So this is how the story ends

February 20, 2013

So I just thought I'd let everyone know how it all ended in the end.

He was still texting me, still wanting to cheat on his girlfriend etc. I stuck to what I said on here and did not sleep with him again, since that "one last time" horrible thing in November.

Anyway, we actually got on a good level somehow. We were talking about starting a business together, a retail shop. Anyway we were talking about that , i was writing a business plan, and he really wanted to do it.

Anyway one day when I was texting him about a shop for lease sending photos, he went all silent for a coupe of days, wouldn't reply to anything. Anyway he ended up saying he had a lot going on and that he might be moving to another state, right across the country. Completely out of the blue. Since he has children and grandchildren here and dogs, I thought it was odd, because it was a long way away. It would be a really huge move that would take a lot of organising and it didn't fit since just a couple of days earlier he was saying whether we could afford to rent this or that shop.

Anyway it just didn't make sense. This was only about 10 days ago.

Then he texted me yesterday saying he was there! he had flown over yestday and was starting a new job over there today. Lol and that he is staying there forever.

So I said right ok, we'll good luck with it all, hope it goes well etc, made out I was all happy for him. I said that it would have been good to have a proper goodbye since we won't be in contact now.

I called to say good bye and he was just totally horrible, answered the phone with "WHAT!!?" And I said we'll I'm just calling to say goodbye, and he said well they wanted me to come over early etc

i go, I'm just shocked you've gone so suddenly, I'm just shocked, and he goes

"shocked that I have a LIFE??!!"

I said " Ok, I'll just leave it there then" and said good bye, he said bye and i hung up

What an absolute horrible toxic man

And the whole thing is I know he is lying, there is no logic to him going , it's just the same as when he lied about going to Melbourne five years ago after freaking out because of me wanting more or something. Well I believe he is actually there, but I think it's only for a temporary bus driving job because of the town it is

Anyway a lie is a lie

Edited February 20, 2013 by mishy

February 20, 2013

Jeezuskerrist, why did you even bother wasting the 'phone call....?

You know precisely what the creep is like - you've been drawing us diagrams for goodness knows how long - Why even bother giving him the satisfaction of an acknowledgement??

Do you think he will try to call you again?

You know NOW what to do - don't you - ?

February 21, 2013

Jeezuskerrist, why did you even bother wasting the 'phone call....?

You know precisely what the creep is like - you've been drawing us diagrams for goodness knows how long - Why even bother giving him the satisfaction of an acknowledgement??

Do you think he will try to call you again?
You know NOW what to do - don't you - ?

Oh, I am glad I called, because I got the satisfaction of saying ok i will leave it here , and hung up. He was a little taken aback, he was like um, ok bye...

I had the last word. I think I wanted to suss out if it was another lie.

He was just so venomous. He will expect to stay in contact for sure. He has told me he has gone there permanently, and I don't think fully expected me to go , ok see ya, no more contact then. I think he has gone there for a month or something and just told me he has moved there permanently because he has totally freaked out over the whole committing to a retail shop thing. That's what I think anyway. Just wanted space for a while

February 21, 2013

But in saying that, I am going with no contact and acting like he is telling me the truth

So just no contact. Horrible horrible man. When I was listening to him speak to me like that I was thinking man I wish your gf could hear you now.

I think she would have dumped him by now anyway

LOL

February 21, 2013

Well, mishy, you make sure you keep that upper hand on top, and Go No Contact, stay No Contact and kick him to the kerb.

He's been fooling you long enough.

It's 'showtime'.......

February 21, 2013

Well, mishy, you make sure you keep that upper hand on top, and Go No Contact, stay No Contact and kick him to the kerb.

He's been fooling you long enough.

It's 'showtime'.......

I will easily go no contact. It's like he has a split personality. He was happy to talk about the business and then he just pulled this stunt and the tone of his voice last night was just horrible. I mean he did the exact same thing when he lied about getting a job in Melbourne and talked to me on the phone telling me he was there and had this job and was staying because he met someone. This time, I could tell by the call last night that he was actually there, but I know from the town it is and where it is that he wouldn't be moving there permanently.

what he should have done was say he didn't want to do the business, instead of freaking out and pretending he's left town for good.

February 21, 2013

On a positive note, at least you didn't sleep with him again. On a negative note, what were you thinking going into business with this clown?

February 21, 2013

On a positive note, at least you didn't sleep with him again. On a negative note, what were you thinking going into business with this clown?

I know, I am really happy I didn't sleep with him again. The last time he tried was a fortnight ago, and I didn't answer the text

The business, yeah it was probably a very bad idea, and he has shown me that by leaving town like this.

We have been in contact every single day. I don't think he expected me to accept that he has left "forever" and that i wouldn't be in contact anymore. But I just accepted it. Now he isn't going to hear from me, and I know after a few days he will miss me. And i'll be long gone

Edited February 21, 2013 by mishy

February 21, 2013

i really really want to meet a nice normal guy.

