Couldntbemoreupset Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Hi guys, I was trying like mad to get my gf back when we first broke up. You know the type, that immediate post break up logic, 'Texting her 700 times without reply will really turn her on', 'oh why dont i cry begging into her voicemail, that'll work' 'text her everything great about her' 'text her everything bad about her, really personal info she gave me and use it against her' 'accuse her of being a cheating b**ch*, when there is no evidence of that' 'Oh I know, I'll tell her im going to hang myself from the goalposts in her town if she doesnt talk to me, that'll be a real turn on' So I then went no contact....(although ound out from a friend she has since changed her number), after threatening to call the police on my behaviour!!!!!!!!! Well hey, i did it all wrong. Everything. Truth told, I had a problem, a secret. We dated for 4 years, but in the last year after some really bad health problems I developed an alcohol addiction. She never knew, doesnt know. I hid it great because i'm quite succesful, good job etc. I have been NC despite the number changing. I never actually knew this. That's been two weeks. Yes I still want her back. I can see through mutual friends facebooks that shes been partying really hard. Why not, she deserves it. Anyway what i want to know is. Would a letter confessing my problem and apologising for all my wrongs of the last year, be a silly breaking of NC. I mean, i hurt her bad. She deserves it. My posts three weeks ago were all 'poor mes', whereas now i feel 'poor her'. I want her back, yes! But i want her to be happy, and want to move on myself. Is this letter wrong. TARA, you were right i needed to stop two weeks ago. I have so much clarity for doing it. I have let two girls read my letter, two girls that said 'leave her and sont contact her', having had read it, they both say.....go for it....its perfect no matter how she responds. Whether she ignores it, or jumps back into your arms, it's the right way to leave it. Thoughts.......yes Tara, even you lol 1
mishy Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I just wouldn't do it. Confessing to alcoholism won't do anything and she might think you are trying to guilt her or look for pity. She has changed her number so just take that as a sign that she is done. As horrible as that is to bear. It also might be too soon for this yet.
Mack05 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) Dear god NO!!!!!!!!!NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!! Dude I was you. Instead of alcohol it was gambling. The 700 texts and emails. Didn't threaten the goal post stuff, but pretty much everything else. She called the police etc. I can honestly say it was one of the best life lessons I ever got. Now I stupidly decided one day to do what you are about to do (before the police got involved). Confess stuff she didn't know about my past and other such things I am REALLY not proud of. I did it so that she would never come back to me cause I knew she was a great girl and deserved someone who could make her happy. In my state at that time it was never going to be me. At least that is how I rationalised it in my head. Dumb fkuking move! After more mails, calls and texts the police got involved!! The thing is her opinion of you right now won't change no matter what you say in this letter. The damage is done and it's irreversible. I know why you want to send this letter. You are hoping deep down she will reply and be understanding. Who knows maybe even take you back. That is never going to happen. If you feel the need to say sorry and confess, wait six months starting today. Your apology will feel far more genuine and you will be in a place where you have emotional control (right now you don't). I texted my ex 6 months after our messy breakup (it was new years eve). I owed her an apology and felt after 6 months, me contacting her would not in anyway set her back or upset her. Ok initially I was wrong in my thinking, as she replied with a text saying "I hate you" (caught her at a bad time). I had put together a letter over the six months and despite the text, I decided sent it to her anyway. I was pretty sure she would ignore. To my surprise she rang later and we had a cordial chat in which we were both very mature. She made it clear at the end of the conversation that she never wanted to her from me again. I made her a promise that she will never hear from me again and its a promise I will never break. Now when I made the attempt after the breakup to make peace, confess and say sorry it was a DISASTER. When I waited six months she accepted my apology, we wished each other well and we both got the closure we needed. I'm sure she still thinks little of me, but she showed the class to forgive and move on. I will always think so highly of her for that as she owed me nothing. Think about it...The right thing to do is put 110% of your focus on beating this alcohol dependency. If you can make real progress on that then this letter will really mean something (it won't right now). You can't be in a happy healthy relationship while you have such a dependency on alcohol. Fight this, beat this and then send the letter. It will give you that closure you need to move forward...Right now there is no rational sense/logic in that head of yours. Trust me I've been there and had to fight my battles...DONT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE.. Edited February 21, 2013 by Mack05
