recognizing it as cheating because you are still hung up on her. Wake up and look at the big picture. 1
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