Damian12 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) Its almost been 3 months that me and my girlfriend broke up. We had a good relationship. Dated for about 2 years. We were always intimate and touching each other and she always hugs me very tight. And Kiss me on my cheek and my lips. We spent a lot of time together, almost everyday. She would message me almost everyday that she misses me or wants to see me. And it was very sweet to me. We went on trips, movies, camping, snowboarding, dates, parties, dinners with family, played the same games together(we're both gamers), went to gym together, we did new things and tried new restaurants, and all that stuff that people do in great relationships. We would do silly things like, blast music in the car and start fist pumping and dancing! I was fun actually! haha. There were times where I made plans before we dated and I was going away for like 1-2 days. And I would tell my ex about it. She cried cause she wouldn't see me for like 1-2 days. Also, I had good relationship with her parents and they loved me. That the father asked me when I will bu her daughter a ring. Me and my ex even talked about marriage and having kids. We are both 25 years old. After a year of dating we decided to move out together. It was great, I started to enjoy my life with her even more. All my friends and her friends thought we were going to get married. All her friends talked to me, and told me she has never done anything like that with her other exs. Her friends really saw her happy face when she was with me. We had good communication. We never really talked on phone that much, but we text each other a lot. Kiss her in the mornings before I go to work and kiss her at night before I sleep. I get up earlier then her and I sleep early too. When I slept first and she came after, I wake up because she grabs my hand and holds it then she falls asleep. It was sweet. She would post some pictures of me and her on facebook. And there would be like +30 likes on the page. Sometimes I do it too, only if I really like that picture and also I'd get like +30 likes. I am the first guy that she has ever put "in a relationship" status on facebook with anybody. And I'm the first guy that she has ever lived with for a 1 year. Sex was good for most part. We'd have sex around 3-4 times a month. They were sometimes passionate and sometimes more aggressive. Depending on the moment. Her phone background was a picture of me, and I'd have one of her. We barely argued. I'm a pretty easy going person. I feel like some arguments don't really get anywhere. Better be calm and talk about it then raising your voices. When I come home on some days, I'd tell her I'm home and she would come running and jump on me. Like I said on the title. Perfect Relationship Can End Too. And it did. Suddenly she decided to stay back with her parents house cause she missed them. We actually seen them often, like 1-2 month for family dinners. Anyway...after her staying at her parents for about a few days she tells me that she needs to "find herself", and that we should maybe not see each other for a little while...All of a sudden! And I'm thinking to myself, cant you find yourself by being with me? And apparently not. She said maybe we'll date again later or in the future. At this moment what could I have said to change her decision? I couldn't do anything.. So I agreed with her decision. She cried with we talked on the phone. A week later, she suddenly came over. And spent one great night together cause she said she misses me so much. She said she loves me. And in my head I thought to myself "hey! is everything going to be good again?" Nope, she went back home and never saw her for a few weeks. Her parents came over and grabbed all her belongings from time to time. And the only text I got from her was "thanks for letting my parents come over to get my stuff" Just bummer cause, I feel like how'd this all happen? Anyway, my plan is to work on myself. Do things that make me happy and keep myself occupied. I work 50hrs, I go to gym 4 days a week, eat healthy and spend time with friends and family whenever I can. Just day to day, I think about, what she is doing with her time...which I know I shouldn't. I know I miss her very much. But does she? I did the NC strategy. Facebook off, Skype gone, messenger, Whatsapp, games (friends list) gone. Pretty much just disappeared. Was it the right thing to do? Question now to the reader, What would you do in my situation? Did I do the right thing? Any suggestion will be greatly appreciated! Edited February 21, 2013 by Damian12
