Imported Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 As in life and love (and cars and women) there are simply no guarantees. Even less when you rush. I could blindly grab a parachute, jump out of the airplane and the chute works fine. No problems. Or maybe the chute was actually someones backpack filled with dirty gym clothes. Now, if I take the time to inspect the parachute, there is still a chance that it might not work perfectly, but I'd guarantee that it is not someones backpack filled with dirty gym clothes. 1
Author Drseussgrrl Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Even less when you rush. I could blindly grab a parachute, jump out of the airplane and the chute works fine. No problems. Or maybe the chute was actually someones backpack filled with dirty gym clothes. Now, if I take the time to inspect the parachute, there is still a chance that it might not work perfectly, but I'd guarantee that it is not someones backpack filled with dirty gym clothes. Eh - logically that make sense. But love rarely does. I'm just going based on what I've seen around me, in my close group of friends. Some took their time, others met, got married and are still going strong. I don't know if I would use the word "rush" at this point. It's different for everyone. I guess that's the romantic in me. I just love love.
candie13 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Even less when you rush. I could blindly grab a parachute, jump out of the airplane and the chute works fine. No problems. Or maybe the chute was actually someones backpack filled with dirty gym clothes. Now, if I take the time to inspect the parachute, there is still a chance that it might not work perfectly, but I'd guarantee that it is not someones backpack filled with dirty gym clothes. well, Imported, go get yourself that young woman, make sure to inspect your parachute real close and do that last bag of dirty laundry! I think it's a bit cruel, from you, to say to two women in their 30's "well, I'm gonna get myself a young woman, for breeding purposes! oh, but you, you shouldn't rush or else you'll be f*cking off your life!". We all want our cake and eat it too! Be happy, meet the right person, have babies. It's just that we have different variables to play around with. In the end, meeting the right person is the most important part. And maybe that person may not be that young, after all. For you or for me. What do you do with your nice little theory, then? oh and comparing marriage to a parachute and women to bad of dirty gym clothes... classy! Very classy!
Imported Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 oh and comparing marriage to a parachute and women to bad of dirty gym clothes... classy! Very classy! I am not comparing it to women, I am comparing it to rushing. If I thought a girl was going to think what you're thinking here, I'd have put a blurb there to point out that I don't think marriages are parachutes and women are dirty gym clothes. However, I do think rushing when you don't have to is always a bad choice. Sure, when going into a cold pool to lap swim...you should just jump in and not pussyfoot around it (not comparing this to marriage, just to rushing), but when trying to build a long lasting relationship, maybe you should take the time to see if you're actually right for each other. Things do have a habit of making themselves apparent with time. These things should probably be considered as a factor to the choices you make.
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I think this thread has gotten off kilter. I didn't realize this was a debate about rushing into marriage versus waiting and whether it will last. With my ex husband we were extremely in love, caught up in one another, but it was something that built. It wasn't as if I saw him and knew. I'm just a firm believer that everyonce in a while you meet someone who right away you have a sense that you NEED that person in your life and you don't even know them just yet. I don't care if I marry my boyfriend or not, at this point I am just smitten with merely being with him at all. There are so many factors that some would think would work against us, but ultimately... We just WORK.
truth_seeker Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Heh. Well my ex fiance dumped me and a month later I found out he was with the wedding planner. Now they're planning their own wedding and have a baby. Not just women who do this. True. It's the behavior I was commenting on.
Quiet Storm Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Yes, we knew we were "the one", but we were just teenagers. We met in weight training class and he was wearing a goofy gym uniform and tennis shoes with no socks. I remember when he first kissed me, I felt electrical shocks going through my entire body. We had lots of "sparks", chemistry or whatever you want to call it. I was hooked. We married after graduation and had a son a year later, followed by a daughter and another son. My oldest will graduate HS next year and I will only be 37! I don't feel like I missed out on anything by marrying young. I knew he was who I wanted to spend my life with, and dating others would've just been a waste of time. 5
Soxfaninfl Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I proposed to my ex wife after 8 months of dating. We had been living together for 6 months at that moment. I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. We were together for 11 years and married for 9. She fell out of love with me and left me for another man. She was the love of my life. 2
Woggle Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Whirlwind romances rarely turn out well. My ex and I dated for a few months and then went down to city hall to make it official as soon as possible and you all know how that turned out. When I met my current wife I felt it from the first time we met but I took my time to get to know exactly who she was.
Shardish Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 I think this is a myth, I certainly don't believe in it and refuse to confuse fantasy with reality.
xxoo Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 When I knew, I knew.....but it didn't happen instantly. IMO, you should know on your wedding day. It should just feel right--no mixed feelings. 4
Author Drseussgrrl Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 I think this is a myth, I certainly don't believe in it and refuse to confuse fantasy with reality. Welp - tell that to several of my friends who just "knew" and are still happily married. Are you happily married/in a relationship?
Woggle Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Welp - tell that to several of my friends who just "knew" and are still happily married. Are you happily married/in a relationship? How long have they been married? You say most of them are in their 30s and are recently married so of course they are in that happy period. A few months is not enough time to really know what a person is about.
Shardish Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Are you happily married/in a relationship? No and no.
