Alsuna Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 Somewhere around week 8 into NC. The past week was hell. Constant gloomy thoughts. Irritated by the presence of other people, having the feeling of anger deep inside all the time. Beating myself up, because I don't try my best at school, in the gym and at work. My ex is over the first bad period, he started to go out again, and have fun, and it just makes me crazy. Even it shouldn't bother me, because it's obviously over for good. But i really want him to feel miserable, i want him to feel like the loser, not me. I'm not progressing with my weight loss as fast as I wanted, I'm still doing good at school, but it could be still better. I completely lack motivation, and I can't channel this feeling of anger into something productive. I feel angry and paralyzed ALL THE TIME. Next week I have my birthday, and I'm gonna celebrate it far away from my family and friends. I'm gonna go out with a friend, who is in the same situation as me, except her post BU trauma phase lasts already 3 years. Somehow I can't see anything positive in my life anymore, no achievement counts, I only see the bits I did wrong. I used to lift my mood with junk food and crappy dramas or reality shows. But as I want to lose weight, I have to get my hands off junk food, movies and television don't entertain me anymore. Anybody has any ideas how I could get over this anger phase faster? I'm tired of being bitter, and it sure doesn't attract any new friends.
destroyed4sho Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 I should mention - even though he was a great guy - we both had issues. I was aware of the issues during the relationship and chose to accept them so I'm choosing not to dwell on them now. Sure he could have done things differently/better....but I chalk it up to him being human and imperfect. Had I done the breaking up, I'm sure he'd be able to think back to bad things about me... I do get really negative thoughts sometimes - I wonder whether he left me for someone else, if he had never wanted me, whether he had known that he had wanted to break up for a long time and whether I could have fixed things if I had picked up on the signs earlier... but then I decide that it doesn't matter. doesn't help to dwell on those things. When I chose to love him, I chose to trust him so I will trust that he meant what he said to me during the BU...and even if he didn't, it was to protect my feelings so I respect that. forgiving him for breaking my heart, acknowledging that I did care for him immensely so its ok if it takes some time to heal and if i fall off the wagon a bit, accepting that it WILL get better and I WILL love again and even more intensely because now I know that I'm capable of it and it's wonderful - all of that helps! I also read that the feeligs of "infatuation" or in love go away after 2.5 years. But then afterwards that loveturns into something more real and stable...true love. That is good that you let him know about this...just another shot at sving the relationship. I guess the dumpers dont care and have a one track mind no matter how conving their partner maybe. I have the same thoughts.."did they ever love me for real?" how can someone just dump you and not want to try to fix things if they really loved you? This just doesnt process in my head....maybe im too logical and always need a logical explanation for things. Another depression thought that cones into myhead often is as we get older and more jaded, how on erth can we give others a fair chance? I am more likely now to just leave if someone dies the slightest thing that shows me they would be like my ex or if they start showing signs of falling out of love 1
Thunderchild Posted February 22, 2013 Posted February 22, 2013 (edited) Newbie here - replying to 1st thread. Theses boards (and your experiences) are so helpful. On day 6 of NC, day 6 after break up. Me:50 ex-GF:44. I only found out about NC a couple of days ago, but had instinctively already started to cleanse her from my life the moment I demanded that she leave my house. She was visiting to dump me, we didn't live together. Photos removed, e-mails/Social Networks blocked, mobile contacts erased, emergency documentation shredded. I started my new fitness regime on Tuesday 19th - which, so far hasn't killed me and have been doing a bit more reserach into NC. Plus, I'm trying to find some local activities to keep my mind off her. I'm a published author in the early stages of a (burgeoning) literary career, so spend a lot of time at home. Fortunately, I'm too stiff-necked to beg and plead, plus I was in shock at the break up and took several hours to simply calm down from the outrage and an overwhelming urge to commit homicide. She cheated on me at her work Xmas party and is now pregnant by another man after 5 years with me! She confessed to me on February 16th - the day the doctor confirmed her pregnancy - and, I'm pretty sure I would never have known but for that. She probably couldn't hide the bump from me for very long. On the down-side, during the brief exchange of the break up I (unfortunately) said that "I really thought we had a chance to make a go of things." To which she replied that "we did not have a future" then mumbled something about having to walk her dogs and "I'm sorry" at which point I responded "No, you're not" and angrily demanded her to depart from my presence. How bad do you think the damage is from the "I thought we had a chance to make a go of things" remark is???? I did (assertively) remove her from my presence with a dismissive wave - I'm actually quite proud of that one considering the circumstances (!) So, now (I suspect) a long wait. On the plus side, I have always treated the ladies in my life with kindness, consideration and respect, and (unless she is a total psychopath) there should be some Attachment. So, after 5 years, I should be well embedded under her skin. I was very supportive of her during our relationship in everything she was trying to do, and especially through a very nasty bullying allegation made against her at work that ran for nearly a year - I used to work in Human Resources and knew the law, policies and systems back to front and three ways to Christmas. in the end she beat the allegation. Plus, being a single mum ain't gonna be easy. Her nearest family are about 600 miles away from her. On the minus side, she's pregnant at the age of 44 having been told that she could never have children. She'll be going through her own particular nightmare right now. So, NC is probably the right answer. So, at the moment, my logical head is saying "She cheated on you, ditch the b*tch", but the heart wants what the heart wants. I wil have to break NC at some point (post-30/60 days [don't know which one yet] - I have valuable property at her home). But, I'll leave it as long as I can and cross that particular bridge when I reach it. Then, I suspect another episode of NC when she tries to push the "let's be friends" line. I really was good to her (and that is not an exaggeration). But, a cheater is a cheater, I certainly can't see me being friends with her, and I don't even know if I really want to be with her - I'm probably just burning the residual 'love' chemicals from my system. And, in a few weeks I may well simply be wondering what the H*ll I was getting so upset about! Thanks for listening to the ramble PS - I'm also angry as H*ll with the guy who she did the deed with!! If I ever find out who it was he can expect several weeks/months of hospital food through a drinking straw. He may not have known that she was with me, but whatever happened to condoms?? Edited February 22, 2013 by Thunderchild
iouaname Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 After a few days of feeling really low and having the urge to contact my ex, yesterday I felt really good. I didn't have any urges to talk to him and I just focused on myself. Today I'm still feeling pretty good. Not as good as yesterday, but I'm counting my blessings and trying not to feel too down. It's been quite a while since I spoke to him, but I count today as Day 10 only because I'm also counting checking up on him - which I used to do just to see what he was up to, and haven't at all lately ^_^
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