The other day i bought that book The Rules, but its actually the new version, for the digital generation, is the subtitle

i have always known about this book, but always thought its for uptight prudes from the 1950s. But really its for me, who has no boundaries when it comes to men.

February 21, 2013

I just don't know why it's so necessary for him to be so horrible.

Even when I called him to say goodbye I was a little scared, yes scared, because i never know what mood he will be in, and when he yelled "WHAT!?!!" at me, i was like a mouse saying " I didn't call to have an argument, was just calling to say goodbye"

I am not a mouse person. I am assertive and outgoing and definitely not the meek passive female. But with him I am the opposite, just scared of treading on his toes.

I hadn't done anything to deserve that. He explained that he was just stressed, but still the tone of his voice was just utter contempt.

I can't think of a time I ever spoke an angry word to him really.

February 21, 2013

What in your mind would possess you to even consider starting a business with someone that has been so unreliable, uncommitted, irresponsible? The only reason I can come up with is that you were still wanting him in your life, whichever way possible. I can't imagine why you would want to even have anything to do with him after he treated you so shabbily, using you for sex the last time his itchy dick came around.

And now you ask why he is so horrible? Look at how he has treated you. Why are you expecting honorable behavior when all he's ever done to you is use you. You're acting surprised? Wake up Mishy.

Who cares about his tone to you on this ONE phonecall. Think back of all the other times he has treated you badly. You know why he treats you like this, because just as you realize you are scared to step on his toes, he knows that too. And when a man knows that a woman will lay on the floor and let him step all over her, he will mistreat you. And that is why he treats you with such disdain, it is because he has zero respect for you, he had zero respect for you then and he has zero respect for you now. He didn't even care to tell you he was moving at the last minute. That is how much of a priority you are to him.

I hope this is the last we hear about you engaging with this douche. If not, add another year to the already 5 that you have been sitting around and waiting for some miracle change to happen in terms of this man treating you with respect, love and kindness.

Edited February 21, 2013 by geegirl

February 22, 2013

Geegirl

I go over and over it in my head and i just think i expected he would change. I think its as simple as that old chestnut.

That is the only reason i think i kept on with seeing him. I thought maybe he will change his treatment of me, maybe it its me, maybe if i was nicer?

What i ended up being was so nice that he had no respect for me anyway. So everything you have said is exactly right.

Its a blessing he has gone, because i am forced to sever ties.

The business, i dont know, it was stupid idea. he seemed all for it until he took off. I can imagine now it would have been a disaster.

You are right, he doesnt like me at all, and has no respect for me. And i bet that even if i said that to him, he would confirm it was true.

*

Edited February 22, 2013 by mishy

February 22, 2013

I go over and over it in my head and i just think i expected he would change. I think its as simple as that old chestnut.

Understandable Mishy. But investing 5 years and some waiting for change? And waiting for change when he kept giving you nothing. Six months, one year...two years...time to check-out. Five years?

That is the only reason i think i kept on with seeing him. I thought maybe he will change his treatment of me, maybe it its me, maybe if i was nicer?

You should never conform into what you believe will make him love you. He should love you the way you are and if he doesn't, he will show you, and he did. That's your sign to get out.

What i ended up being was so nice that he had no respect for me anyway. So everything you have said is exactly right.

There's a line between nice and doormat. I think the fact that you invested 5 years hoping for change, you most likely turned yourself into a doormat. You can be nice but have boundaries. You had zero boundaries.

Its a blessing he has gone, because i am forced to sever ties.

Sever ties because you need to and want to.

The business, i dont know, it was stupid idea. he seemed all for it until he took off. I can imagine now it would have been a disaster.

It was a stupid idea. It was you again, being a doormat trying to create scenarios that will keep him in your life.

You are right, he doesnt like me at all, and has no respect for me. And i bet that even if i said that to him, he would confirm it was true.

You don't need his validation. Know it and let it help you move forward.

Edited February 22, 2013 by geegirl

February 22, 2013

I go over and over it in my head and i just think i expected he would change. I think its as simple as that old chestnut.

Understandable Mishy. But investing 5 years and some waiting for change? And waiting for change when he kept giving you nothing. Six months, one year...two years...time to check-out. Five years?

That is the only reason i think i kept on with seeing him. I thought maybe he will change his treatment of me, maybe it its me, maybe if i was nicer?

You should never conform into what you believe will make him love you. He should love you the way you are and if he doesn't, he will show you, and he did. That's your sign to get out.

What i ended up being was so nice that he had no respect for me anyway. So everything you have said is exactly right.

There's a line between nice and doormat. I think the fact that you invested 5 years hoping for change, you most likely turned yourself into a doormat. You can be nice but have boundaries. You had zero boundaries.