flitzanu Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Its almost been 3 months that me and my girlfriend broke up. We had a good relationship. Dated for about 2 years. We were always intimate and touching each other and she always hugs me very tight. And Kiss me on my cheek and my lips. We spent a lot of time together, almost everyday. She would message me almost everyday that she misses me or wants to see me. And it was very sweet to me. We went on trips, movies, camping, snowboarding, dates, parties, dinners with family, played the same games together(we're both gamers), went to gym together, we did new things and tried new restaurants, and all that stuff that people do in great relationships. We would do silly things like, blast music in the car and start fist pumping and dancing! I was fun actually! haha. There were times where I made plans before we dated and I was going away for like 1-2 days. And I would tell my ex about it. She cried cause she wouldn't see me for like 1-2 days. Also, I had good relationship with her parents and they loved me. That the father asked me when I will bu her daughter a ring. Me and my ex even talked about marriage and having kids. We are both 25 years old. After a year of dating we decided to move out together. It was great, I started to enjoy my life with her even more. All my friends and her friends thought we were going to get married. All her friends talked to me, and told me she has never done anything like that with her other exs. Her friends really saw her happy face when she was with me. We had good communication. We never really talked on phone that much, but we text each other a lot. Kiss her in the mornings before I go to work and kiss her at night before I sleep. I get up earlier then her and I sleep early too. When I slept first and she came after, I wake up because she grabs my hand and holds it then she falls asleep. It was sweet. She would post some pictures of me and her on facebook. And there would be like +30 likes on the page. Sometimes I do it too, only if I really like that picture and also I'd get like +30 likes. I am the first guy that she has ever put "in a relationship" status on facebook with anybody. And I'm the first guy that she has ever lived with for a 1 year. Sex was good for most part. We'd have sex around 3-4 times a month. They were sometimes passionate and sometimes more aggressive. Depending on the moment. Her phone background was a picture of me, and I'd have one of her. We barely argued. I'm a pretty easy going person. I feel like some arguments don't really get anywhere. Better be calm and talk about it then raising your voices. When I come home on some days, I'd tell her I'm home and she would come running and jump on me. Like I said on the title. Perfect Relationship Can End Too. And it did. Suddenly she decided to stay back with her parents house cause she missed them. We actually seen them often, like 1-2 month for family dinners. Anyway...after her staying at her parents for about a few days she tells me that she needs to "find herself", and that we should maybe not see each other for a little while...All of a sudden! And I'm thinking to myself, cant you find yourself by being with me? And apparently not. She said maybe we'll date again later or in the future. At this moment what could I have said to change her decision? I couldn't do anything.. So I agreed with her decision. She cried with we talked on the phone. A week later, she suddenly came over. And spent one great night together cause she said she misses me so much. She said she loves me. And in my head I thought to myself "hey! is everything going to be good again?" Nope, she went back home and never saw her for a few weeks. Her parents came over and grabbed all her belongings from time to time. And the only text I got from her was "thanks for letting my parents come over to get my stuff" Just bummer cause, I feel like how'd this all happen? Anyway, my plan is to work on myself. Do things that make me happy and keep myself occupied. I work 50hrs, I go to gym 4 days a week, eat healthy and spend time with friends and family whenever I can. Just day to day, I think about, what she is doing with her time...which I know I shouldn't. I know I miss her very much. But does she? I did the NC strategy. Facebook off, Skype gone, messenger, Whatsapp, games (friends list) gone. Pretty much just disappeared. Was it the right thing to do? Question now to the reader, What would you do in my situation? Did I do the right thing? Any suggestion will be greatly appreciated! yes, you've done the right thing by totally disappearing. that's the best thing you can do. she went to her parents and decided to stay there because for whatever reason (probably just because she wants to explore new things) that was her "soft" way of breaking up. and ALL of them use the "maybe we'll date in the future" crap, because really...none of us are prognosticators and it isn't technically lying. i'd assume her last hurrah by coming over and banging you was just her convincing herself it's the last time.
Author Damian12 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Forgot to add: Now, we didn't spend every minute together. We understand that each person likes to do their own thing from time to time. Sometimes she'd play her games while I go watch a moving in the livingroom. Of course we'd ask each other if we want to join. We really understand it. I personally just enjoy her presence, knowing that she is around.
