Thx55 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) When do you break away from being financially responsible for your spouse. Especially when they are taking advantage of the situation. I have been seperated for months. We have a 4 year old and my wife is a full time student who recently is officially in a new relationship. We both live in the same house due to financial strain. I work 14 hour days 6 days a week and my mother in law lives with us and has just beginning February started receiving her retirement. I have been paying for all her living expenses the past year. My wife will not get a job to help financially. She is gone at school 10 or more hours a day and apparently had time for a new boyfriend. I am tired and want to love on with my life but feel trapped here? My daughter is the one suffering i can't afford to take care of everyone and my wife is not helping at all. Edited February 21, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
2sure Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 You need to move. If you haven't been married long you will pay child support only. Do you own the home or rent? 1
Author Thx55 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Rent. Can't afford to move because she won't get a job. Married 5 years. Forced to live here under financial strain. I'm being walked all over. My daughter is my priority. School is my wife's. my mother in law is with her while I work. It's ridiculous that I have to continue to do this.
jwi71 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 It's ridiculous that I have to continue to do this. You don't HAVE to - you CHOOSE to. What's stopping you from moving out and paying half the rent until the lease is up? Nothing that's what. Pay half the rent and none of the utilities. Come to a written agreement on any joint debt you have (car loan, Credit Card, etc). Have you filed for Divorce/Separation yet? This is important as it sets a financial "begin of separation" date - that is to say, if SHE runs up CC debt after you file...guess who is 100% responsible for said charges - yup, her. IF she runs them up before filing, its a family debt and you get to pay half of HER charges. Stop sitting around whining about it - hire your lawyer, file for D (or legal separation) and get out. 4
amaysngrace Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 These things are always best handled under the advice of a family lawyer. Find one. 3
Emilia Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Rent. Can't afford to move because she won't get a job. Married 5 years. Forced to live here under financial strain. I'm being walked all over. My daughter is my priority. School is my wife's. my mother in law is with her while I work. It's ridiculous that I have to continue to do this. Second that, find a lawyer 1
carhill Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Here's what I wrote on the topic over two years ago: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/260578-what-does-she-want-me-do#post3192181
Author Thx55 Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Thanks for the replies. We can't afford to pay for 2 places because she has no job. My daughter is here and by all means I'd just take her to live with me. Bottom line. She Has no income coming in and is basically set to live off of her mothers retirement. Which is not enough?
Emilia Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Thanks for the replies. We can't afford to pay for 2 places because she has no job. My daughter is here and by all means I'd just take her to live with me. Bottom line. She Has no income coming in and is basically set to live off of her mothers retirement. Which is not enough? Talk to a solicitor. It is very important how you come across in court during divorce proceedings and you don't want to look as if you are threatening to take your daughter. 1
jwi71 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Thanks for the replies. We can't afford to pay for 2 places because she has no job. My daughter is here and by all means I'd just take her to live with me. Bottom line. She Has no income coming in and is basically set to live off of her mothers retirement. Which is not enough? There is no 'we" anymore. Its you and her. Stop worrying about HER and worry about YOU. If SHE cant afford the rent then SHE can get off her happy azz and get something I call a job. All of that is NOT your problem. Its hers. Hire a lawyer, file for D and move out. The only stopping you is YOU. 3
amaysngrace Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 There is no 'we" anymore. Its you and her. Stop worrying about HER and worry about YOU. If SHE cant afford the rent then SHE can get off her happy azz and get something I call a job. All of that is NOT your problem. Its hers. Hire a lawyer, file for D and move out. The only stopping you is YOU. Exactly. Maybe she'll have to put off school for a while but that's not your problem.
2sure Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 She isnt your responsibility. Take any credit you have and leave. Get your name off the lease and tell her you are moving. Do not pay the rent. Put aside 20 percent of your gross for child support. She will pay the rent. If she can't, you will get custody until she does.
Nyla Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Why can't your wife go to school part time and get a job? That is what I do. She has the luxury of not getting a job because you allow it.
moomin Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Hi mate - are you holding on hoping for some sort of reconciliation? I agree with getting the right help here. I hate the fact that she thinks that it is ok to leech off you and whilst I admire you are looking to your daughter here as the reason why you do it, she is young and will adjust to the changes you enforce now and you can be a stronger person for her when you have your own place. Face some facts too, your ex is shagging someone else, you owe her nowt so stop being a doormat and either move out and agree what you are willing to contribute and the rest is for you to live on. IE if you earn 1000, then take your rent and living costs into account first and then what ever you have left is what you can consider contributing towards. She will need to get a job to pay her side or her new boyfriend can cough up. MIL can also get a job / loan to fund HER daughters education - NOT you or the mom/daughter can look to get any benefits if they exist with you out of the picture that will benefit your daughter too. If you have your own bank account transfer your wages into it. Cancel all dd's rent/utilities related and make sure they come to the house. Inform people you are no longer living at this location and advise any rental agent that you no longer live here and the responsibility is now with the MIL/Ex. Once they get the cold shock you will get what you want. As I said too, the disruption to your kid is short lived in the grand scheme of things and as long as your new place can always take her and if you have family that can support then if it ever gets bad for your daughter you can always take her to live with you and lean on family to help out or any benefits that may exist for childcare. Good luck but man up as how you live is unacceptable. 1
Janesays Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Dude. Don't take any of this advice. If you bolt or cut your wife and daughter off without the permission of a judge, you could be in a WORLD of hurt later. Legally, she is your responsibility until the courts determine she isn't, so get your butt to court ASAP. 2
moomin Posted February 24, 2013 Posted February 24, 2013 I agree the daughter is the responsibility but not mother in law and not the mom after they have split up. She has moved on so you need to do the same and as far as any legal ruling, well I am sorry but the judge is always going to go against you if you wait however you have a right to live elsewhere and these costs come in first before any disposable income are considered whereas right now you are funding their lifestyle. If you have not divorced or legally split up then you can tell the judge she has been unfaithful to you in the marriage and so its not your fault in the divorce... Consider this, in a few years time she will be educated and employable and be able to earn, she will also be with her new man and they will more than likely co-habit with you and the MIL. Eventually you will have to move out as they more than likely wont and it will become more harder for you. This advice is given to protect you in the long term as you have to move on and you have to have your own life if she has cut you out. She cannot have her cake and eat it and this is what she is doing so move on out, let the state benefit system if it exist step in and support her and if the judge questions why you had to leave, then frankly I would argue emotional abuse making the home unlivable as she is parading new partner in front of you, refusing to co-operate on any joint plan to share income and emotionally blackmailing you with your daughter. As I said before also, once you have 'manned up' and have your own world your daughter can be part of it. As for the comment before about not taking my advice, you are entitled to your own opinion on what is right and wrong and local laws and state support may be different but ask yourself this, can you live like this any longer and can you be a solid male role model to your kid by being a doormat? Move on - like most people would in your situation.
Author Thx55 Posted February 28, 2013 Author Posted February 28, 2013 I don't plan on sticking around here. I want to move and they are saving money to do the same.
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