Its a blessing he has gone, because i am forced to sever ties.

Sever ties because you need to and want to.

The business, i dont know, it was stupid idea. he seemed all for it until he took off. I can imagine now it would have been a disaster.

It was a stupid idea. It was you again, being a doormat trying to create scenarios that will keep him in your life.

You are right, he doesnt like me at all, and has no respect for me. And i bet that even if i said that to him, he would confirm it was true.

You don't need his validation. Know it and let it help you move forward.

Thanks gee girl for saying all that. I am not a doormat with other people but I think my self esteem got so low with him that I became this very weak person with no boundaries.

I didn't get to say anything to his face before he left, or see him, and when he texted me that he was already gone, in a moment of anger I DID text him that he didn't like me or have any respect for me and that I know he doesn't, and he just ignored it, which just confirmed I was right.

Geegirl, I am afraid that this is just a hoax anyway. A couple of weeks ago when he told me he might be leaving town, I was upset and told him I didn't want him to go. He got a reaction. The town he is working in, theres no way he would be living there full time, and I know he is just doing a fly in fly out thing. So without going into too much detail i know he is lying about moving there "forever". And when I disappear believing him that he is gone, sure enough he will turn up again, saying it didn't work out over there or something.

So I think it's just another drama, him getting off on me not wanting him to go away, he has done all this before (pretending for 4 weeks to be living and working in Melbourne when he was here the whole time) spoke to him on the phone that whole time and he listened to me being upset he had left town, and it didn't bother him that he was lying.

He is an *********, who does that to someone?

It's scary that really I don't even know who the hell he is

I know it doesn't matter whether its a hoax or not, and that it is still over with him regardless of whether he has left for good or not. It is just that it adds to the mindf$$$ck

Edited February 22, 2013 by mishy

February 22, 2013

I just bought the book on eBay, How to Break Your Addiction to a Person, as someone has mentioned it here a few times. It's what I have, an addiction, and its not even about him because he doesn't actually give me anything, all he does is take, so why the hell am I so into him. It's just sick.

February 22, 2013

I've been with f***tards before Mishy. I completely understand what you are going through. The relationships that give you mindf***s, will always give you mindf***s.

The relationship that I am in now, it's, and in one simple word...easy. Funny now, there are days I look back and kick myself, wondering what the hell was I thinking getting involved with all that mess. I couldn't see it then, but can surely see it now because a healthy relationship doesn't consist of mindf***s, rollercoasters, pretzel twisting and drama. I think I conditioned myself after being involved with several tards that I accepted toxic as the norm. This is you. You can't see anything other than this.

You'll get out of the fog when you start to work on yourself again and start the detaching process. But you HAVE to give yourself a chance.

You know he is a hoaxer. He's done it several times. Time to stop questioning his behavior. He's shown you long enough who he is. You just don't want to see it. You identify it, but your grasp of it is short lived. Then, you go back to idealizing him again and forgetting your sense of reality. Maybe you are not a doormat with others because you don't seek their validation or their acceptance. You wanted this man to love you so badly that you tried every possible way to make that happen.

I am sure this mofo will come back again. No doubt about it. They detach to find their footing and once they do, they sneak back in. I hope you stay away this time. This has been going on for far too long, and everytime you let him in, he kills a piece of you. Soon enough you will have nothing left. Start loving yourself.

Edited February 22, 2013 by geegirl

February 22, 2013

I've been with f***tards before Mishy. I completely understand what you are going through. The relationships that give you mindf***s, will always give you mindf***s.

The relationship that I am in now, it's, and in one simple word...easy. Funny now, there are days I look back and kick myself, wondering what the hell was I thinking getting involved with all that mess. I couldn't see it then, but can surely see it now because a healthy relationship doesn't consist of mindf***s, rollercoasters, pretzel twisting and drama. I think I conditioned myself after being involved with several tards that I accepted toxic as the norm. This is you. You can't see anything other than this.

You'll get out of the fog when you start to work on yourself again and start the detaching process. But you HAVE to give yourself a chance.

You know he is a hoaxer. He's done it several times. Time to stop questioning his behavior. He's shown you long enough who he is. You just don't want to see it. You identify it, but your grasp of it is short lived. Then, you go back to idealizing him again and forgetting your sense of reality. Maybe you are not a doormat with others because you don't seek their validation or their acceptance. You wanted this man to love you so badly that you tried every possible way to make that happen.

I am sure this mofo will come back again. No doubt about it. They detach to find their footing and once they do, they sneak back in. I hope you stay away this time. This has been going on for far too long, and everytime you let him in, he kills a piece of you. Soon enough you will have nothing left. Start loving yourself.

You are so lucky to be in an easy relationship,I wish I could find a normal guy like that. I just want to find someone nice and normal and well normal.