Exitleft Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 You've done the right thing. When someone asks for space they mean it. When was the last time you were in contact?
Author Damian12 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Well. It varies sometimes. Sometime more sex then usual. Your right. That its not perfect if she were to leave me. Everytime we did have sex. It goes for hours
Njeanne Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 It wasn't so perfect if communication wasn't there..., and imo there is no perfect relationship, but a healthy - working relationship has communication. 3-4 times sex a month isn't that a lot, but then I feel it shouldn't revolve around it either.
Author Damian12 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Well. Im not sure. I do would like to have more. Its cause her past she got into accident and she has a blood pressure issue. Dunno if it has anything to do with her arousal. But we did communicate a lot. Not sure what you mean by good communication. But im sure we did
KatZee Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 No relationship is perfect. And if it were so "perfect" for the both of you, it wouldn't have ended. It WASN'T perfect from her end and that's why she ended it with you. For whatever reasons she just wasn't happy anymore. I think it was the speed at which you guys took this relationship. It's not healthy to spend every waking second with your partner. It's not healthy that she would cry if she didn't see you for ONE day. That screams co-dependency from both of you. You both need your own hobbies and your own lives and things you do away from each other. This is why your relationship ended just as fast as it started. Too much of a good thing can ruin a relationship. It becomes claustrophobic, and smothering. You did the right thing by going NC, but you're not doing it for the right reasons. You're doing it to try and get her back, and that's not going to work. Especially if she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Continue focusing on yourself, don't do it for her, do it for you.
Chi townD Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I don't know...Something feels fishy. You had and incredible relationship and then she goes home for a month and then wants to end it. Something happened within that time frame to make her say, "I need to find myself". I don't know if there's another guy around your parents neighborhood that she's showing an interest in....look, something happened to make her think..GIGS!
Author Damian12 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Thank you guys for your opinion! Hurts to learn. But feels better to understand!
Author Damian12 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 I didnt mention that she always been in short relationships and none over 2yrs. Dunno if its a pattern or not.
KatZee Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I didnt mention that she always been in short relationships and none over 2yrs. Dunno if its a pattern or not. Doesn't matter if it is, or isn't. Not your problem to solve. Better things await!
Author Damian12 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 You're right man! Thank you KatZee, appreciate it!
Kaza Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I'm curious whether there is anything that was even slightly 'not perfect' in the relationship. Were you able to talk about difficult issues at all? Now is the second time I broke up with my ex but the first time it caught me by surprised completely. We were always happy, we never fought, I love affection and he was affectionate, sex was good. I thought everything was great, and now when I look back, there were little things niggling at me.
stevie_23 Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 It wasnt so perfect if u broke up, was it ? Sorry to be a bad ass but just so you know it wasnt that perfect and you should stop idealizing it Well...I get what you're saying. I remember thinking way back in 2001 when my first ex broke up with me "I was 100% happy with the relationship except that she didn't want to be in it anymore." Yeah. Real happy I must've been. Later, I realised I was NOT happy or secure at all at the time. Anyway, in terms of the OP, the relationship obviously was NOT perfect if it ended, HOWEVER for HIM, what he got from the relationship and from her may have been pretty "perfect", you know? He's allowed to idolise it. At least for now. With time and distance comes greater clarity.
