BUBS Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I've been going through a huge transition in my life, and I feel like I may be experiencing a quarter life crisis. I've never posted outside of the break up forums but I figured I'd give it a shot. My ex fiance left me a few months ago, on top of this my closest friends moved to different states or stopped speaking to me. My family is in shambles, my finances are in the ****ter, and I've been going through a serious rut questioning what steps to take next... my issue is I don't think I have any discipline... it sounds weird to acknowledge that but it really dawned on me today that I have NO control over myself. I have gotten so unbelievably lazy to anything that requires even the most minimal effort. Paperwork goes untouched, homework and studying gets put off or not done at all. I purchased a gym membership for the new year and haven't gone in weeks. I tell myself everyday that I need to get a grip, that I'm not going to find joy or any type of self identity sitting on facebook all day long playing games, yet I can't control myself. Does anyone else have this issue? I have no hobbies, no passions, no self-respect any longer. I really want to get a grip but it all seems overwhelming, I don't know where to start because I realized most of who I thought I was, or what I thought I wanted had to do with my relationships with the very people that have left my life... I have no independence in all respects. Any advice on where to begin the process of rebuilding from the ground up? I can't even motivate myself to shower on some days. I've become so lazy and don't know how to break the habit or how to organize things. I'm starting to wonder if I've detached myself from reality so far because of a desperation to see,do, try and complete everything that I do nothing at all because theres just too much to do. What the hell?!
skydiveaddict Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 No suggestions? Join the military. You will gain self respect and discipline. 1
pie2 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) BUBS, I think you're probably experiencing a bit of a depression. After everything that's happened, it's no wonder your going through this period of adjustment. So, I think the first thing to do is to not put a lot of pressure on yourself to be 100% right away. Just the fact that you know something isn't right shows that you're moving (slowly) in the right direction. Secondly, start VERY small. Like, for the first week, just set a small goal (like, just setting your alarm...you don't actually have to get up). The following week, set your goals a little higher. I also think that scheduling time frames might help. For example, maybe next Wednesday evening you can set a time from 5-6 (or whatever) to do a little paperwork. And when you accomplish this goal, reward yourself with something that you like. I know it probably sounds juvenile, but I think it works Edited February 21, 2013 by pie2 1
florence of suburbia Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I feel like this sometimes, especially on the weekends when I have less structure. I want to stay in bed all morning, then get up and eat/read/surf the Internet...I tell myself I want to organize the house and do housework but before I know it the day is done. I think it's partly because I can't get passionate about that stuff. It's also that the transition is the hardest part. If I can just make the first move to get up off the couch and tell myself, vacuum for five minutes or just take the laundry down to the washing machine, then once I get started I'm good. Going to the gym is hard, especially in the winter. I injured myself in the late fall and I haven't been back since. Gotta get back on that horse...but the hard part is just getting in the car and going! I'd love to know if anyone has book recommendations on discipline and motivation. Then I could read them instead of cleaning my house! 1
Author BUBS Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Thanks for the responses! I do think that what you are saying makes sense. I am def experiencing terrible depression, anxiety, the works. I like your idea... its so hard for me to slow my mind down enough to feel like doing something as simple as setting my alarm is an accomplishment despite the fact that it sure beats doing nothing at all like I have been. I'm always getting ahead of myself mentally to the point where I am burnt out before I even start just thinking of the immense amount of stuff I need to get done in the real world let alone when it comes to focusing on my future or what I want. Though I'm not sure of what I want anyhow.
florence of suburbia Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Thanks for the responses! I do think that what you are saying makes sense. I am def experiencing terrible depression, anxiety, the works. I like your idea... its so hard for me to slow my mind down enough to feel like doing something as simple as setting my alarm is an accomplishment despite the fact that it sure beats doing nothing at all like I have been. I'm always getting ahead of myself mentally to the point where I am burnt out before I even start just thinking of the immense amount of stuff I need to get done in the real world let alone when it comes to focusing on my future or what I want. Though I'm not sure of what I want anyhow. Absolutely break it down into micro baby steps. Also, tell yourself I only have to do this for five minutes and then I can stop if I want to. Another trick, set a fairly simple goal and then write down the steps to reach it, but map out the steps backwards, for example... Walk 30 min on treadmill Go inside and deal with people staring at me Drive to the gym Get dressed Shower Eat breakfast, have coffee Get up by 7 Lights out by 10:30 Read in bed Set alarm Start getting ready for bed by 9:30 The reason you make the list backwards is it helps you to anticipate any preparation that might be required to meet the goal and work around any roadblocks, like getting to bed too late the night before. 2
happykat Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 it really dawned on me today that I have NO control over myself. Dude! You have to just knock that off.. Obviously, you are depressed and probably need help.. But this statement stood out to me because.. hmm... this is hard to explain.. but ok I will try. -- I recently have "come out" of a very long depression brought on by death,divorce,extreme financial hardship.. and what finally helped me was realizing (finally!) that everything I do is under my control and that my life is the product of my decisions. It probably seems silly, but most of my life I kind of coasted along, and life seemed like it was something that just sort of happened to me... And it did feel out of control.. But when I grew up and realized that every little decision was mine and I was in control of my life, my outlook and disposition completely changed (pretty much overnight). It is my choice to get up early for work, my choice to eat right and not stop at Burger King, my choice to go to the gym or take a walk, my choice to be friendly to people and try to make someone smile today, my choice to take a class to learn new things, my choice to join a meetup group to meet new people and enrich my life, my choice to keep my house clean. Please choose better, life is short!! choose to enjoy it and be happy! 1
pie2 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I'm always getting ahead of myself mentally to the point where I am burnt out before I even start just thinking of the immense amount of stuff I need to get done in the real world let alone when it comes to focusing on my future or what I want. Though I'm not sure of what I want anyhow. You don't have to have it all figured out right now. You're in a period of your life where you're coping with devestation, learning to re-group, figuring out what really matters. As long as your basic needs are being met, all the rest is gravy. If something doesn't get done today, don't worry about it. It wasn't meant to be. 1
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