Pretzel twisting, is the perfect description.when you are constantly trying to work out what's a lie and what's not, it mental torture, and for what I dont know

Although it was a little pathetic to text him telling him that I know he doesn't like me or have any respect for me' I am kind of glad I did it. That was my last ever text, and probably the most appropriate. I could have sworn at him and told him off, but I think what I did was just tell him the truth about how I felt. Even if he does like me as a person, he doesn't make me feel that way and so that's why I told him. Of course, no reply, or "but of course I like you". Just big fat zero, which just confirms I was right. Doesn't it gee girl? Did I do the right thing there?

You are right, I have to give myself a chance and allow my self to detach. It's hard,

I spent a lot of time trying to detect lies when really when he made that first huge lie back in 2008 about moving to Melbourne, I did break things off for about 4 months but went back to him . That was my biggest mistake.i shudder have known he would ie again and again. I'd never had any experience with lying men and I don't know what the hell I was thinking

February 22, 2013

Lucky, yes. But it took me awhile to get here. I never thought I would find the nice and normal but it was funny because we were friends and I never realized he had interest in me. And we volunteer at the same place so, he was a good seed! You will find it too.

Yes, his non-response is a response. The thing is, when you sent that text, he was probably saying in his head, "I've done so much crap to her and only now she gets it?" That's why he didn't say anything. It was a given Mishy.

Well, sometimes a big boot in the butt just like this one will have a long lasting effect with the future choices you make in your life. You take away valuable lessons that will help you make better choices in the future.

February 22, 2013

Lucky, yes. But it took me awhile to get here. I never thought I would find the nice and normal but it was funny because we were friends and I never realized he had interest in me. And we volunteer at the same place so, he was a good seed! You will find it too.

Yes, his non-response is a response. The thing is, when you sent that text, he was probably saying in his head, "I've done so much crap to her and only now she gets it?" That's why he didn't say anything. It was a given Mishy.

Well, sometimes a big boot in the butt just like this one will have a long lasting effect with the future choices you make in your life. You take away valuable lessons that will help you make better choices in the future.

I know him, and what I know is that if I was to send a text say tomorrow, he would be super friendly. There is no way he would say " but ofcourse i like you" because that would be losing his power and control over me. When he doesn't respond it's usually about power. Again and again it's always the same. He never shows himself as vulnerable or caring.

He will be sitting all alone up there in that horrible little town in soaring temperatures not wanting up give up his power. I hope he spends a lot of time up there thinking about what an arse he is and realising I'm gone. This person he had so much control over and gave him a 5 year daily ego boost.

February 22, 2013

I know him, and what I know is that if I was to send a text say tomorrow, he would be super friendly. There is no way he would say " but ofcourse i like you" because that would be losing his power and control over me. When he doesn't respond it's usually about power. Again and again it's always the same. He never shows himself as vulnerable or caring.

He will be sitting all alone up there in that horrible little town in soaring temperatures not wanting up give up his power. I hope he spends a lot of time up there thinking about what an arse he is and realising I'm gone. This person he had so much control over and gave him a 5 year daily ego boost.

The thing with these types is that they don't have the ability for self-reflection. If they had, you would have seen a different side of him a long time ago. The fact that he's still in the same dysfunction as he is now, you can only believe that it is where he is most comfortable. He may sit there and realize you are gone, but not with regret or feelings of lost love but more so the lacking of an ego boost.

February 22, 2013

The thing with these types is that they don't have the ability for self-reflection. If they had, you would have seen a different side of him a long time ago. The fact that he's still in the same dysfunction as he is now, you can only believe that it is where he is most comfortable. He may sit there and realize you are gone, but not with regret or feelings of lost love but more so the lacking of an ego boost.

Yes, you are right, a normal person would reflect but he never learns from anything or admits anything. Even if when he got that text and he was thinking but procures I like her as a person, he never in a million years would text that back. When he silent treatments me, it's usually just about power. It's to get me to text again for answers. Which I haven't and won't be. This has happened so many times I know the pattern. It's good that not only am I gone but he is completely isolated up their from ppl he knows so anything he feels about losing an ego boost will be doubled

February 22, 2013

Well, I hope this is your last lesson, Mishy. I swear if I see one more post about you engaging with this assclown, I will fly to Australia, tie you up and stuff you in a cave somewhere until you are completely detoxed.

February 22, 2013

Stupid auto correct on my iPad , not "procures" the word I wanted was "ofcourse"

February 22, 2013

Well, I hope this is your last lesson, Mishy. I swear if I see one more post about you engaging with this assclown, I will fly to Australia, tie you up and stuff you in a cave somewhere until you are completely detoxed.

Lol probably should... I will keep posting here though in this thread till I get it out of my system

February 22, 2013

Lol probably should... I will keep posting here though in this thread till I get it out of my system

Vent away! But I'll find you if it's anything other!

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So this is how the story ends

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