ls32ssibm Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 "Tis better to have lost and lost than never loved before" - little known fact, this was written with the notion that your loved one died, not that they dumped you and ran off with Nathan on Facebook. So, while we are being realistic; I'll lead with one, because it's helped me a lot. Feel free to add; 1. Never consider yourself as ONLY part of a couple. It's great to be exclusive, and I'm not suggesting that you should be unfaithful, but never lose track of who you are as an individual. This way, if you split, you don't feel like a part of you has died. 4
mishy Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 2. He won't treat the next girl any better than he did you
stevie_23 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 3. A breakup is not about you as a person who was "unsuitable" or "unloveable", it's about both of you when combined in a relationship and many, MANY factors contribute to it not working out.
todreaminblue Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 "Tis better to have lost and lost than never loved before" - little known fact, this was written with the notion that your loved one died, not that they dumped you and ran off with Nathan on Facebook. So, while we are being realistic; I'll lead with one, because it's helped me a lot. Feel free to add; 1. Never consider yourself as ONLY part of a couple. It's great to be exclusive, and I'm not suggesting that you should be unfaithful, but never lose track of who you are as an individual. This way, if you split, you don't feel like a part of you has died. quote......fix.....'tis better to have loved and lost than never loved before....end quote...deb
BUBS Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 4. Be wary of your actions throughout the relationship, a great deal of pain dumpees experience is blaming themselves for things they did/said, therefore by carrying yourself in the relationship in a way you would respect afterwards you will at least be sure you were a good partner and that the break up didn't occur because of your antics. 2
todreaminblue Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 4. Be wary of your actions throughout the relationship, a great deal of pain dumpees experience is blaming themselves for things they did/said, therefore by carrying yourself in the relationship in a way you would respect afterwards you will at least be sure you were a good partner and that the break up didn't occur because of your antics. i dont know about being wary that sounds like walking on egg shells, you should be free to say how you feel without abuse and then if you make a mistake be prepared to admit it.......the part about being a good partner i agree with..be sure that you were but realize everyone makes mistakes,...deb
candie13 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 5. At least at the beginning, keep your social life separate from your love life. Slightly, very carefully, introduce them to your friends - rather later than earlier. Dates come and go, you may not want everyone to know them - even if they did hear you go on and on and on about them. Just in case ! You'll be very grateful, if you two split up
candie13 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 6. Don't bring them to your favorite coffee shop or favorite restaurant. Or at least don't make out of those places "your thing". Or place you go to all the time - do you really want to ruin that for yourself, if things turn sour?
Amelie1980 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 2. He won't treat the next girl any better than he did you I don't think that's true. The next girl may be more what he's looking for and he'd move heaven and earth for her.
candie13 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 7. People are generally afraid of the same things / hate the same things, from one relationship to the the next. Keep your ears and your eyes open, and ask a lot of questions as to why the past relationships didn't work and how s/he reacted to certain situation. You almost always have their pattern in front of you, should you take the time to ask all the questions and "read" it.
candie13 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I don't think that's true. The next girl may be more what he's looking for and he'd move heaven and earth for her. If they stay together long enough, attraction and infatuation will fade. S/he will treat the SO the same way s/he is used to normally treat partners (good, bad, manipulative, people never fundamentally change). So while they may keep on their good behavior, they will fall back on their "normal" selves, eventually. The only difference is that s/he may be married, by that stage .
Amelie1980 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 7. People are generally afraid of the same things / hate the same things, from one relationship to the the next. Keep your ears and your eyes open, and ask a lot of questions as to why the past relationships didn't work and how s/he reacted to certain situation. You almost always have their pattern in front of you, should you take the time to ask all the questions and "read" it. I tried....he wouldn't discuss it with me at all. He didn't tell me.about his past until qe split up. I would have understood so much more had I known when we were together.
candie13 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Read this: 4. Be wary of your actions throughout the relationship, a great deal of pain dumpees experience is blaming themselves for things they did/said, therefore by carrying yourself in the relationship in a way you would respect afterwards you will at least be sure you were a good partner and that the break up didn't occur because of your antics. It is your responsibility to ask all the questions, to have all the information, before jumping ahead. You're not? You've got no one else to blame but yourself. Actually, if a guy wants to go really fast, it's because he knows he cannot keep up his act for a long period of time. Big red flag, right in front of your eyes! Open eyes, open ears, listen to what you're being told and look at facts! I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy the moment... but yeah, don't be an easy target!
Sugarkane Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 7. People are generally afraid of the same things / hate the same things, from one relationship to the the next. Keep your ears and your eyes open, and ask a lot of questions as to why the past relationships didn't work and how s/he reacted to certain situation. You almost always have their pattern in front of you, should you take the time to ask all the questions and "read" it. People can lie a lot. My ex had friends from years ago. He is still a callous person no matter what. He was friends with an ex, yet still dumped me by text after a year. And everyone took his cheaters side because he's "fun". Or such BS. People can be popular and have no conscience.
Amelie1980 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Read this: It is your responsibility to ask all the questions, to have all the information, before jumping ahead. You're not? You've got no one else to blame but yourself. Actually, if a guy wants to go really fast, it's because he knows he cannot keep up his act for a long period of time. Big red flag, right in front of your eyes! Open eyes, open ears, listen to what you're being told and look at facts! I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy the moment... but yeah, don't be an easy target! Actually it's not what they say that matters. its what they do. My ex said our relationship felt right in everyway, referred to his new house as an investment for our future..... Look how it ended. People can tell you whatever they like. Look at the actions instead.
candie13 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 a person's past is more than his ex. Is the girl before. and the one before that. And the quality of his friends. Type of people he surrounds himself with. And if your friends take his side after such a treatment, then this guy did you two favors: first one is dumping you, the second one is making sure these fake friends leave your life. I couldn't sleep at night if I realized that people I spend my spare time with would treat me this way or think of me this much. Guys come and go, friends are supposed to keep each other's back! You may not realize it now, but you are so lucky to have met him! Make sure you learn everything you need to learn from this experience, otherwise it'll happen again! 1
candie13 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Actually it's not what they say that matters. its what they do. My ex said our relationship felt right in everyway, referred to his new house as an investment for our future..... Look how it ended. People can tell you whatever they like. Look at the actions instead. my last phrase includes "look at FACTS, too". I totally agree with your post, you're reinforcing my very own ideas.
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