Author Couldntbemoreupset Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Dear god NO!!!!!!!!!NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!! Dude I was you. Instead of alcohol it was gambling. The 700 texts and emails. Didn't threaten the goal post stuff, but pretty much everything else. She called the police etc. I can honestly say it was one of the best life lessons I ever got. .. I know the gambling too from a few years back buddy. Anyway, I totally agree with you, hence the post rather than just sending it. What skews my logic is the two girls that have read the letter changing their view so drastically. It wishes her well, tells her that I am focussing on me, and that she neednt worry. She has been texting family of mine saying she is worried i'm going to hurt myself. I just feel like it puts her mind at ease. Plus we are quite likely to bump into each other again soon (once i start leaving my apartment). So i dont want to have to hide. She wouldnt have ever gone to the police. I was texting drunk, not turning up at her house. She was just being angry, remember that I do know the girl i'm sending this to....Does that count for anything here? I mean I know that giving her reassurance of her decision (when all ive done to this point is criticise it) will actually show her the love i claim to have....and actually for once, be in her best interests. Answers on a postcard lol
Mack05 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 If you bump into each other a simple hello will do. It's going to be akward whether you send the letter or not. You are doing what I did. You are trying to rationalise how she will view this letter/confession. You will believe it will give her peace of mind. The truth is the best peace of mind you can give her right now is not contacting her. You need to understand right now she doesn't want to hear from you. She doesn't care about apologises or confessions. All she wants is space and peace to move on with her life so please respect that. Don't take the opinions of two girls who are your friends and have no emotional attachment to this situation. In this case their opinions in this scenario are irrelevant. Your ex has a very different thought process, so please stop trying to guess what that thought process is. If you need to this apology, please please trust me and wait six months. If you truly care about her give her space and peace right now..
Author Couldntbemoreupset Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 You are a funny guy despite getting dumped, I'll give you that. PEace Funny thing about what you just said....she told me the night she dumped me that she still considers me to be the funniest person she has ever met. Moreover, Nothing about the letter suggests 'down and out', the behaviour beforehand suggests that. The letter seeks no pity. It takes responsibility. Hopefully off of her. I expected a 'NO' reaction. I also maybe expected one person at least to give a reason why it would be a good thing. I think the reason if gives me closure is that it allows me to walk with dignity as opposed to leaving like the total scumbag of a few weeks back.
Mack05 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) Yeah you going to send the letter anyway. Doesn't matter how many replies u got saying don't do it. Been there worn the t-shirt. You are being selfish mate. I was too. Just read the last section.."I think the reason if gives me closure is that it allows me to walk with dignity as opposed to leaving like the total scumbag of a few weeks back" If you love her and are really regretful, it should be about HER. Not ME. The thing is she knows you are not a scumbag. She knows you regret the behaviour. She knows you won't do anything silly. Now she just wants to be left alone. Please trust me on this. If you want to leave a better impression, leave it for 6 months. A letter now will make little difference. They are just words from an emotionally unhealthy guy. They mean nothing nothing to her. I promise you waiting is right thing to do..Keep a draft of the letter now safe. Then edit it for six months. The change in the letter will stun you.. Edited February 21, 2013 by Mack05
Author Couldntbemoreupset Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Yeah you going to send the letter anyway. Doesn't matter how many replies u got saying don't do it. Been there worn the t-shirt. You are being selfish mate. I was too. Just read the last section.."I think the reason if gives me closure is that it allows me to walk with dignity as opposed to leaving like the total scumbag of a few weeks back" If you love her and are really regretful, it should be about HER. Not ME. The thing is she knows you are not a scumbag. She knows you regret the behaviour. She knows you won't do anything silly. Now she just wants to be left alone. Please trust me on this. If you want to leave a better impression, leave it for 6 months. A letter now will make little difference. They are just words from an emotionally unhealthy guy. They mean nothing nothing to her. I promise you waiting is right thing to do..Keep a draft of the letter now safe. Then edit it for six months. The change in the letter will stun you.. GREAT POST. Ok i was going to need to post her a lot of her stuff back. Passport etc. Just send all that with no letter?
Mack05 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 GREAT POST. Ok i was going to need to post her a lot of her stuff back. Passport etc. Just send all that with no letter? Can you give her stuff to someone who can pass it on to her? Focus on your addiction and get on top of it. Accept in life, things end not in the way we sometimes hope. Vow to never make the same mistakes again with another girl. Until you do those things, a letter means nothing no matter what the content.. After six months of hard work you still want to send the letter, then send it..
Recommended Posts