aprillynn Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 My boyfriend and I have had a great relationship for the past 2 years. Inseperable from the moment we met, talking about marriage and excited for this baby. 6 weeks ago we were looking at engagment rings and now he is looking for a place to live After going away to visit his daughters (I had to work, first time in 2 years he went without me) he came back acting very odd (mopey, distant, less excited about baby) I was the first time his ex wife has been single since they split, first time she had been nice to him and she apologized for bieng such an awful person the last few years (trying to keep him away from girls, lying, having new guy move in a a week after they split), I knew something was wrong. I got so jealous and paranoid. He went back to visit them a month later and when he came back I couldnt take it anymore. I confronted him multiple times and finally got him to admit that after spending time with them he didnt want to leave them. He was devestated when he lost them the first time and now cant stop thinking about getting them back. He cried, apologized. Said he was confused about what to do. Swears he didnt cheat on me and doesnt even know if his ex has any interest in him. he says he has no plans to move where they live because he doesnt want to leave the baby and there is no work there. I said I said i cant sit around and wait for them to figure it out so i can be 2nd choice. How could he pick someone who treated him like crap and did those things over me? Said I felt like we were his replacment family while he waited to get his other one back. He just said those werent his intentions, hes sorry. How would I ever trust him? We sat in silence a bit before I said " I guess this is it, were over" Its been 4 days and i have become obsessed with the idea that maybe he didnt want us to be 100% done. Maybe he really doesnt know what he wants and Im the one who ended it. I keep thinking if he calls his ex, she shoots him down says ur crazy go back to ur gf then there is a chance we can fix things. I would have to 100% believe he accepted he cant have that life and be committed to our family. I dont even know if thats possible but i feel like its worth a shot. Question is should I sit down and ask him is he sure this is what he wants? Should I ask if there is a chance they dont work out he would come back to me. I dont want to seem pathetic but its hard to have closure if im always thinking he would have tried but he thinks i dont want him anymore. If he says "I dont know" im afraid i will spend forever thinking he will come back instead of moving on. Its especially hard because with the baby Im going to be seeing him all the time. Its hard to accept we are done when he didnt say he doesnt want to be with me and hes not jumping on the next plane back to them. He has a problem having boundaries with his exs. Ive always known this but Im not a jealous person and accepted it. He went down and played house for the weekend with his ex thinking they could just be friends and it messed him up emotionally. Now he wants to do that with me. He is talking to me like nothing happened, called yesterday to ask how I was and talk about work. He thinks when baby is born he is gonna come hang out at the house with us and watch movies together. If we are really done I need to tell him you dont get to be a part of my life anymore. I would never keep him from our son but he cant have his cake and eat it too!
Bando89 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I don't really know what to say, but I felt you needed some comfort because your situation is really unfortunate I would just say try to forget him, but there's a kid now, and it's not easy...maybe someone who was in a similar situation will reply and give you more comfort than I'm able to.. I'm sorry. Stay safe, stay strong 1
KatZee Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 He's married. You ended it and he didn't even fight for you. That's the denial and bargaining that's making you think you may have done the wrong thing by ending it. But if he wanted you so badly, and didn't want it to be over, he would have done something. Said something. He's emotionally unavailable to you right now. His head is so far up his wife's a.ss right now that he can't really be available to you right now. Don't sit around waiting for this. It's not right and you're only going to waste your time. He's obsessed with getting his wife and family back, not getting you back. It's horrible that he did this 3 weeks before the birth of a baby but he's in no way fit to be in a monogamous relationship right now. 1
Treasa Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 The way I read it, this is his ex-wife. I think what you're doing is pretty much all you can do at this point. I hope everything works out very well for you, regardless of what happens.
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