todreaminblue Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 scared of commitment maybe...phobic...maybe her parent s were pressuring her ....sad face inserted here....sounds like a perfect relationship....but we all know that no relationship is perfect.......sounds more to me like you had a loving relationship and you are a loving big hearted guy who was committed and she was loving and big hearted but was not committed to the extent that you were......you lived together fro a year so i fele you should have had at least an understandign o fwhat you determine commitment to be...i have a pet hate...is this i need to fidn myself when you are already in a relationship.... .if you didnt know while in a relationship who you were, changing that status wont help...its a cop out ......i have never said that to a guy have been dating....i admit first up hey i am messed up......but i do know who i am ...my names deb most of the time i should get away from myself ...i bore me to tears and when i am not bored with myself i am pissed off so yeah .....dont need to find myself in or out of a relationship..i think most people shouldnt live in their heads....wish i didnt half the time..when i am in a relationship the only thing i want to find out is what makes that person who he is and extremely cherished by me, play with that for like maybe a hundred years....smilin.i am a bit ocd......so i wish you the best and hope you find a big hearted loving committed girl to have a loving relationship with next time...dont chase after this girl...you have done the right thing...best of luck .. deb
destroyed4sho Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 A relationship could seem perfect(not a lot of fighting or drama)..but then other nasty relationship killers get in the way such as Boredom, GIGS, Stagnation.... Soooo many factors can ruin a relationship, too many! I can't comprehend anymore how some people manage to last so long together.....It seems like the odds of a relationship lasting forever is like .0001%.... (unless you have kids...but even then, to stay together for the kids sake, you would need to have the same value system as your partner) WHAT's THE POINT ANYMORE?
Kaza Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 .if you didnt know while in a relationship who you were, changing that status wont help...its a cop out ......i have never said that to a guy have been dating....i admit first up hey i am messed up......but i do know who i am ...my names deb Sometimes in a relationship we change ourselves, because people affect us and people influence us. I have felt like I lost myself when I was in a relationship and what that means is I started to dislike the person I am, compared with when I'm single. Hence the need to 'find myself'. NC really does help you find yourself. Because you do things that you want, you don't worry about pleasing someone else. Only when you're happy with yourself then you can contribute to the relationship. 1
todreaminblue Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 A relationship could seem perfect(not a lot of fighting or drama)..but then other nasty relationship killers get in the way such as Boredom, GIGS, Stagnation.... Soooo many factors can ruin a relationship, too many! I can't comprehend anymore how some people manage to last so long together.....It seems like the odds of a relationship lasting forever is like .0001%.... (unless you have kids...but even then, to stay together for the kids sake, you would need to have the same value system as your partner) WHAT's THE POINT ANYMORE? Because the other choice is to have meaningless sex,to never know the true bliss of goign through trials and good times standign together united.....and havign soemoen who truly gets you ....walking solitary through life........doesnt seem like a satisfying rewarding journey fi you dotn have that special soemone to talk about it with ............everyone needs someone...yep needs someone special in their life who is theirs and theirs alone......friends family have their lives......but a marriage partner is there with you through i tall ...ups and downs tears and frowns....and then the cherished smiles and laughs.....sounds more rewarding to me..for sure for me dont know about how you feel.....i do understand your thoughts on the decline of marriage.....its not being taken seriously anymore...and it should be because its sanctified.............deb
Author Damian12 Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 There isn't a perfect relationship, but it could be a good relationship. And from my point of view it was pretty good. But Im not sure if she see the same way. We did talk about "how happy we were" And I told her I was happy, and i appreciate her, our place, my job, our family, friends and everything that we currently have! I couldn't ask for anymore! And when I asked her the same thing, she feels like something is missing, that she is happy but also not, feels she has a "life purpose" (true) and "needs to find herself" The reason I went on NC, is because I wanted no connection with her anymore. If this is the time for me to heal emotionally. I don't want to have any communication through msgs or photos or anything that will effect me. I've been better, almost been 3 months and feeling better day by day. Try to fill up my days with fun and laughter. Thanks again guys!
Author Damian12 Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Hey Deb Btw, parents did not pressure her. Her parents are awesome. Just like my own! I'd say when our parents met that became best friends! They drive same cars, has same values, almost same age, speaks same languages, go to same restaurants and such! I saw her father not too long ago, he loved me. He pulled me to the side and said "hey, if you ever need man talk 1 on 1, let me know okay? you have my number" And I thought that was very sweet from exs father that cares about her BF. But there could be a commitment issue that we had. Not sure though. We have same friends, and they say that she takes long to be committed or even say "I love you" Thanks again Deb
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