JBB84 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I've never been a fan of staying friends with an ex, but what do you do when you dated someone who was previously a really good friend? It feels like the worst case scenario possible Here's the story: I always kind of had a thing for this friend of mine, but we were never both single at the same time. We became friends around 4 years ago and had little make-out sessions here and there over the years, nothing serious though. Then last June, we were both single at the same time and started hooking up hard core, hanging out every weekend, basically together for about 5 months until she pulled the rug out from under me and said she wants us to be friends again. I have been making a mediocre effort at being just friends, but she started dating someone new and it just hurts to see it. I definitely don't want to meet the guy. She really wants us to remain friends though. Her birthday is coming up and she asked if I'll be attending. I told her that as of now I need space. I really do, for my own mind, but I just don't know if the friendship is ruined forever or not. I really do care about her and don't want to completely lose her, but I think it might hurt more to stay and watch her be with someone else. I've been majorly depressed about trying to figure out what to do about this.
Apolodor Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 She gave you a chance (5 months is a long time), things did not work out, so you need to move on. If I were you I'd cut off all contact with this friend and I'd try to find something to do more meaningful than wasting my time thinking about her. Think about it: while you suffer in silence she's having a good time with her new boyfriend. Don't squander your life on things and people who are not worth it! 3
Damian12 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 If u can't emotionally detach yourself with her. And be friends. Then you guys cant be friends Because you want her to be your gf. But she wants you for either attention or fun. But not a relationship. I could be wrong. Dont go to her party. You'll only witness more things you don't want to see. Make plans to see friends. 1
Author JBB84 Posted February 23, 2013 Author Posted February 23, 2013 Thanks, this was the direction I have been leaning in. I don't think I would be respecting myself by going to that party - my feelings matter, too. Its crazy that I "feel bad" about withdrawing myself when she is the one who did not want to be with me. It sucks to lose the relationship but its probably for the best. I just don't want to come off as an immature brat who is acting like a sore loser, ya know?
Damian12 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Id just text her and say happy birthday, have a great party. Can't make it tonight. I believe that you can still respect an ex and give an answer to not show. Thats me though 1
cavalier99 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Unfortunately any friendship with her is DOOMED for the next year or 2. You need to recover. Sorry hard core NC is the only solution. 1
Standard-Fare Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Sometimes I don't think people here give the best advice. I think you're already doing the best thing. It was very mature and honest for you to tell her you needed space. It may hurt her feelings that you're not going to her birthday, but your priority needs to be healing your own pain and getting over this. Why on earth would you want to witness her and her new boyfriend celebrating together? Since you guys do have this background of friendship, maybe there will be a time when that will be possible again. I imagine it wouldn't be until you are also dating someone else, or at least can genuinely wish her the best in her relationship without feeling envy or anger. 1
Author JBB84 Posted February 24, 2013 Author Posted February 24, 2013 Yeah, I'm not going to go to it. Now that I think about it, its actually really rude of her to expect me to come. I HAVE been working out a lot, though. Maybe I'll stop by if I look particularly good, ha. Just a little fantasy I have going on, I most likely won't, though. I'm not trying to fraternize with this new guy. And fxck her for playing sad about not hanging out with me anymore.
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