BetheButterfly Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Anyone had an experience like this? You met your sig other and within days, you just "knew"? Yes, but it was more like within many days... around 3 months to be more exact. 1
BetheButterfly Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 i think it can happen ....feeling an affinity for someone is a good sign......i still think you need to tread with careful feet and get to know the person......even if you do feel a strong attraction...exploring that can be fun...if that affinity is there..deb That's so important!!!
Author Drseussgrrl Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 How long have they been married? You say most of them are in their 30s and are recently married so of course they are in that happy period. A few months is not enough time to really know what a person is about. Ok it's different for every couple. I can go through each example if you like. -The dude (my friend) who met and married his wife after 3 months - they've been together 5 years and have a one-year old son. Still very much in love. -My ex -engaged to his fiance after 8 months and they just had a son. Planning their wedding now (apparently I wasn't "the one" for him, but I digress). -My best friend - she met her husband online, were engaged after 7 months, married that same year and having a baby girl next month. -Another acquaintence - found her husband online and married in a year. He had two sons from a previous marriage, they just moved to Florida. It's been two years, still going strong. -My brother and sis-in-law - Married quite young, she was only 19 - NOBODY thought it would last because they were so young. Now almost a decade later they're the happiest couple I know. -Close girlfriend - met her husband, they were engaged six months later, 10 years later they have two beautiful kids and have a dream house in Alaska. Need me to go on? Clearly, it doesn't "almost always" end in disaster. Wow - lots of naysayers around here.
Woggle Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Ok it's different for every couple. I can go through each example if you like. -The dude (my friend) who met and married his wife after 3 months - they've been together 5 years and have a one-year old son. Still very much in love. -My ex -engaged to his fiance after 8 months and they just had a son. Planning their wedding now (apparently I wasn't "the one" for him, but I digress). -My best friend - she met her husband online, were engaged after 7 months, married that same year and having a baby girl next month. -Another acquaintence - found her husband online and married in a year. He had two sons from a previous marriage, they just moved to Florida. It's been two years, still going strong. -My brother and sis-in-law - Married quite young, she was only 19 - NOBODY thought it would last because they were so young. Now almost a decade later they're the happiest couple I know. -Close girlfriend - met her husband, they were engaged six months later, 10 years later they have two beautiful kids and have a dream house in Alaska. Need me to go on? Clearly, it doesn't "almost always" end in disaster. Wow - lots of naysayers around here. There are some people who are just right for each other but I do think the best option is carefully planning things out. Marriage is as important a decision as buying a house and can have as much affect on your life so it should be treated as such. People being all haphazard about it probably is a big contributor to the high divorce rate.
Imajerk17 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 A lot of LS "advice" is recycled from 1970s self-help books really. You need intense chemistry otherwise what is the point. You need to be a little crazy to give up your freedom to shackle yourself to someone and maybe make a couple little rugrats who are going to take your sleep, spend your money, and then later on drive your car LOL. As long as you aren't overlooking red flags in the process is what I say. 4
Author Drseussgrrl Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 There are some people who are just right for each other but I do think the best option is carefully planning things out. Marriage is as important a decision as buying a house and can have as much affect on your life so it should be treated as such. People being all haphazard about it probably is a big contributor to the high divorce rate. Be that as it may, I don't think any of my friends would tell you there were haphazard about it. In fact I can't name a single friend in my close group who would tell you, "Oh yeah we totally rushed and wish we had taken our time." I get what you're saying because I used to think they were all crazy myself, but it just seems to work for some people and I'm happy for their happiness.
Shardish Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 (edited) A lot of LS "advice" is recycled from 1970s self-help books really. Some of the things I have read on this forum in just a few short days wouldn't look out of place in the Brothers Grimm: Fairy Tales. Edited February 21, 2013 by Shardish
Woggle Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Be that as it may, I don't think any of my friends would tell you there were haphazard about it. In fact I can't name a single friend in my close group who would tell you, "Oh yeah we totally rushed and wish we had taken our time." I get what you're saying because I used to think they were all crazy myself, but it just seems to work for some people and I'm happy for their happiness. Of course you don't wish it then but when you are in divorce court trying to one up each other and how vicious you can get then people might wish they had taken their time.
Author Drseussgrrl Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 Of course you don't wish it then but when you are in divorce court trying to one up each other and how vicious you can get then people might wish they had taken their time. Well when one of them gets divorced and drug through the wringer, I'll let you know.
Woggle Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 Well when one of them gets divorced and drug through the wringer, I'll let you know. I have seen friends go through it and while I am not anti-marriage I believe in taken all the steps to prevent being one of those divorced guys who look like their life has been ripped out. 1
Author Drseussgrrl Posted February 21, 2013 Author Posted February 21, 2013 I have seen friends go through it and while I am not anti-marriage I believe in taken all the steps to prevent being one of those divorced guys who look like their life has been ripped out. Look dude I get that there is an ugly side to marriage called divorce. I've had my own share of heartache when my engagement broke down and it totally sucks. It was way worse for me than it was for him. It was like a divorce because we lived and shared a life together. I walked away with nearly nothing from the life I had helped him build. So yeah, I get it. But I'm happy for my friends and ultimately, I can only hope to find that sort of happiness of my own and if I meet the right guy and get swept away and I'm engaged in six months, I'm just gonna roll with it. Call me a crazy romantic. 4
Recommended Posts